Freaks. Bofya.
Mods, can we get this thread renamed “The Auntie Em & Trishdish Show?”
…continue, ladies…
How about we trim that title down to just “The T&A Show” 
Obviously trish will be providing the “T” in two ways: by name & by cleavage.
Auntie em - you up for providing the “A” ? 
Oh, and in an assuredly futile attempt to get this thread back in the general direction of the OP, it appears MSK and I will be getting together for a reconnaisance of one or more local Mishawaka (IN) establishments Saturday night. MSK emailed me a good rundown of several clubs, et al, we could attend. Now, I haven’t cleared this with MSK, but I’d like to get the thread’s POV on where we should hang out. If he agrees, I’ll post his rundown of the local fauna for your input (or he can). Things to keep in mind:
- MSK is lonely, and…well, just read this thread. Something must be done!
- I’m more than happy to be his “kamikazee,” for reasons explained waaay above.
- Money is, in fact, an object. Not only is buyin’ babes definitely out, we can’t afford to rent a Bentley to impress the wimminz.
[Chippendales Announcer] Well, ladies, if you wanna see it, you gotta shout! [/Chippendales Announcer]
Make MSK give up the list of clubs, so you can pick and choose where we hang out on Saturday.
WN
(Who, according to auntie em, looks like a Chuck E. Cheese animatronic. Hint to ae: underneath, those animatronics are Stainless steel, baby!)
Here’s the list:
The State Theater:
This is the local meat market. They play mostly R&B, Hip Hop, and Rap. There are a lot of hotties there, but most of them seem to be looking for black men. (No offense intended if you are black.) The building is cool, but I personally hate this place. It’s the “no-brainer” club. People go here to get totally bombed, dance like pagan animals in heat, and have cheap meaningless sex afterward, and never see or hear from one another again. The people here may as well all be “blow-up-dolls.”
MSK’s rating = D-
Heartland:
This the “fun” place. They play all kinds of music from 80’s to techno, to hardrock. This place also often has at least two girls for every guy, on a Saturday night, which is Ladies Night. Friday is 80’s night, if I recall correctly. I haven’t been there in quite a while, so it may have changed. The crowd tends to be mostly college age, though. Tons of hotties, but if you’re over 30, like me, your odds aren’t ideal, age-wise, for hooking up.
MSK"s rating = B-
The Landing:
This is probably the most “laid back” of the clubs. The crowd tends to be more my age, late twenties and up. Music is pop, dance, or a live band. This place is cool cause it’s on the river and has a huge deck overlooking it. Nice alternative (weather permitting) if you hate choking in a smoke infested prison. You can also find spots here to actually CONVERSE with women without being drowned by music.
MSK’s rating = B
Club Bailamos:
I’ve never been there yet. It’s rather popular, just because it’s relatively new. I believe, this is a top 40 kind of place, as the local radio station often broadcasts live from there. Purportedly has good dance floor, is clean, and has killer martinis.
MSK’s rating = incomplete
There are other popular places, that are just “hole in the wall” bars. They aren’t as expensive, and have a reasonable amount of hotties. I usually end up at a “hole-in-the-wall” called Moondog’s Pub. This place is okay, but there tend to be a lot of “regulars,” so pickins can be slim.
Note: I don’t know how much this matters, but I am a horrid dancer. Think “Elaine” from Seinfeld added with the enthusiasm of Ben Stein and that’s me. lol I have to be really tanked to dance and not care.
I guess my main objective is to just have fun. If I score, great, if not, well at least I had fun by getting out.
It seems to me like you’re not the type of guy that likes clubs too much (I can’t stand them). Why pick up a girl there? I mean, chances are you wouldn’t have much in common right? If you’re just looking for some action then that’s one thing. But I think you are maybe looking for some committment, in which case I would advise a different locale. Such as a coffee shop, park etc. And just be yourself. A woman will be much more impressed with an original than a dime-a-dozen “clubber” who can’t keep the beat! Anyone got my back?
I’m voting for The Landing. And a big thumbs down to that first club!
