So I was in a small New Age-y shop today, buying a stone figurine that I’d seen in the window. The whole place stank of [del]burning junk[/del] cheap incense, there were posters on the walls about psychic pain relief and aura colors and whatnot, and the lady asked my if I wanted to know the properties of the stone I was buying. (“Its properties are ‘hard’ and ‘light brown’,” thought I, too polite to say this out loud). As she bagged the crudely-carved kitty, she slipped a few flyers in as well.
When I got home, I decided I’d read them for a laff. Yeah, about what I’d figured they’d be. Protection from “electromagnetic forces”, reiki healing 101, two copies of the same ad for yoni steaming–
record scratch
Yoni steaming? Not-- they didn’t mean-- please let them be talking about the diminutive form of ‘Yonatan’ somehow? Or some other meaning of ‘steaming’? I spent several seconds frozen in horror before I was able to make myself read the rest of it.
NO.
NOPE.
I will never, ever be that curious. NEVER. Also my yoni has curled up and retracted into my uterus, and shows no signs of ever wanting to come back.
I know the New Age crowd is into all sorts of cruel and unusual “health” routines, but… GAH! Why? What sort of thought process do you need to have to decide, “Today I’m going to cook my hooha, and pay for the privilege”? Won’t someone think of the vaginas?!?
I knew someone, and I say KNEW someone for 9 months. Her cycle was exactly synced to the full moon, each and every time. She claims it has always been so. I can just tell from the blood and her stating it for me to realize it.
Several years ago I saw Joanna Lumley talking about this on tv. I thought it was on the Graham Norton show, but Google is claiming no knowledge of such an episode. Apparently she did a show in 2010 called “Joanna Lumley’s Nile” and when she was in Sudan she participated in a ceremony called “Dukahn.” Very similar to what you described, just with old-agey instead of new-agey inspiration.
If you are truly hard-core, you are not going to sit near no boiling herbs. You go to a realsauna where the air temperature exceeds 100 °C. Don’t forget to roll around naked in the snow afterwards!
