Okay, this is a completely serious question, so please don’t anyone rag on me for it. If you continually have trouble getting turned on, ‘in the mood’ whatever you want to call it, what could be the problem? What can you try? Is this actually a medical condition or in the mind or what?
Well, stress, fatigue and illness can all inhibit one’s desire.
It is a legitimate psychological/physiological complaint. If it a person suffers from such a condition, and they wish to change that, I’d suggest talking to a doctor.
Many medications are known to have a dampening effect on the libido (especially antidepressants), so it may be being caused by something the person is already taking, and the solution could be as simple as switching drugs.
eat parsley
Parsley? And as far as I know, I’m not taking any medication that would hinder my desire. Just Ortho-Trycyclen and the occasional vitamins. I haven’t really had a lot of stress or fatigue lately. I’ve always been like this…even in HS it was just hard. I think I will look into the psychological aspect. Thanks, TheNerd.
Well, if I’m to believe what is said by lots of doctors and talkshow hosts, when a woman has trouble sexually, and isn’t dysfunctional(rape, molestation Etc.), they should try to Masturbate.
Get to know yourself, get to enjoy being turned on. Most of all, try being with someone you WANT to be with. Try good foreplay. If all of that doesn’t help, try seeking medical help, or psych. help to deal with it if it is a “Hangup”.
Ahh…one thing. Ortho-Tricyclen can supposedly cause depression(along with about all other oral contraceptives). If you are depressed and have frequently been on orals, I’d think about stopping them, or talking to the doc about the possible depression.
Just 2 cents and a WAG…
-Sam
I’m definitely with someone I want to be with. He’s the only one I want to be with. And I’ve only been on birth control since after our little boy was born, so I don’t think it’s that. Thanks for the other tips, though. I’ll have to give them a try, or seek help as you said. It’s very possible it is a hangup as I’ve always had it happen this way.
Do I sound like Dr. Drew or what?!? <ShuddeR>
-Sam
TaleraRis, you’re not alone. My wife is the same way. I’m curious… if you don’t mind answering:
- Did your sex drive increase during pregnancy at all? (I hear that it is common due to hormone changes. My wife’s didn’t, SUGGESTING that it MAY be psychological)
- Do you enjoy sex after you’re “into” it? (My wife does (or at least she says she does ;)))
- Were you taught as a child that sex is bad? (Like a dum ass, I never thought to ask this of my wife, but intend to now.)
- I think number 3 (above) in combination with being a straight arrow (always doing what authority figures (such as parents) told you to do) could have a psychological effect on sex drive during adulthood. So, here’s the question… Were you a straight arrow growing up? (My wife was)
- Do you prefer doing “it” with the lights off? (My wife does. She is overly concerned with the way her body looks (especially after having our baby), and I think this self-consciousness further inhibits her sex drive. It irks me to hear women talk about how they wish they could have a body like <insert famous model or actress here>. A lot of people could look like that if it were their JOB to look like that.)
It can hurt to be rejected so frequently, but at the same time, if I don’t ask, it won’t happen. I’m not any more sex crazed than the next guy, but I have to ask frequently on the off chance that she may be even a little in the mood. I even end up asking even when I’m not in the mood; again, on the off chance that she may be even a little in the mood (it may be a while before she is willing again, so I gotta take what I can get). Sometimes it gets really frustrating. I try to hide it as best as I can, but I get mad. Not at her mind you. I know it’s not her fault. I get mad at the situation. That’s why I try to hide it. I don’t want my wife thinking that I’m mad at her because I’m not.
In fact, my sex drive did increase during pregnancy, but it was pretty active before that. It was after pregnancy and I moved in with this person that it seemed to drop drastically.
Sometimes I enjoy it because I"m turned on enough to enjoy it. But a lot of the time it’s not doing a lot for me, and I just get stressed I can’t be a good lover for him.
I was never taught it was bad. My parents were very open with me about. My mother mostly, but even my dad was okay with talking about it sometimes.
I was very much a straight arrow. I had two wild sisters, always running away and one always sneaking out and going out with guys and such. I was the straight A student, the one going to college, the one in activities, that sort of thing. I didn’t smoke, drink, or do drugs and I still don’t.
I actually know I have a very nice body and figure and I have no problem having sex in broad daylight if it happens. I just have trouble getting to the point where I want it. And I can only enjoy sex completely if I can reach that point.
And I get mad at myself that I can’t do what any other woman can do for her mate. So I know where you’re coming from.
You say that it started after you moved in with your boyfriend. You said that you were a straight arrow, so I must ask, do you feel any guilt that you are not married to him? I’m not suggesting that you should (I have no problem with that), it’s just that if you do have any guilt, you could be reminded of it any time sex comes up. If all else fails, DO go see a doctor (I think that’s our next step). It is possible that there is a medical condition causing this. Also, how old is your little boy (we have an 11 month old little boy… aren’t they fun 
), if he is less than about a year, it could be a temporary situation. I’ve heard that a woman’s hormones remain somewhat “out of whack” for about a year after pregnancy.
Oh, absolutely not, Steve-o, I think it’s a great idea to live with someone so you know what to expect. I think you might be onto something about my hormones, though. Simon’s just a little over 15 months and lately I’ve been more ‘in the mood’ than I was, just not as much as before I was even pregnant.
That sound like good news. Maybe just give it a little more time. Best of luck.
just wanted to note, that birth control pills can begin to suppress sex drive even if you’ve been taking the same one with no problems for a while. You can ask to be switched to a pill with a)a lower dosage or b)a higher “androgenic effect” (I’m pretty sure this is the correct term) which means that it simulates the effects of higher levels of androgens. Either one of which might help and there are like 40 different types of pills out there. Ask your doctor, reduced sex drive is a fairly common side effect of taking birth control pills.
Thanks, rmariarmp, I will definitely keep that in mind. I’m almost convinced it’s not psychological since, to be honest, I was a randy randy teenager. But I never thought my birth control pills could be causing it. Of course, I didn’t start them until after I had Simon, so maybe they are the cause. I’ll certainly look into it.
You were probably sodamised by your father.
Check out this link about female sexual arousal disorder.
http://eee.oac.uci.edu/96s/class/p121da/dysfunc.html#ole_fsad
Does this mean “sprayed (misted) with soda”?
If you’re going to be a jerk spewing poisonous remarks, at least be a jerk that spews correctly spelled poisonous remarks.