Oh and I think you should still go out to a club - if only because you might meet a woman who also isn’t into the club scene but just like you, begrudingly went out that night because she knew it would be a way to meet someone. Someone like you, perhaps.
Well, you’re right. I’m not a clubber, and I don’t really enjoy going to them a great deal. Sometimes it’s fun just be out and watch how it all works, but I usually stay away from those places.
I practically live in Barnes & Noble and with the weather improving, I will be spending a good deal of time, walking my dog in the park. I walked the dog just yesterday, as a matter of fact. It’s kinda funny because there was one woman who jogging and we crossed paths three times, and she said “Hi” to me each time, but she didn’t slow down or stop. I said “Hi” back. She was cute, but I don’t think she was flirting.
Good point, trish, but my odds of that are possibly quite slim. I do get uncomfortable in clubs because, frankly, there’s too much pressure and expectations. Face it, most of the people are there for two reasons: get drunk, get laid. I’m not much of a drinker and a drunk woman is a huge turn OFF for me. Of course I’d love to get laid, but I don’t want just a one night stand either. I’m more of a “stand as long you both can” type. lol.
I’m not looking for anything super serious, right off the bat. I guess what I really desire is someone who is equally open to both, developing a potential partnership and a roll in the hay. I suppose that can be a lot to ask, but that is what have to offer someone else. I realize that’s kind of awkward. I’m just saying that I do not want someone who is just a “f$#@ buddy.” If that’s all I wanted, I’d have one of those already.
I tend to be the hopeless romantic type. You know the story… saw each other across a crowded room, love at first sight, make wild monkey love a few hours later, fall madly in love and next thing you know, are married and having kids. lol sigh :o
I am rambling. sorry. Trish, auntie, any advice to offer on what I just said?
I will be more than happy to provide the “A”. In fact, I keep eating like I have been (see “Tapeworm” thread), I’ll be providing more “A” than anybody wants!
Though Lord knows I ain’t got the “T” to balance it out…
I second the vote for The Landing. In my old age, I have less and less patience for bars that are too loud for you to talk to someone (and I’m all for sitting outside in this weather!). I am, of course, assuming you’d like to have a conversation at some point between the meeting of eyes and the wild monkey love…
My only other advice is an echo of trishdish’s Pop Psych lesson: Don’t write someone off if she fails to elicit instant crotch sparks (aka “love at first sight”), and don’t make the situation too intense by bringing up the subject of children too soon if she DOES instantly float your boat.
Also, if you’re worried about getting tongue-tied, perhaps think of interesting things to ask the ladies in advance (see IMHO archives for ideas). Also, as a failsafe, maybe work out a signal with Wisest for if you start feeling tongue-tied. Like maybe when you tap your chest three times, he’ll know to jump in with a “helper topic”, like, “Did you know that MSK can fit his entire fist into his mouth?”
(Note: Do not demonstrate until the third date.)
Otherwise, HAVE FUN! Remember your T&A, and keep us posted!
Just so you know, MSK and I are even now conspiring on strategic matters in IM. We’re noting your votes for where to go (leaning toward a B&N/Fridays/Landing marathon), and polishing up MSK’s routines. Although I didnt think much of that fighter pilot thing that jcmckaig linked at the time, I’m beginning to identify with the “kamikazee” role. Ol’ MSK deserves a good time. No, I take that back. He deserves hot monkey sex and seven children, but I can only do so much on my way through town.
Oh, and auntie em, I love you. Deeply and madly. “Crotch sparks” nearly gave me a coronary!
You love me because I nearly killed you? That’s a new one.
But if that’s true, tell MSK in your next IM that auntie em found love without even leaving her desk, so he should do fine at The Landing!
MSK
It appears that you are trying desperately to “acquire” a date. That’s a bad turn-off. Women avoid desperate men like the plague.
You must first rid yourself of desperation and build up your own confidence. Nobody can help you here. You must have the determination to bring about some changes in your own character.
If you are not comfortable in, eh, chatting up women you don’t know, that’s fine. There are more than one way to skin a cat. Joining an organisation, club, or society will be of great help. If you have hobby or interst, join a club for that. You’ll meet people that are gauranteed to have something in common with you. In the exceptional case that you do not have a hobby, that’s fine too. Choose some sort of hobby that you wish to pursue and join a class or a club for that. Works pretty well.
