Welcome home, honey. I killed myself.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My God. We just found out that Mr. S’s niece’s husband hanged himself last night. She found him and tried to cut him down, but couldn’t, and called 911. Somewhere in the confusion her husband’s father came over and got him down. That’s all we know at this point – we’re wating for her mother, his sister, to call us back.

She and her mother used to live in this house with Mr. S when he was single. They weren’t ever really close, and we didn’t see the niece at all after she and her mother moved out. She got married several years back, and (as far as I can recall) we weren’t invited to the wedding, which was fine. Her mother, Mr. S’s sister, is pretty quiet, but we bump into her now and then.

The niece is all of 32 years old. Is it wrong of me to think, “Thank God they didn’t have any children”?

Back later . . .

2

That’s horrible. How’s your niece in law holding up?

3

Don’t know – we haven’t heard from her mother yet, and we’re not close enough that it would be appropriate to call her house.

Here’s what happened so far: I got home from an afternoon out and found the message from his sister on the machine. Just “Hi, this is me, call me back.” Very matter-of-fact and flat, but as I said she’s quiet and that’s just the way she is. A little wierd because she never calls us, but it’s not inconceivable that she might call if she needed a hand with something. (Although as Mr. S remarked, before we found out what it was about, she would probably get her son-in-law to help her. Heh, the things you remember saying . . .) Anyway, he called her back but got her machine, and left a message. So we doodled around the house for a while (there’s always something to do) and then the phone rang. Only it wasn’t her, it was a neighbor, calling to check in with us, because she had heard about it from someone else, and Mr. S had to persuade her to tell him what was going on, since he was waiting to hear back and from the neighbor’s tone it sounded Not Good.

So after that we left another message for his sister that we were on our way over to her house. We stopped next door at his brother’s house; his wife was home and she told us the details about who found him, etc. No one was home at his sister’s house. So now we’re home waiting for the sister to call. She’s probably over at her daughter’s.

So many thoughts. Mr. S met him a few times. I’ve only seen pictures. All we know about him was that he was an avid fisherman and hunter. Hope they had some insurance – she works in a store and we know how good retail bennies are. Hope she doesn’t lose her house – if she even will want to live there anymore. Are we going to a funeral on Saturday? With the holiday weekend, that’ll probably be the day. Nice association for that family from now on – 4th of July will be the shits. We hope she will seek some kind of counseling – this is the sort of thing that can mess you up good. Nice kid – doesn’t deserve this hell.

Just when you think your life sucks because your car needs fixing or you’re 20 pounds overweight or your boss is giving you grief . . . life whaps you upside the head and reminds you how good you have it.

What a horrid, horrid thing that I would not wish on my worst enemy. God be with her.

4

Speaking as one of the children, I vote ‘no’.

That is really awful. My prayers, such as they are, for all of you.

5

My Mom took my father’s death (from a heart attack) pretty hard. She took Paxil and went to a support group for a couple of months.

One day a lady came whose husband killed herself. At that point, my Mother realized how small her trauma was.

The OP points out how selfish and hurtful self-slaughter is.

I wish your family well in this tough time.

6

The true victims of suicide are those left behind with so many questions that will remain unanswered.

Sad. Very sad.

May God be with her.

7

My folks were married for 57 years when Dad died. Mom went to grief therapy for quite a while. She said it helped her a lot…

Hope your family gets all the help they ca
.

Tough road to hoe.

8

Very sad.

Our friends cousin used a shotgun, another friend’s boyfriend rang her dad and told him to come home, then hung himself, knowing that when the father arrived 30 mins later he’d be dead. At least he made sure his girlfriend wouldn’t be the one to find him. So many young men with such bright futures.

It’s always so hard for the family, they’re always guilty, no matter what happened, and despite the fact that it wasn’t their fault.

My prayers for your niece, and her husband’s family.

9

It seems to get worse, if that can be possible. We had surmised that she came home from work or someplace to find him, but oh no. She was home at the time. Lay down for a nap and woke up to find that. Good lord, I wouldn’t blame her if she never set foot in the house again. She’s staying with her mother for now.

