Understanding Women

In My Humble Opinion
1

In further exploration of the topic ‘explain women’ I invite the ladies of this board to share things which attract them to men (or have seen attract other women to men) yet make them a bit uncomfortable that it should be so.

I’ll give a couple of examples, one from direct observation another from a TV program I watched.

A couple of French friends were visiting a few years ago, one was tall (for a Frenchman about 6’) dark handsome and flirtatious, all the women gushed over him. His companion was short (but fairly stocky) and ordinary looking, his demeanor was very composed and assured, the women liked him well enough (he was French, what’s not to like). Then at an afternoon barbecue we were all about to get in the pool and the little Frenchman took off his shirt, revealing an obvious scar on his shoulder. I recognized it as a gunshot wound immediately but one of the women nearby did not and asked how he got it. His English was good but slow and his delivery laconic, “a bullet,…from a pistol”. This was not particularly surpassing as everyone there knew he had been a policeman but it caused some sensation and the redundant exclamation, “you’ve been shot!”. The laconic reply, “oh yes, three times”, further sensation, additional wounds located… Additional questions, “what happened”, reply, " I shoot him back, he die".

“You’ve killed someone?”
“Oh yes, three people.”
“What happened?”
“Twice they shoot at me, and once try to run over me in a car.”

At this point I noticed that every female in attendance was giving him rapt attention and half of them looked like they would swoon on the spot, although a cruder characterization might be more appropriate. For the rest of his stay his tall handsome friend was forgotten, he was treated like a rock star and months afterward he was remembered, (though neither of them were involved with anyone during their stay). Remarks like, “his friend was good looking but he was a real man!”, were common…

When taxed none of these women agreed that the revelation that he was a killer had altered their view of his attractiveness, though a couple did agree that his scars were somehow sexy. Oh and he didn’t have a particularly good body, just average

By the way these were all what you’d call left-leaning types, non-violent anti-gun don’t especially like police ( unless they’re French obviously). Four of the women were married, none, as I said, were involved with him, I had no interest in any of it except as a student of human nature.

In the TV program adult men and women were given a questionnaire by an attractive member of the opposite sex. On the form they were eventually asked what they had first noticed about he person who gave them the form, where they had first looked on seeing him/her what they had spent the most time looking at et… Unbeknownst to them a high tech infrared system developed for the Air Force was charting exactly where they were looking. The survey was anonymous and confidential so there was no objective reason to lie, yet all the women were completely wrong about what they did, the men were mostly accurate (chest, eyes, legs, chest again et.).

Now there are a lot of possible explanations for this but as a reasonably impartial observer I think the observation that denial ain’t just a river in Egypt fits the facts to at least some degree.

2

Oxymoron!

[sub]SOMEBODY had to say it :slight_smile: [/sub]

3

As for your French friend, the answer is simple. Most women (for that matter most men) are fascinated by a person who puts himself/herself in physical danger. You can’t get much more primal than that.

4

Silly man-human! We are not here for you to understand. We don’t have to explain ourselves to the likes of you. Your duties include, but aren’t limited to, taking out the garbage, squishing the bugs, aiming for the bowl and other duties as assigned. Nowhere in your job description is ‘understanding women’ listed.

Now, back to work!

5

Well I don’t know if as many men would be attracted to it, and in any case, my point is, why would they deny it? On the surface it looks as if they are even denying it to themselves and if that’s so what are the implications?

6

Juanitatech

Well at least your response is more constructive than most of the women I’ve explained (in much greater depth) my understanding of women to. They usually respond, “do many men know this?” then imply politely that perhaps I should be put down before I spook the herd.

7

Perhaps I should make another point clear. All of the women asserted strenuously that they had liked the little Frenchman best right from the start, no comparison, even though this was clearly not evident from their outward behavior. When the discrepancy was pointed out to them they had no explanation, were simply confused or denied that actions took place until confronted by general agreement of those present that they had.

8

There is no understanding women. Your attempts will yeild no result. Resist further excercises in futility.

Man, am I gonna get it for this!