Or if you prefer, joining a volunteer organisation is proably the best way to go. You get to build up your own confidence through helping people, and you get to meet a lot of nice people along the way.
This has got to be a regional thing. A group of friends and I discussed this a couple of summers ago. We were talking about all the lame suggestions we’ve gotten about going to places to meet guys. Bookstores specifically came up, because we’d all heard that lots of time, and only one of us (out of 7) had ever been approached by a guy in a bookstore- and she said he just did to share the details of his mental illness, which is something like schizophrenia, but less severe. However, people up here are very “private” (to put it diplomatically) so maybe that’s the difference.
Well, I don’t think I would approach a woman reading a book, ‘How to Cure Your Schizophrenia At Home
in Your Spare Time.’
Best prop for me is a sign language interpreter. Women come up & ask where they can learn sign
language.
Wisest Novel and I met up Saturday night. This was my first time for ever meeting a fellow Doper, in person. He’s a cool guy and I’m really glad to have met him. Much thanks, to Wisest, for stopping by. 
[sub]It’s rather silly that I haven’t met anyone, from the SDMB, until now. I have been perusing and interacting on the SDMB since I first heard about it via The Straight Dope (on TV) That’s a long time ago! The MB was still on AOL. I have always wanted to go to a Dopefest but things just never seem to work out. Enough hijacking about that, though.[/sub]
We decided to go The Landing first. It was okay, as I ran into two ladies that I am somewhat acquainted with. The first one, was one of the gals who hangs out at my “regular” bar, TGIFridays. I took the initiative to go talk her, on my own. I introduced Wisest, also. Our conversation was brief, but that was ok because the music was too loud to hear much dialogue anyway.
[ul]
[li]Score one point for ole MSK for being spontaneous and outgoing.[/li][/ul]
I happened to recognize a second woman at The Landing, that I knew. She works with my mom and they are pretty good friends. I went and said “Hi” and chatted a few minutes with her and that was it.
[ul]
[li]Score a second point for ole MSK for being spontaneous and outgoing, again.[/ul][/li]
At this point, Wisest and I were getting a tad bored with The Landing. The outdoor deck was not yet open for the season, which was the biggest letdown, there. The place is pretty small when you are limited to just the indoor section. I ,then, suggested we go downtown South Bend to the bigger club, Heartland.
When we first went into Heartland there didn’t seem to be much of a crowd, but around the stroke of midnight the place was packed! As I said before, Saturday is Ladies’ Night at this club, so there was about 4-women-to-1-man ratio. I’m sure Wisest will agree with me on that. I believe he will also agree that my initial run-down of the local club scene was right on the money. Heartland was primarly the college-age-crowd, whereas The Landing was more 30’s- and up crowd.
I have to admit, the age difference was a bit of an intimidation factor at Heartland. Wisest and I both felt a wee bit peculiar. I only talked to one girl at this club. She was really cute, and I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off of her.
She took notice and cordially said something to me, “Hey guy what’s up?”
I replied, “Nothing, just hanging out. How about you?”
She said, “Oh. Well, I noticed you kept staring at me, so I just wondered what was up.”
…and that was it. I tried to introduce myself, but she appeared to have assumed I wasn’t interested enough, gave me the cold shoulder, and went back to her friends. I kinda blew it. :o When she initially addressed me, instead of just “going-with-the-flow,” I became tongue-tied and shellshocked.
[ul][li]Score strike one for ole MSK for getting cold feet and putting them both into his mouth.[/ul][/li]There was one other woman at Heartland I was going to try to talk to, but I didn’t do anything, and never even got to say hi.
[ul][li]Score strike two for ole MSK.[/ul][/li]
At this point, I just said to hell with it, and went and danced by myself for awhile. :eek: Imagine that, me dancing! LOL but I did. I rarely ever dance.
