using props to meet people

[auntie_em]

*Originally posted by MagicalSilverKey *
**Am I lonely? Yes. Am I bored? Yes. Are these the main reasons I desire a mate? No. They are a very small part of the big picture. The big picture is, that I feel I have had plenty of “me” time. I am satisfied with what I can, and have done for myself. I am jaded of having nothing but “me” time. I would like to be able share and give to someone, and have the same in return. It’s called reciprocation. I’m not driving down a one-way street. I want to learn about someone else, invest interest in them, and what makes them tick. **

Truth is, MSK, single folks can’t win. While I agree with Urban Ranger in that people can smell desperation a mile away, I also give you major kudos for getting out there and trying to take control of the situation (especially being as shy as you are), if it’s not one with which you are satisfied.

Me, I’m on the other end of the spectrum (maybe). I AM one of those people who’s not particularly “looking”, because I am quite happy being single (now, if that mechanic happens to take notice of me in my zebra-print skirt tomorrow, all bets are off :D)…

…and people have something to say about that, too. They wonder WHY I’m not looking (a closeted lesbian, perhaps?). They chafe when I turn down their offers/attempts to fix me up. Hell, a couple of my friends even suggested that I should stop hanging out with my pseudo-kid (long story) because, although he is only 15, he LOOKS older (and I still get carded routinely at 32 :D), and sometimes people think we’re “together”.

So it has been suggested to me more than once that the kid is “cramping my style”, that I should kick him to the curb, because what if a single guy spotted us in the grocery store and–gasp!!–didn’t make his move, assuming I was “taken” by this dirty little dread-locked kid with his pants around his knees?

I figure that what would really cramp my style would be to avoid hanging out with people I enjoy, just in case some single guy I don’t even know (and might not even like) might be looking. Not to mention the fact that I have several other male friends… should I avoid being seen with them in public, too, just so Mr. Right knows I’m available?

But I digress.

Point is, whether you’re single and actively looking, or single and happily cruising the produce aisle with a stinky little boy, people will have something to say.

Ya just gotta keep doing what works for you.

And it sounds like you got off to a good start this weekend…

[MagicalSilverKey]

Originally posted by Wisest Novel

1. I cannot conceive of a more hostile environment for someone like MSK than a dance club like the ones we attended. I observed very little interaction among any pairs other than obvious acquaintances and co-arrivals. Add the noise and the age difference, and it’s a recipie for frustration.

Well, I have to completely agree with his observation. If Wisest thought the two places we did go to were “cold” on the interaction meter, he would have hated The State Theater with a flaming passion, as I do. Everyone in that place are even more automatonic.

2. I disagree with MSK that his location hampers his ability to date. I have lived in 17 states–in big cities and small towns–and have yet to be in a place where the locals don’t complain about the lack of things to do. On my way into Mishawaka, I stopped at the Meijer grocery store (they pronounce it “Meyer”) for cash and gas. Needing directions, I passed up the bored Meijer clones and zeroed in on the first pretty and animated gal I saw. It turned out she didn’t even work there, but we talked for about 10 minutes anyway1. So I dispute the “there ain’t any gals” theory.

Hmmm. Wisest is obviously taking the optimistic view. I’m not quite sure how to respond to this.

On one hand, there’s the factor of living in a major college town. We have at least a dozen major colleges here. Notre Dame, St. Marys, Holy Cross, Bethel College, IVY Tech, Indiana University, etc etc. This is where all of young’ns in nightclubs and bars come from. You know those crazy college kids, all wanna party. The college crowd is pretty ubiquitous most other non-party places, as well.

On the other hand, I will say he does make a point. The types of women I admire are usually the ones I see in the bookstores, or a big store like Meijer. Ironically, I have to admit that Meijer is my favortive place to scope out the babes. I always say to myself, “I need a bigger cart” when I see a lot of pretty women there. The reason I say Wisest is being optimistic, is because he found one lady. One, out of how many my age, are out there, in this locale? All it takes is one, however, this is the “searching for a needle in a haystack” cliche. I was thinking about this very thing before I even got to read his comment. If I want to meet people my age, who are single, I’m going to have to really put myself out there. In as many ways as possible. It could take a long time, as well. They are out there, it’s just a matter of finding them, and that aint easy. Finding college girls here is like fishing in a barrel full of fish. Finding single women over 28 is like fishing for sardines in lake Michigan.

I suppose the major problem of me not being “out there” enough, is a lack of finances. I am unemployed. Looks like finding some type of work is going to be a must, and a given, if I want to do anything else. In regards to volunteer work, I am obviously not an extrovert. Volunteer work usually is very people-oriented. I don’t know how well something like that would work out for me. For those who do not know, I do have a form of social anxiety disorder. I felt it was TMI to point this out, until now. I don’t want to use my problem as an excuse. S.A.D. makes things more complicated, but I have been working on beating this problem, for a long time. I have had it my whole life and change doesn’t happen overnight. I have done a lot of things, specifically in the past year and a half, which I never would have done before. Saturday night, with Wisest, was one of them.

One other thing, which may be hindering my progress is: I know exactly what I desire in a mate. Therefore, I may be narrowing the field a bit too much. Choosing which desires to keep, and which to put aside, is not easy. I don’t want to “just settle” but I can easily be too specific, as well.

A few minor notes…

but there seemed to be an awful lot of topless bars and churches, too. Oh, and Best Name for an Adult Bookstore goes to 'The Playhouse Museum." Museum?

Minor correction, that is Pleasureland Museum lol.
There aren’t any titty bars in Mishawaka, but there are plenty in downtown South Bend.

About my tardiness: My own nature sees that as a plus, since MSK had said he wanted to hit dance clubs, and they don’t ususally pick up until later. But I could tell he was masking disappointment.

I don’t hold the delay against you, Wisest. Unfortunately, there is very litttle else to do after 10 pm around here. Unless you like wandering around 24 hr stores like Walmart and Meijer, that late.

The only “night life” we have here is bars, bowling, and a few all-night restaurants, and stores like Walmart :rolleyes: Once in a while you can catch a movie after 10pm, but they usually run the last shows circa 9:00 - 9:45pm. Movies aren’t ideal for meeting people anyways, because you cant talk! If things would have worked out for us, earlier in the day, we would have had a ton of options. It’s okay though, as I have no regrets.