Then a war breaks out between the Peeps and the Circus Peanuts in the land of inedible treats.
The Peeps are powerful in their holiday legions that have been spawned through mass manufacture, but the Circus Peanuts are older and more devious.
The Peeps surround the Circus Peanuts and it looks like sucrose genocide is assured. At the last second, when death seems inevitable, an orangish-yellow rain* falls upon the Peeps, destroying their hordes, leaving the Circus Peanuts victorious and happy.
*Circus Peanuts that have been regurgitated retain their conciousness and as they have been combined with stomach acid, work as sentient chemical warfare. Many people vomit up Circus Peanuts. Fear them. They might come for you next.
Last night at a birthday party for a friend I was presented with the unholy sight of Peeps of varying hues floating in a bowl of jello.
God help me, I ate several.
Nothing on earth is more vile than the grainy texture of a quasi-Peep sliding down your throat ensconced in a spoonful of jello.
Also, fyi, do not put jellybeans in jello. EVER!
a whole thread devoted to the consumtion of peeps, and not one post about the Microwave Torture? Odd.
Stick Peep on a non-stick plate. If you don’t have one, put it on a paper plate that has been lined with saran wrap.
Microwave for thirty seconds or so. The fun is in watching it, so be sure to get a seat right outside the microwave. The Peep will swell to about 6 times it’s original size, and then magically shrink down again.
Face the fury of directed microwave radiation! Swell, my pretty, until you burst, spraying forth carmelized marshmellow to all corners of the kitchen. My spatula awaits thee!
I am the goddess of all PEEPS. I have been eating them since i can remember and there are some things I’ve learned:
Once I sat a pink peep on my dresser and it sat there for a week, it got very hard(of course), BUT, a month later, it was SOFT AGAIN! of course not eddible (that’d be gross)
But they change the longer they sit out. if i racall that peep sat in my room for 4 months, and when i threw it away it was soft. (oh the things i did when i was younger)
another lesson in PEEPS:
The taste of food coloring.
The purple, pink, and blue ones are gross. unless you like that artificial nasty taste of food coloring. Thats probably why so many people dont like them.
I only eat the YELLOW and the WHITE. The white obviously being the best.
I saw someone mentioning circus peanuts earlier. Dammit, I LOVE circus peanuts. I only have them a few times a year, but dammit they rock. I don’t like peeps, but the peanuts, lord I love them.
I love buying them too, the people always look at me wierd, and nobody ever steals them. They are my own widdle candy. I wuv my peanuts yes I do.
[Ren & Stimpy]
R: Oh my beloved Circus Peanuts, how I love to lick your chewy dissolving center… HOW! HOW! HOWWW! And your oh-so-impenetrable stale outer covering! You’re not like the others! You like the same things that I do! Wax Paper! Boiled Football Leather! Dog Breath! We’re not hitchhiking anymore! WE’RE RIDING!!
S: Stop it, you’re talking crazy talk!
R: Oh no, I know what you want! You coveteth my circus peanuts!
S: Come on now…
R: No you don’t! You can’t take it from me now! I’ve had these circus peanuts since I was CHILD! People… always trying to take it from me… why won’t they leave us ALONE?
S: Easy now…
R: Back off, man! (grabs toothbrush) Don’t make me use this! One stop closer, I’m WARNING ya! Don’t make me use it! NOW you’ve done it. YOU FORCED ME TO USE IT! (horrible sounds as Ren brushes his teeth)
[/Ren & Stimpy]
I consumed an entire box of yellow Bunny Peeps from yesterday to today. The first six I ate fresh, and the others I put into the fridge until they were cold and somewhat chewy. They were delicious.
Oddly, after finishing the last one I suddenly had thoughts of New Guinea, the Donner party, and those Andes plane crash survivors.
Holy shit, I was laughing so hard while reading this I almost shit myself…then I went out and bought some Peeps and watched the microwave “Peep show.” Hee hee – Happy Easter to all, and thanks swiddles.
For the record, cat did not explode, go into a coma or any of the above things.
He did, however, wake up at 7 later that morning talking in a rather lucid (read as: multisyllabic) and jittery fashion. His side of the conversation went something like this:
HigoodmorningwowI’mlikereallyawakeandIcan’tbelievehowalertIamImeanIonlyhadfivehoursofsleepIsleptrealgoodandIdon’tthinkit’scozthesugaroryouknowbutI’mreallyawakerightnowhowareyouIatealotofpeepslastnightPEEPSbutIsleptrealgoodareyouawaketoo?!!!
My side of the conversation consisted of me kissing his forehead and rolling farfar away.
I’m not much of a Peeper (I think you have to be raised Catholic?). But I did fall prey once again to my yearly Easter downfall: chocolate-covered coconut Easter eggs. You know, the ones with the inedible chalky flower on the top? “Coronary Occulsion in a Box?”
Every goddam year I eat one of those things, in one sitting. Inedible flower and all. After two bites I think, “Oh god I am going to die.” And the next year I go out and eat another one . . . I have all the sales resistance of Lucy Ricardo in a hat shoppe.