So, in summary: I broke even, 2W / 2L. I maintained the attitude that this night would be strictly “practice,” fun, and no regrets. I honestly can say I have no regrets about last night. I would have had some regrets if I had done absolutely nothing. But, I talked to 3 people, and danced, and had fun, and met my first Doper. The night was one of the few, where I just took a huge chunk of my shyness and threw it right out the freaking window. Hopefully, I can learn to do so more often.
Thanks again, Wisest. Having a buddy around really does help. Now if only I had a buddy locally. :rolleyes:
You make some very valid points and have some good suggestions.
However, there is a touch of hypocrisy in the cliche attitude of “It happens when you least expect it.” and the similar “Stop looking, and then you’ll find someone or they will find you.”
If everyone truly believed and utilized the “stop looking” cliche, then no one would get involved with anyone at all. John Doe would not ask Mary Jane, whom he works with at the office, to join him for lunch, or see a movie after work etc etc. If one is truly not looking, then one doesn’t make any attempt to interact. There is no thing as “just friends.” I’m a believer of the “When Harry Met Sally” philosophy.
Feel free to correct me if I am erroneous, but that is my humble opinion.
MSK,
There are all sorts of interpretations of what “stop looking” actually entails. Perhaps one may construed it as “stop looking at the wrong places” or “stop looking so hard.”
I wasn’t suggesting you to completely stop taking chances if opportunities arise. It just seems that you are desperate, and a desperate person often has his judgement clouded. You are desperate maybe because you are lonely, or maybe because you are bored. Neither of these are good reasons for looking for a SO. You have this hole in your heart and you want somebody to fill it. I think it’s a very selfish motive. I am sorry if I come across to be harsh or unsympathetic, doing so will get yourself hurt emotionally - or maybe even hurt in other ways - a lot more often than not.
The best way of breaking the bind you are in now, IMHO, is to either pick up a hobby or become a volunteer, or maybe both. A hobby is not merely a form of distraction, but a good way of building up self-confidence by being successful. Volunteering is also excellent. The women you’ll meet will be compassionate and big-hearted. These are excellent character traits to have in a mate.
Urban, I may come across on here as appearing desperate, and admittedly there is an element of truth to that. However, in “real-life” things are much different than they appear in here.
In real-life, I am shy, even when I am feeling most confident. That is an oxymoron statement, but nevertheless accurate. Shyness is not just a matter of one being insecure. Shyness encompasses everything from embarassment to elation, and humilation to respect. Ever see someone blush when they receive a compliment? Shyness doesn’t have to be a negative.
In “real-life” I am anything BUT trying too hard. If anything, I am looking in the wrong places, and there is a very real factor of regional availibility. In my locale, it’s very difficult to find available people within my age range, no matter where you may look, be it the grocery store, the bar, or church. People who are not familiar with my region often think I am exaggerating, but unfortunately, I am not. I wish I were.
Am I lonely? Yes. Am I bored? Yes. Are these the main reasons I desire a mate? No. They are a very small part of the big picture. The big picture is, that I feel I have had plenty of “me” time. I am satisfied with what I can, and have done for myself. I am jaded of having nothing but “me” time. I would like to be able share and give to someone, and have the same in return. It’s called reciprocation. I’m not driving down a one-way street. I want to learn about someone else, invest interest in them, and what makes them tick.
For those of you still keeping up with this thread, I have a few things to say.
As MSK himself relates, we did indeed get together Saturday night. I have observations, theories, and admissions.
This is a good place for a brief backstory. I’m a single dad, and not looking for a partner ATT. But I’m older, if not wiser (no screen name cracks, please, that’s a whole other <nonexistent> thread) than MSK by a few years. I have only been to a dance club one other time, and that with a 20-ish gal I’ve been friends with for a long time. It was an Alien Experience, but we had a blast together. Little blues bars are what I go into in the rare times I’m sans ursa.
Admission: I was terribly late. I originally told MSK I’d be there late afternoon, and we could start at a bookstore because the thread suggested it, and because my daughter always needs books, but never more than when she visits Mom.
So I get to Mishawaka–which I somehow keep referring to as Mishakawa, which, I keep getting reminded by wiseasses, is in Japan–about 10:30PM.
