We have found a witch. May we burn her?

“How do you know she is a witch?”

“She looks like one.”

“Right! Yeah! Yeah!”

“Bring her forward.”

“I’m not a witch. I’m not a witch.”

“Uh, but you are dressed as one.”

“They dressed me up like this.”

“Augh, we didn’t! We didn’t…”

“And this isn’t my nose. It’s a false one.”

“Well?”

“She turned me into a newt…”

“I got better…”

Prick her and see if she bleeds.

Oh wait - that could make her a jew as well…

Blessed be.

“…And then, the oral sex!!!”

PS My rooomate last year used the phrase “huge tracts of land” in every single paper he wrote during the school year. I was proud. I am sure, though, that at least one teacher of his had seen the movie and paused for a minute when they read those words.

Five is RIGHT OUT.

Tasha, dear, you’re stealing all my Python popularity!

Oh well…

“Now stand aside worthy adversary”
“Tis but a scratch”
“A scratch?!? Your arms off!”
“No it isn’t”
“Well, what’s that then?”
“I’ve had worse”
“You lie!”
“Come on, you pansy!”
.
.
“Victory is mine! We thank thee Lord, that in thy mer…”
“Come on then!”
“What???”
“Haright you!”
“You are indeed brave sir knight, but the fight is mine”
“Oh, had enough eh?”
“Look you stupid bastard, you’ve got no arms left!”
“Yes I have”
“Look!!!”
“It’s just a flesh wound”
“Look, stop that”
“Chicken! Chicken!!”
“Look I’ll have your leg…right!”
“Right I’ll do you for that!”
“You’ll what???”
“Come here!”
“What’re you going to do, bleed on me?”
“I’m invincible!”
“You’re a loony”
“The black knight always triumphs! Haright you, come on then!”
.
.
“Alright, we’ll call it a draw”
“Come, Patsy”
“Oh, I see…running away eh? You yellow bastards, come back here and take what’s coming to you! I’ll bite your legs off!”

For the record, I think that’s: “Have at you!”

-S

Python is popular no matter what. and i have a few last words to reply…
“We are no longer the knights who say Ni, we are the knights who say ecky-ecky-pikang-zoom-boing…”

And I’d like to make a request for a shrubbery that resembles Professor Gumby. And two bricks to bash my head in with while i croon love songs.

Yeah, so I’m a bitc… oh you said ** w ** itch !

Uh, never mind.

Awright, quit gawking like you’ve never seen the hand of god before!

“What floats?”

“Rocks! Er, well small rocks.”

Arthur: Old woman!

Dennis: Man!

Arthur: Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?

Dennis: I’m thirty-seven.

Arthur: I – what?

Dennis: I’m thirty-seven. I’m not old.

Arthur: Well, I can’t just call you ‘Man.’

Dennis: Well, you could say ‘Dennis.’

Arthur: Well, I didn’t know you were called ‘Dennis.’

Dennis: Well, you didn’t bother to find out, did you?

Arthur: I did say ‘sorry’ about the ‘old woman’, but from the behind you looked–

Dennis: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!

Arthur: Well, I am King!

Dennis: Oh, king, eh, very nice. And how d’you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By ’anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there’s ever going to be any progress with the–

Woman: Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d’you do?

Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?

Woman: King of the who?

Arthur: The Britons.

Woman: Who are the Britons?

Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.

Woman: I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

Dennis: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–

Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.

Dennis: That’s what it’s all about. If only people would hear of–

Arthur: Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

Woman: No one lives there.

Arthur: Then who is your lord?

Woman: We don’t have a lord.

Arthur [incredulous]: What?

Dennis: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week…

Arthur [annoyed]: Yes.

Dennis: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…

Arthur [more annoyed]: Yes, I see.

Dennis: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs…

Arthur: Be quiet!

Dennis: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major–

Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.

Arthur: I am your king!

Woman: Well, I didn’t vote for you.

Arthur: You don’t vote for kings.

Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?

Arthur: The Lady of the Lake…

[angels sing]

…her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.

[singing stops]

That is why I am your king!

Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!

Arthur: Be quiet!

Dennis: Well, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ‘cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

Arthur: Shut up!

Dennis: I mean, if I went ‘round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

Arthur: Shut up, will you? Shut up!

Dennis: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.

Arthur: Shut up!

Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!

Arthur: Bloody peasant!

Dennis: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?

“Well, on second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.”

And now for something completely different…

A man with a tape recorder, up his nose

Green. No, blue… Aaaayyyyy…

Whoa dude, I just can’t hang.

Bedevere: What also floats in water?
Villager: Bread!
Another Villager: Apples!
Another Villager: Uh…very small rocks!
Another Villager: Cider!
Another Villager: Uh…great gravy!
Another Villager: Cherries!
Another Villager: Mud!
Another Villager: Churches! Churches!
Another Villager: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck!
Villagers: (in amazement) ooooooh!
B: exACTly!
B: (to a villager) So, logically

Villager: (very slowly, with pauses between each word) If…she…weighs the same as a duck…she’s made of wood.

B: and therefore…

(pause)

Villager: A Witch!
All Villagers: A WITCH!

Only for my first post…dang I need to see this movie again!

“What is the weight of an unladen swallow?”

“An African or European Swallow?”

Lsura(dang, I wish I knew this one as well as y’all!)