Now that I’ve gotten your attention (Gutter Minds)
Our mistress of the skies, M’lady Falcon, has a challenge:
Quote:
Well, now that I’ve gotten the new job, the focus
shifts to me getting a new apartment. Which is going
to kill me. First, my mother wants to come help pick
out the apartment. Hello, this is my decision.
Besides, what she wants and what I want are TOTALLY
different. My parents previously offered to pay the
difference between a one and two bedroom place so they
could stay with me when they come visit.
First off, has ANYONE ever heard of doing this??? In
an apartment??? I could sorta see it if I was buyinga townhouse.
Second, this is the woman who read my diary in
college. I do not want her ever at my apartment when
I’m not there. I especially do not want her EVER on mycomputer.
Third, living with a roomie for two years taught me
how much I love solitude. I don’t want them living
with me when they visit. Especially given that right
now, I don’t want them to visit PERIOD.
So. How do I tell this to my mother without breaking
her heart? She’s so freaking excited. And I just sit
there knowing if I don’t stand up on this, I will die
inside. And I can’t just tell her no. Honestly, it
will lead to a huge fight, and accusations of me
getting sick again, which is NOT true. And those
accusation will again lead to the “maybe you should
come down here for a few months to recover.” No no nono no!
sigh Any suggestions?
Falcon, the only thing I can think of right off would be for you to get on the ball and find a nice one-room NOW–before your mom can even get there to help you look. Sneaky? You betcha. But you could be honest and tell her that you found it and couldn’t let it get away. Especially if you can find one close to your job.
Another path you might take would be to appeal to her as an adult. You want to assume your own payments for a place and you can only afford a one br. You’re starting a new job and you’d like to know you’re doing things for yourself. Remind her how proud she should be of you that you want to do things on your own.
Best of luck, honey.
struuter
As someone that truly enjoy’s his solitude, I understand what you’re going through.
Be up front with them without hurting their feelings. Tell them you WANT a cozy place and two bedroom places feel too “roomy”. Tell them you want a place that best suits your day-to-day life (a one bedroom).
Find what you want BEFORE she arrives. Then have all kinds of good excuses for WHY you don’t want to change your mind. It’s convenient to work. It’s close to <xxx>. It feels safe (very good argument). It feels right. etc…
Not hurting parents can be tough…
Oh, honey. I agree, you need to find your own place, a one-bedroom, before she gets there. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, as always. Email me if you want to, I’ll be back home later on.
Take care, and stand fast, on your own two feet. I know you can do it.
You can do it, Falcon!
From what you’ve said of your mom, I think it’s time for you to very gently put your foot down. This is your job, your place, your life. Thank her kindly for wanting to help, but this is something you’ve got to do on your own.
I know what you mean about the solitude thing, too. When I was single & living alone, it was weird at first. But then I learned that there is a difference between being lonely and being alone, and I learned to very much enjoy my solitude. I felt like such a rebel the first time I used the bathroom with the door open, just because I could! 