Ok, so that’s impossible, but I’m going to try.
A little background… I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years about 2 months ago. I still loved him but I couldn’t trust him, and he couldn’t give me a commitment. Last night, I got an e-mail asking me to meet him, that he would give me what I’ve been wanting (by which, I think he meant the commitment - ring, whole nine yards) But, I realized that I DON’T want that anymore… at least, not with him. And maybe I haven’t for a long time, but was too afraid to be “without” rather than being honest. So, I told him no, I couldn’t and these are the reasons why. He respected my decision, but asked me to see him one last time, anyway, that he had some things to say to me. I think I’m going to, though I am a little aprehensive. See, I’m not sure if I can be strong enough, face to face, to do what I want and need to do. It helps that I’m meeting him on my lunch hour from work, so it won’t be anywhere private and it WILL be a set time.
What has me in a bunch today is trying to figure out my feelings. Did I/Do I only THINK I love him, because he was the one that was there, or was it the real thing? If it WASN’T love, how can I be sure that I can really love anyone, and not just THINK I’m in love? And, on top of it all, I’ve got a really good male friend that has potential to be more, though we just don’t know yet. I’m afraid that I’m using the possibility of something with someone else as part of the basis for not getting back together with my ex. There’s no promises, no expectations there, but the thought of getting together with him is more exciting to me than getting together with my ex. So, if this works with my friend, could I be shortchanging someone along the way? I’m just so confused, I get even get all the thoughts straight in my mind. I don’t know who I’m more afraid of hurting… me, or someone else. It’s given me a headache, just thinking about it.
Thanks for listening.