Observations: If you’ve never been there, Mishawhatever is a true Heartland city: the club ain’t the only place there with that name. They may be the last really big city to have a “cruising strip” blocking traffic. I saw an auto repair place with “It’s time to winterize your car” on the sign, so people don’t get in a big hurry there. It could have just been me, but there seemed to be an awful lot of topless bars and churches, too. Oh, and Best Name for an Adult Bookstore goes to 'The Playhouse Museum." Museum?
About my tardiness: My own nature sees that as a plus, since MSK had said he wanted to hit dance clubs, and they don’t ususally pick up until later. But I could tell he was masking disappointment.
I meet MSK, and about the first thing I ask is to see the Key. So, for now, I’m the only other Doper to have actually seen and touched the actual relic. If you haven’t read that story, it’s a good one that I’m sure he’s linked to before. If not, it’s in one of the “name” threads.
MSK is a very cool and interesting fellow. On one hand, he’s an excellent natural artist. He showed me some portfolios, and if I were any judge, I’d say he’s a near-dead-eye on form, with good ability to evoke emotion. But I’m not, so I won’t. On the other hand, MSK is naturally very shy. Extremely shy. As he said above, he’s the kind of guy who tends to clam up in the presence of pretty women.
MSK did an accurate job of recounting the night, so I won’t repeat it except where I have something to add.
The Landing: They deserve The Pit for not opening the outdoor deck. It was wicked cool, looking down on the river that runs through town, and would have provided 100x more atmosphere than the overcrowded, overheated din inside. I did my best to help things along, but I’m afraid the noise prevented a lot of interaction.
Heartland: Most every man can relate to the idea of seeing an attractive and provocatively-dressed gal, only to see her turn and realize to their horror that the “woman” in question is just a BABY. Pack a hundred of those into one room, and you have Heartland. I spent a great deal of our time there searching for gals who wouldn’t trip my “pervert alarm.” There weren’t many. MSK did his best with very little help from his wingman, which made me proud in an odd way.
Observations: MSK hasn’t heard any of my ruminations until now, because I needed time to try to separate my observations from my biases.
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I cannot conceive of a more hostile environment for someone like MSK than a dance club like the ones we attended. I observed very little interaction among any pairs other than obvious acquaintances and co-arrivals. Add the noise and the age difference, and it’s a recipie for frustration.
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I disagree with MSK that his location hampers his ability to date. I have lived in 17 states–in big cities and small towns–and have yet to be in a place where the locals don’t complain about the lack of things to do. On my way into Mishawaka, I stopped at the Meijer grocery store (they pronounce it “Meyer”) for cash and gas. Needing directions, I passed up the bored Meijer clones and zeroed in on the first pretty and animated gal I saw. It turned out she didn’t even work there, but we talked for about 10 minutes anyway[sup]1[/sup]. So I dispute the “there ain’t any gals” theory.
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On that thought, I think the posters who recommended a club or volunteer work were on the right track. Being an artist, MSK doesn’t meet many people in the course of his work, so he needs more outlets for interaction. I know he’s a better researcher than I, so I won’t post any links to cool-sounding clubs, but they’re out there. I looked.
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To back up Urban Ranger and some others without taking away from MSK’s frustration, I’d second the notion that patience is an unavoidable necessity. The hell of it is, it’s a catch-22. The longer you’re lonely, the easier it is to get desperate. And that, unfortuantely, tends to communicate itself. I was alone for years after Bear’s Mom left, and eventually met a woman in the most unlikeliest, male-dominated arena imaginable.
On DopeFests: I don’t think Persephone will mind me stealing one of her lines.
Single Doper Ladies: If you CAN meet Magical Silver Key, DO meet Magical Silver Key!
He’s intelligent, tall, and a heckuva guy. Although I’m not qualified to give him a “hot” label, I recommend you talk him into attending a DopeFest so you can get to know him.
MSK: Thanks for the comaraderie. If things work out for a DopeFest at Casa Mejor, I don’t want to hear any excuses.
[sup]1[/sup] Her name was Valerie.