Friend of mine had a boat. He used to say to girls
Friend - “What’s your name?”
Girl - “<Insert Random Name>”
Friend - “Wow, I have a boat named after you.”
Girl - “Really?”
Friend - “Yeah, I’ll bet you your phone number I’ve a boat named after you.”
Girl - “You’re on, prove it!”
He’d pull out a picture of the back of his (small, ratty, nasty-looking) boat, which was named…
“After You”
Worked surprisingly often, to be honest. Still kind of freaks me out.
Another friend would stand by the ladie’s room in a bar, and ask every pretty girl who came out “Wanna fuck or do I owe you an apology?” Nine times out of ten he’d get slapped, but there’s always that one.
Er, what? I read it as him making fun of your girly beverage choice, and wanting to buy you something stronger, a “real drink,” straight booze of some kind.
But I wasn’t there and I could jolly well be wrong. Was he leering or something when he said it?
A beautiful young woman is surrounded by a crowd of men at a bar. Hitch walks up to the crowd, elbowing his way in.
Hitch (handing the girl a twenty): Excuse me. Hey, baby, can we get two Coronas over there? Thanks. (walks away)
Girl: Excuse me?! Hey! (follows him out of the crowd of guys) Hey!
Hitch (still walking away) Two Coronas will be fine … keep the change.
Girl (catching up to him): HEY! I am not a waitress! (hands him the money)
Hitch holds the girl’s hand a moment.
Hitch: I’ve got a confession to make. I knew you weren’t a waitress when I walked up.
Girl: … then why …?
Hitch: I knew I wouldn’t have a chance to talk with you around all those guys.
That scene, and the scene where he meets Sarah Melas, are the epitome of cool in my book.
“Hey…I might not be much to look at but right now I’m the only guy talking to you!”
“You know there’s nothing wrong with giving a blowjob in the bathroom…”
Girl: “Do you know where [whatever] is?”
Guy: “I think I have some in my pants. Do you want to go somewhere and take a look?”
This quote is from a movie with Ryan Renalds (Van Wilder). I always thought it was amusing:
Guy: “You should stop drinking.”
Girl in Bar: "Why? I just got here. "
Guy: “Because you’re driving me home.”
Well, it wasn’t that original a pickup line in and of itself…but the circumstances…
I’m over at a friend’s house hanging out with a bunch of people. The house was on the corner of a fairly busy street & a side street. I’m waiting for traffic on the busy street so I can cross & go the Burger King for takeout.
As I’m watching traffic, I hear from the direction of the side street, a male voice saying “Hey baby, wanna go for a ride?”
I turn and look (thinking it might be one of my friends giving me sh*t), and there, in a little rustbucket car, with the window rolled down…
…is a CLOWN. Yes, a clown, in full make up, wig, polka-dotted outfit, the works.
In something akin to shock, I turned around and walked back into my friend’s house, where I was able to say (in all truth)…
“You’re not gonna believe this, but I was just hit on by some clown!”
I’ve never bothered with pickup lines. They seem desperate somehow.
I stick to “Can I buy you a beer?” or swinging smoothly in to light a cigarette.
Recently I was at a bar downtown with a couple of friends. I wasn’t paying attention, but my friends pointed out to me that a lady down the bar was checking me out. She was a good deal older than me but she was very attractive. She was also there with two friends, another lady and one big galoot in between. I kept my eye out on them and Goons McSwarthy seemed to be paying a lot of attention to the other woman. So far, so good, says I. I make my approach and exchange pleasantries, bum her a smoke and a light. McSwarthy eyeballs me but not menacingly. In fact, he doesn’t seem to care that much. I am emboldened. Emboldened, yet cautious. I’m very glad I asked the following question.
“Say, if I buy you a drink, will that big dude next to you get mad?”
“Him? Nah, he’s my boyfriend.”
That big, hairy brick wall of a man didn’t even look at me. He was that cool.
“Ah,” I said, “cool.”
I promptly ordered two beers for my friends and walked away quickly.
The pickup line: “Is a crawdad a crustation or a mollusk?”
The reality: A friend and I were having WAY too many drinks in a bar and get into a conversation if people know the difference between a crustation and a mollusk. I thought most didn’t know. We spotted a couple of girls at the bar and I thought I’d test it.
So here I am, some drunk goof off, walking up to a couple of chicks while my friend smirked behind me.
The bad news is I returned to the table shot down and rejected.
The good news is I got to say I proved my point because they told me to “get lost” because they didn’t know the answer.
“So, would you let your best friend wank you off?” mid-conversation from a paedophile on Bath 'bus station circa 1973 may not count. I’m pleased to report that I fielded this one with becoming dignity for a 12-year-old. And I wasn’t to be swayed even by the strongly-implied offer of money.
Neither penis nor panic ensued. I believe I experienced the upside of social ineptitude that day. :dubious:
Yes, but the real question is, “How do you spell crustacean?” (And they might have told you to get lost because you were a drunken fool hitting on them. Just saying.)
