Vengeance Artists, please apply here (long)

The BBQ Pit
1

My ex-girlfriend of 8 months whom I broke up with last June has, in the months between then and now, fucked one of my best friends. I just heard of this yesterday, and I don’t think either of them knows I know.

Now, there’s a whole set of morals, a whole unwritten “guy code” that says you should not get involved with your friends’ exes because to do so will usually result in extremely uncomfortable emotional complications. I am, and have always been, a subscriber to this code. I do, however, go into this post with the full realization that there are people out there who vehemently disagree with this code. This thread is not intended for you. If you want to argue with me on this point, please don’t hijack this thread; just start a new one on that particular topic and address it to me, because this particular thread is about vengeance.

You see, it’s been a while since we broke up and I wouldn’t mind at all that she’s had sex with someone else (ignoring, for the time being, the fact that it’s one of my best friends), if she hadn’t been actively engaged in trying to re-court me at the same time, keeping my emotions suspended on a leash for her to play with. Thus, my anger at her. My anger at him is not so much anger as a kind of cold realization that he is no longer one of my best friends, and will in future be a casual acquaintance, at the very most. He broke the code, and he ain’t ever coming back to where he was.

Now, I’ve had a few ideas as to the best way to get back. One is to, the next time I talk to her (assuming she doesn’t know that I know of this), casually work into the conversation the story of a “friend of mine” who just had this happen to him. This would, of course, be replete with "Poor guy"s and "Don’t you think that’s awful?"s and the occasional “To be such a complete sucker and not even know of it…man.” This would hopefully have the effect of twisting her conscience 700 degrees southwest, leaving her with a bad taste in her mouth and a knot in her belly, all without me even letting on that I know. She’ll wonder, of course, if I know, but she won’t know for sure. Ah, the sweetness of it.

As for him, I don’t know what would be appropriate. As I said before, I’m not feeling real rage towards him, more a kind of aloof apathy, like all the emotional cords between us have been severed. He could probably die in a bloody car crash tomorrow and I wouldn’t shed tears. It’s weird. Still, he broke the code, and some form of punishment is probably in order.

So, I leave it to the Roaring Masses. Anyone else out there with horns on your head and a wound in your back? Wanna help? Any ideas? The nastier, the better.

2

So? Fuck you (or fuck your friends actually, since that seems to hurt your feelings). She’s not your property, and neither’s your “friend”. Grow up and deal.

And fuck you twice for trying to tell me what to do in the Pit. Not how it works.

That said, this is where I start understainding where you’re coming from.

I’ll try to ignore how much I don’t believe the bit about you not caring she fucked someone else. That she was still trying to get back with you while not being forthright about her other options, is not very nice of her. If you are over the age of 19, some sort of talk would actually be the best punishment. Your sob story idea sounds like it would leave her with “Poor bastard, he found out and he’s still hung like a lightswitch.” Openly discussing it with her actually has a chance of making her feel guilty.

And as for your friend that you’ve decided to disown. Your life, man, your life.

3

I’m afraid I cannot bestow my gift of vengeance as of yet you sound too in touch with the white-hot to appreciate the subtle smolder.

As for advice, I can only offer this generality. Living good is its own reward. Oh, and remain friends while dating someone hotter than her and talk to her about it. There is some unwritten rule that girls have to listen to this and suffer silently.

4

Dude, if YOU broke up with HER (as you claim) your friends should be free to do whatever they want. YOU didn’t want her anymore, right? Why should someone screwing her bother you at all?

5

Oh, well. . . I think the best thing to do might be to take the high road and write both of them off and get on with life. They both know how you’ll feel, but didn’t worry too much about it so trying to make her feel guilty will just make her feel vaguely uncomfortable for the duration of your conversation, and then she might feel you even a bit more pathetic. I think you CAN, though, sell the CDs she left at your house.
Cheesesteak-- some of us like to use the phrase “broke up” for a mutual end of a relationship-- some of us agree to end relationships that we know are questionable even though we still emotionally/ physically want that person. “Break-up” is not even CLOSE to a synonym for “dumped”. Sheesh.

(I had this happen with an ex-boyfriend who I was still very attached to and a male roommate that I was good chums with, but I didn’t learn about it until a long enough time later that it was only slightly disturbing and mostly funny rather than traumatising-- when the deed actually occured I think I still thought he was straight)

6

sigh You know what? The more I think about this situation, the more I realize that for all of his or her bluntness (and, it has to be said, perplexing amount of rage), Medea’s Child is pretty much right. My OP was written this morning and I’d only just found out about the whole deal the evening before, so I guess I hadn’t really sorted through my feelings. Things are a bit different in the cold clear light of day.

To the others: thanks for your points. These are all worthwhile things to ponder (more worthwhile than my petty revenge scenario, anyway). I don’t know yet how I’m gonna handle this whole situation, but poking around in the shadows with a pointy stick trying to find a weak spot to stab is not the way to go. Thanks for your input.
Hmmm. All this namby-pamby changing-your-mind business doesn’t really belong in the Pit, does it? OK. Hold on. Ahem.

Wild, angry voice

Fuck you, Medea’s Child! Fuck you!

/Wild, angry voice
Was that OK? Yeah?

P.S. A lightswitch? Ouch.

7

I think that this thread needs to be closed.

Lynn