Well said Phouka. I think you hit the nail on the head.
Yes, Phouka said it well.
I was thinking about the last several viewings and funerals I’ve been to and I think I’ve pinned down a difference. People tended to be much more formal if the event was held in a church. The ones at funeral homes were the ones where I saw the more casual dress.
Does anyone else see that same distinction?
I had a bit of problem when we received sudden news of a death in a colleague’s family and the viewing was that afternoon. So if was to go I would be forced to wear what I had on at work which wasn’t casual but I had lost a cuff button on my shirt and had the sleeves rolled up. Other option was to drive 40 miles round trip to change my shirt.
I don’t think my colleague cared one bit; he was so devastated yet he was so happy to see co-workers come and pay respects.
The only thing I can think is that at some point they were chatting and the deceased said they wanted people to dress happy, to celebrate the life instead of mourn. It’s a stretch.
I think it depends on the people involved, like many have said.
I was at a memorial service this past weekend for my fiance’s aunt.
The middle class types wore suits and/or somber, respectable dresses, while the more working-class types tended toward nicer shirts & slacks, while a few apparently didn’t get the concept, and showed up in jeans.
There were two people in particular who showed up not dressed in the usual getup, and one was her caretaker/case worker person, who I suspect had never owned a dress of the kind that I think is appropriate to wear to a funeral, and the guy who drove her to/from dialysis, who wore a shirt (neatly pressed) with her college’s logo on it, because she’d told him on many occasions that she really liked it.
I was a little embarrassed for the caretaker lady; it doesn’t take much to dress up a little, but I got the impression that she wore the best she had.
As for the driver, it was kind of touching that he intentionally wore the shirt that she liked the best. I thought it was appropriate, even if it wasn’t a suit/tie like I was wearing.
Wear the best you have to a point. Tux are going to far. Be sure to wear something clean and not covered in crap from the job. Don’t wear a smart ass shirt, and turn it inside out if you are destitute. A shirt saying “Drink till you drop!” is not an appropriate shirt for the funeral home. Exceptions for the weird persons that die may nullify normally expected attire.
I was very pissed when a pall bearer didn’t show up in time and then manage torn jeans and a crappy shirt. I wanted to yell and shake him asking if he spent the time ripping the jeans or just getting stoned.
I have a charchol gray suit that I’ve desiginated as my funeral suit. It doesnt fit as nice as when it did 10 years ago but it serves it purpose. I can’t imagine going to a church funeral in anything less.
For a wake I’ve gone in jeans and a tee shirt. Both times I’d found out the person just died and the wake was today. I had to rush over after work. It was right after work and I had no choice or miss it. I was mortified to be so underdressed. As other posters said, the famalies don’t notice. ( For either of my parents’ wakes somebody would have to have been naked for me to notice.) how you show up. It’s nice to know people cared.
For a planned funeral if somebody showed up in flip flops and shorts I’d have words.
My mom told me about attending a funeral at the church she attends. Some young friends of the deceased showed up in scruffy clothes, and a couple of the guys had ball caps on, backwards. A guy from the funeral home, that had the service, leaned over and quietly told the guys to take the hats* off*! They did.
Anybody showing up at my funeral in scruffy clothing, I’ll be damned if I invite them anywhere again!
Actually, I completely agree with Phouka. I have several suits, 2 black, so that’s no problem. These days when I’m at a funeral I generally find myself the only one in a black suit. I get a lot of people coming up to me and asking “where’s your bathroom?” to which I reply “Down the hall from my bedroom, why?”