Or you could just put a cork in it.
There’s another way. Drink another 6-7 shots of vodka plus a beer, then have someone you trust attempt to anally rape you. Do you wake up? If you do, congrats!
You forgot the Cheetos. They might have been the catalyst for this whole saga.
Now that I think about it, why does Chester Cheetah always wear sunglasses, regardless of whether he is outside or not? What does he have to hide?
Agreed. I’m being serious. If your ass hurts, whether you believe you were raped or not, it could indicate a serious condition. Get off your computer, go outside, and go see a doctor, STAT!
So I guess, in the end, other than innuendo, there’s nothing to get all butthurt about here?
What are you? Anal retentive?
(should that have a hyphen?)
When I hear hooves, I think zebras are going by.
Guys. In all seriousness…wouldnt I wake up during an anal rape? I mean seriously…wouldnt I wake up. I just had like 5 shots on vodka and a beer. It was several hours earlier too when I had the drinks.
You were anally probed by visitors from a far away galaxy. That’s how they take all sorts of vital information from us Earthlings. What did the Mother Ship look like?
In all seriousness, you should bite the bullet and go to the doctor. More than one – dude, you’re a serious hypochondriac. (BTW, how’d the root canal go? Did everything work out?)
He’s apparently a hypochondriac and an alchoholic. If you regularly drink so much that you fear that you may have remained unconscious during an anal rape, then you drink too much.
See a doctor about the bump and seek help for the drinking.
If you’re really concerned about your health then you need to change your life. Living in youth hostels and drinking yourself unconscious every night is not good for your health!
I definitely agree. Maybe.
Ha! I vote thread winner!
An old joke:
A: If you went camping with a guy, and you got real drunk, and you woke up the next morning and your ass was sore and you think he might have had sex with you but you don’t remember anything, would you tell anyone?
B: No!
A: Wanna go camping?
If not a medical doctor, you should go see some sort of professional about your behavior. Perhaps a therapist or an analyst.
If only we knew of someone who had training in both…
Taking it in the ass isn’t something you are going to feel days later. Assholes are very resilient.
Reasons to see a doctor:
-
Your ass hurts. Regardless of whether or not you were raped, this is a problem.
-
Drinking makes your ass hurt more. Regardless of whether it is aggravating some kind of problem, like hemorrhoids, or causing you to pass out and not wake up while being anally raped, this is a problem as well.
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Your shit smells like perfume. Regardless of whether you were raped with scented lube, have a rare metabolic disorder, or are having olfactory hallucinations, this is a problem.
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HIV can be prevented with prophylactic anti-virals, but you need them STAT.
-
If you really were raped, you should be checked for things like chlamydia and gonorrhea, which are easily cured, but serious if not treated, and you may have been exposed to the Human Papillomavirus, but it is possible that Gardasil can still prevent it if you get a shot right away (I don’t have any idea, though).
Go see a doctor. How many more people have to say it?
Cite?
I don’t care what anybody else says. This wins the thread.
Where do you get that? Sheee-it, six shots and a beer is just the start of the evening for a proper alky. Hour One or so, and there are plenty of hours ahead. I think you saw too many MADD videos in grade school. 
I’m liking the hallucinations, but I like hallucinations.
Heh heh He said anal.
Is that a kind of butt doctor?
Ok, really TMI, and I feel kind of silly even responding to this thread BUT…
A few years ago I had a lump in my butt. It turned out to be an infected anal fistula. Had I not had it treated I may well have died. I’m not saying that’s what you have. Maybe you just fell on your ass when you were drunk and bruised it. But I would go to a doctor if it’s painful and persistent.
ETA: Also, I am amused by the dope hearing of a guy getting drunk on vacation and immediately assuming he’s a hopeless alcoholic. Oh, SDMB, you’ll never change.