Yes, we didn’t know him, so have no idea if there were any warnings or clues, but I can’t help but keep reminding myself that a person who does this is not in his right mind. How else (all other things being equal) could you do such a hurtful, horrible thing to your wife?

Taran, I’m very sorry. I can’t imagine how awful that must have been for you. I feel blindsided and I barely know the people involved. To be an immediate family member . . .

We may end up building a dog kennel this weekend; the niece’s three dogs are crammed in at her mother’s small house and there’s really no place to safely contain them. We have some extra fencing we’re not using that we can rip out. I will be grateful if we can do some useful thing . . .

Thank you to everyone for all your well wishes. She’ll need them.

10

Ugh, that’s awful. A friend of mine’s wife hung herself in their apartment, but she waited until he was at work. (She did call him while at work, as well as a couple other people, so he was left analyzing their last conversation and whether he should have suspected something from it.) I’d think that the niece in your case would have even more guilt issues as a result of the timing. And yes, my friend moved out of his old place.

11

That is quite sad. My sympathies to everyone involved. While I have never experienced such a loss myself (and I pray to God I never do), it pains me to think of how traumatic and horrifying it must be to lose a loved one that way.
A lot of men out there seem to suffer from depression in silence because they are socialized not to talk about feelings. How sad that this man was suffering so much and no one knew. :frowning:

12

Scarlett, I’m very sorry to hear about this, and my sympathies go to you and your family. I guess if there’s anything useful to say, it’s this: Although I know that the husband’s death causes everyone in the family pain, suicides are usually not about causing their loved ones pain; it’s usually someone trying to escape their own, and not having the abilities to deal with it in a constructive manner. My heart goes out to your whole family, but especially to your niece. If you do talk to her, please remember to reassure her that she bears no blame in the death, that it was only the husband’s choice.

13

Scarlett, I hope your family all the best. Something like that happened to a little girl, who was in second grade at the time, I knew back in fifth grade. We went to the same school and lived in the same apartment building. One day, she wasn’t on the bus to school, so I asked my mother if she was sick or something. My mother told me that her mother had jumped off her balcony and killed herself. Unfortunately, my friend, who was all of 7 years old at the time, was the only one who saw her mother get onto the balcony right before she jumped off. It’s such a shame so many people throw their lives away like this. I’ll be praying for your family, especially your niece. :frowning:

14

Something you hear many times from people who attempted suicide was that they believed they were a burden on their loved ones, and everyone would be better off without them. What a horrible state of mind, when you feel you can’t even go to the people who want to help you most. I can hardly contemplate it.

My heart goes out to your family.

15

I’m so sorry to hear this.

My sister killed herself a number of years ago (car in closed garage) and yes, it’s horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly, terribly awfullly painful.

Do what you can, even if it’s just a little bit. Even if it’s just being there, just listening. You can’t take the pain away, but you *can * help the surviors cope.

16

The visitation and services were last night.

She was upright, talking, functional. She thanked us for the lavender eye pillows and room/linen spray we sent over; said the lavender helped her breathe. She actually has spent a night or two alone in the house. She said there were lots of good memories there too – just one very, very bad day. Brave girl. She has two dogs to keep her company – the dog lovers among us know how beneficial puppy therapy can be.

The people at the funeral home said they had never seen such a turnout. Visitation was three hours and there was a line out the door after the first half hour. The brief service was standing room only. This guy had a lot of friends.

He was a veteran, so there was a military ceremony. Very moving. I couldn’t help thinking how horrid it must be to have to accept a flag in place of your husband.

This morning, after Mr. S had gone to work, I lay in our bed alone, with two dogs for company and tears in my eyes, thinking of the young lady several miles away who was probably doing the same only with a much heavier heart. And I counted my blessings, grateful for every last one.

17

How sad. If he’d only known…

18

Is it true that many life insurance policies don’t pay if the holder commits suicide?

19

It depends. The one I had stated it wouldn’t pay off for a suicide within two years of purchasing the policy.