9

Understand women? I’d rather try to teach a cat to drive. Less likely to cause my head to explode.

10

*It was long after midnight
When we got to unconditional love
She said sure, my heart is boundless
But don’t push my limits too far

I said if love was so transcendant
I don’t understand these boundaries
She said just don’t disappoint me —
You know how complex women are*

Rush - Cold Fire

11

Hmmm, what attracts me to guys…

I have this weakness for blue eyes. I literally can’t say no to a guy with blue eyes. Don’t know why, that’s just the way it is.

I like them a little bit aggressive, but not too much so.

I’m generally very attracted to the bad boy. Outwardly good boys are okay too, they just have to have a little bit of a naughty side.

I want them to really really WANT me.

Oh, and biceps. Even if I am in no way attracted to the guy, I see some well developed (but not too much so) biceps and I can’t help but imagine what it would feel to have those arms around me.

PASSION. They have to be passionate about something.

There are more, and I will post as I think of them.

12

Handsome boy is caught in a confrontation with some guy who tried to pick up his girl. Its obvious fists will be thrown, and based on the size of the other guy it might become very ugly.

         Response:  It's not worth it.  He wouldn't want to mess
         up his hair for god sakes.

Short, stocky guy with bullet wounds is in the same situation.

         Response:  Knock this MF out and if it turns on him he's 
         got the war wounds to prove it.  Now she can show her
         friends.

Ugggg I hate that I am a woman and actually had a response to this post
:rolleyes:

13

I think perhaps the women in question denied only being attracted to the cute guy first because they didn’t want to look shallow. When time with the two men had passed and they found the wounded man to be the more interesting person, they didn’t want to admit that they had initially overlooked him…nobody wants to admit that they let flash override substance.

I saw this happen a lot when Bill Clinton was running for office. Women would be practically gushing over him at every turn, and he played up to their attraction. But if you asked those women if they were supporting him because they were attracted to him, they would get highly indignant and deny even finding him attractive. But if you watched their body language, you could tell that “the issues” were the furthest things from their mind. Admit it? Never, till their dying day.

Now personally, I enjoy a good-looking man, but I’m very suspicious of extremely good-looking men, especially if they pay attention to me…I’m so obviously not their type that I know they are insincere. But the men I really end up being attracted to have great verbal skills and slightly twisted senses of humor, and a decent set of values. A cute butt helps, but it is by no means a requirement.

14

There’s an article in the ‘Wall Street Journal’(I’m not an investor, I don’t even play one on TV but I can’t abide the poor quality of writing in most other papers) this morning which speaks to the point I’m presenting. It’s about recent research into the subconscious.

And ladies, I appreciate the posts but what I’m asking is not what attracts you to a man but what has attracted you or has attracted other women but made you uncomfortable that it should.

I expected I wouldn’t get much of a response if only because I’m asking people about their subconscious and by definition if it’s subconscious you don’t realize you’re doing it.

Other reasons include women thinking this isn’t a serious question, thinking it’s an insulting insinuation et.

Men’s response is interesting, not just here but men I’ve spoken to about understanding women. I get the impression that nearly all men want to find women mysterious. They’re like the audience at a magic show. They don’t want the trick explained because they’d be disappointed that it’s so simple and feel like fools that they didn’t see it themselves. They prefer magic and I don’t blame them. Wisdom has a price, Odin knows!

im2evil4u

Actually the little guy was very mild-mannered. I got the impression he would avoid confrontations at almost any cost. I admired the way he handled the questions, flat delivery no embellishment or avoidance, as if he were talking about how he brushed his teeth. I suspect this only heightened the effect on the women.

15

I agree with what kittenblue said about the flash over substance idea. The first impression of someone may make you prefer good-looking over interesting but as time goes on you are attracted to character or personality. After that time, you wonder how you ever thought the first person was more attractive, and eventually you deny that you ever did (as the women in your example, Toby). I met two men around the same time and was head of heels for the beautiful first one, kind of noticing the other had nice eyes and all but blinded by the handsomeness of the first. As I got to know them over time and realized I could never get along with Beautiful in a relationship, and saw a lot of character in Cute that I respected and admired, my attraction switched. And now I can’t see how I ever liked Beautiful as much as I did, and he doesn’t even seem as beautiful anymore.

