Best Lionel Hutz Moment
From the episode where Marge gets a job at the power plant:
“Mrs. Simpson, this sexual harrassment suit of yours is just what I need to save my shattered practice! Care for a belt of scotch?”
“But it’s nine-thirty in the morning…!”
“Yeah, but I haven’t slept in days. GULPGULPGULPGULP Last chance…!”
He shakes the bottle at Homer and Marge, who stare and shake their heads
“GULPGULPGULPGULP OH yeah…”
I don’t know why, but just imagining that scene cracks me up every time.
Best McBain line:
I did dirty awful things to earn it (his sports car)
Best one-shot-gag-character:
The Happiest Man in Springfield
Best homer-brain conversation:
Killing you with beer (his biology test)
Best Mmmmmm:
either “Open Faced Club Sandwich” or “Warren Burger…Mmmmm…Burger!”
best church moment :
Sideshow Mel about Bart, “He’s kicking it old school!”
Wasn’t it Martin singing?
Especially funny is Homer’s “heroic” line at the end, which indicates he actually lost the battle (if he’s correctly keeping score):
“Simpson 3…Terrorists 8.”
Some more for me:
Best location episode:
Do theme parks count? If so, Duff Gardens. The main plot is about Selma’s wish to have children, but it is at Duff Gardens where she learns just how hard they really are. The Beerquarium, the Little Land of Duff, the Seven Duffs, the hall of presidents (“I’m rappin A.B. and I’m here to say, if you wanna drink beer, Duff’s the only way-I say, the o-o-o-only way! Break it down now! [crushes beer can]”)-what’s not to love?
Best McBain Line:
For some reason, I’ve always liked the way he just plainly states “That’s the joke” in his comedy film, "McBain: Let’s Get Silly!
Best Mmmm:
(When eating waffle earlier mistaken for God) -> Mmm, Sacrilicious.
Best Daydream:
When Homer’s station is on fire but he’s got the klown college in his head. All the people rolling around on fire seem as clown playing. I just love how the only billboard that he thought didn’t affect him got him the hardest.
Martin started out singing and then Frank cut in as the screen went to credits.
That waffle… I forgot about that. Wasn’t that wrapped around a stick of butter and doused in molasses or something equally sickening?
Still, I have to give the edge to the dishwashing liquid.
Best Selma/Patty moment:
When Homer approaches Patty and Selma for money, and they say something like “Oh don’t worry, we’ll take care of it.” and start laughing evily to themselves. Homer feels awkward and starts laughing with them, and eventually starts hysterically laughing for no reason. “Just give him the check and get him out of here!”
Best Halloween Episode
Homer wanders into the third dimension! “Man, this place looks expensive. I feel like I’m wasting a fortune just standing here!”
Best guest appearance, appearing as self
All the baseball players. “I’ve got it, I’ve got it!” (Darrell Strawberry jumps in the air for about 5 seconds, catching the ball) “Yes!”
Best guest appearance, appearing as a character
Al Brooks as Scorpio
Best Daydream Sequence
Homer imagining what it’d be like to rob the Quik-E-Mart…well, the joke that comes afterward is the best part.
Most touching moment
“The sooner kids can talk, the sooner they can talk back. I hope you never say a word, Maggie.” “Daddy…” Awww, this scene makes me misty every time, and NOTHING makes me misty. I think it’s the fact that both his other kids call him Homer that gets me. Awww.
Most touching and humorous moment
I’d also have to go with Martin in the swimming pool
Best Sign
Monstromart: Where Shopping is a Baffling Ordeal
Most Disgusting Thing Homer Has Eaten
“Only two more feet and I can fit it in the fridge!” Either the sub sandwich, or Homer’s concoction of chives, (something else) and a frozen pie crust. “…Lets go see Mom…”
Best ‘Location’ Episode
Mr. Sparkle is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on TV, but does it really count as a location? Other than that, I’d say Australia.
Best Bart Prank Call
Hey, somebody check the bathroom for a Hugh Jass!
Best Homer ‘Smart’ Moment
The smartest thing Homer’s brain coulda done when faced with “If it’s tangy and brown, you’re in cider town. But if it’s sweet and yella’, you’ve got juice there, fella.” Homer’s brain: “You can stay, but I’m leaving!” Cut to a shot of Homer’s brain metaphorically leaving his body, then Homer nodding once and falling over.
Best Song
A toss up between See My Vest and Senor Burns. "So I’ll settle my score, on the sal-sa floor, with this vengeful, Latin rhythm!
Best Throwaway Character Joke
Hans Moleman. He’s the Kenny of Springfield.
Best McBain Line
“It’s two and half hours of me standing in front of a brick wall. It cost seventy million to film.”
We need a best Apu/Qwickie Mart moment. Anybody got any good ones?
Best Song:
The Stonecutter Song
Best Endangered Species:
The Screaming Catepillar, which is sexually attracted to flame
Best One-Shot Character:
Frank Grimes (“I live in an apartment under a bowling alley and over ANOTHER bowling alley!”) Which would also be my vote for best ep, in fact, the best half hour of black comedy ever to show up on TV.
Best guest appearance, characer
Michelle Pfeiffer as Mindy Simmons
Best Homer smart moment
“If I could just say a few words… I’d be a better public speaker.”
Best vaguely homo-erotic suggestion, non-Smithers
“My prescription, another hot-beef injection!”
Best Store sign
The Jazz Hole
Best Apu Quickie-Mart Rant
“A Jolly Rancher is not a sprinkle! A Mounds bar is not a sprinkle! A Twizzler is not a sprinkle! Perhaps in Shangra-La they are but not in my store!”
Best Apu/Qwickie Mart Moment : Got to be when he works for so long he begins to think he is a hummingbird of some kind.
My favorite Qwickie Mart Moment:
Homer: Apu, do you have any of that beer that has candy floating in it, you know, SkittleBrau?
Apu: There is no such product, Sir. I think you dreamed it up.
Homer: Oh. Well, give me a 6-pack of Duff and a pack of Skittles.
How about those Nye Mets? They are my favorte squadron.
Best Apu Moment:
Silly customer! You can not hurt a twinkie!
Best Apu Moment:
He is bound and gagged after the Prisoner characters use the Quik E Mart to trap Homer. Bart comes in and is reading a magazine when he notices Apu. Apu is desperately trying to tell Bart something. Bart rips off the gags. Instead of telling him who did it to him, he yells, “This is not a lending library!”
No, no, no.
Best Apu moment:
“Thank you for coming! I’ll see you in hell!”
Darn! You’ve taken my two favorite Apus (hummingbird all-nighter, Ny Mets). Besides those, I think that one of my favorites would be his film, Bright Lights, Beef Jerky. Very simple, but funny.
The film opens up as Apu is being mugged yet again. He calls for help. Chief Wiggum is at the Kwik-E-Mart, but calls out “I’ve got problems of my own here!” The film ends as Wiggum’s tie is getting rolled into the hot dog cooker, Wiggum saying to himself, “This is going to get worse before it gets better.”
Wiggum steals the show, of course, but if it weren’t for Apu, the film would never have been made.
I think it was actually cloves and eggnog covered in a pie crust. I remember the first time I saw that, I laughed myself into a stomach ache.
MOST UNDERRATED CHARACTER
Sideshow Mel
KRUSTY: But I take all my employees out to dinner, isn’t that right, Sideshow Mel?
SIDESHOW MEL: We’ve never spoken outside of work.
Also, I’ve changed my mind about Best Guest Appearance as Self
SIDESHOW LUKE PERRY
“My face! My beautiful face!”