One thing I find disturbing that attracts me is aloofness. There’s something irresistable about a man who is not very demonstrative about strong feelings, etc., because you want to be the one to turn his head. (I only have a fictional example, which is my current crush on the guy in “The Guardian.” He’s cute and all but I think it is his character’s non-reaction to a lot of things, his holding in emotions completely that gets me). I am vaguely disturbed by that because it seems unhealthy somehow.

16

This is an interesting question, and it gets harder to answer the more I think about it. When I read about the shorter Frenchman’s bullet wound, I thought, “MMmmmmmm… bullet wound.” Then I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth and was horrified. WHAT’S THE ATTRACTION? I HATE guns, and I’m not really a violent person (though I have a wicked temper).
I believe my reaction would be similar if he’d had open heart surgery, or a terrible car accident, (but not liposuction or something boring). I sort of agree with kunilou about the physical danger, but I don’ t think the guy has to PUT himself in danger (at least, not to get my motor running).
I think I’d feel the same if it had been a freak accident of a serious illness, so for me, I think the attraction has to do with one of two things.

Either:
1)It’s a psychotic mothering urge, and someone who is injured would be incomplete without me needs my affection and care. (Yes, it’s creepy, but I’m trying to be honest) I find that I’m also attracted to people who are sort of screw-ups, and that I have a buried desire to fix them, thinking that I can do something for them that no one else can, healing their “wounds” (physical or psychological) and making them whole. (or whatever. it’s an idiotic thing to think, and I don’t realize I’m doing it unless I think about it)

2)MAYBE, the physiological arousal (not sexual-- faster heartbeat, nervous anxiety, little bit of fear) that comes with hearing about gunshots and physical danger, or even someone who’s really off the wall mentally (somebody who had been in fights, or who has really exciting ideas etc.) gets transferred to the person to whom they happened. I can’t definitely say this has never happened to me, either.

Actually, both of these could explain the attraction of “bad boys” and “disturbed artist” types, I guess. I know sometimes I’m attracted to them, but I REALLY try to suppress it (It pisses me off if I do it at all; damn my shallow hide!), and it usually goes away if I know the person for a longer time. Does that help? (it’s sort of disjointed, but I’m having that kind of day)

17

I’m a woman, and I don’t get it, either. Sorry.

18

Much better. Now I’ll give you some more information.

When this incident occurred I already had a well developed theory about people’s behavior (women’s attraction to men in this case) and this looked like an excellent opportunity to test, it insofar as it’s possible.
I went in to speak to our hostess who is a person of remarkable insight and excellent self awareness and who had not yet learned of the conversation by the pool. I asked her to fix in her mind her impression of what her friends thought of the two Frenchmen and to see if there was any sudden change. She was one of the one’s who was most helpful when I later asked the women about their change of heart, as she was privy to and had noticed womanly things that slipped past me. Her reaction was one of the most interesting when she learned second hand of the poolside conversation, she said she could feel her own memories being reconstructed, " it’s like some Star Trek alien is eating my mind! …he suddenly became much more attractive but it’s not that he’s a killer… it’s, the way he talked to the cat….or the way he holds his head when he talks, yeah, that’s it. Arrrgh, this is spooky!"

A year later it took all the effort of her husband (who remembered all this exactly as I had) and I to convince her she had said these things and that she hadn’t always liked the little guy better. Even then she wasn’t convinced really, and promptly forgot about it.

19

“Duuuude, he shot someone. That’s, like, heavy and all kind of primal and shit” is what I’d be thinking, and I wouldn’t try to put it down to anything else.

20

I don’t think its just women,i would be lying if i said i wasn’t turned on by tough women who put themselves in mortal danger.

But these help me understand men/women questions are ridiculous to begin with.
You can’t make correct generalizations about the behaviour of half the human race.