Geez, I didn’t know there were actual cops in this town! I moved here because I thought there would be a more, um, enlightened attitude about such things.
JC, Do you have an opening for a sports columnist? I promise to completely ignore ungrateful, spoiled multi-millionaire jocks and focus on things like Co-Gender Nude Twister tournaments and Full-Contact Chess.
LucChiq, Why doncha meet me by the river, little darlin’? I might just let you see my bad tatoo. And you can bring your roomie.
Well you know you can just slither on down to the local diner and gather up all the local gossip. We got all the low-down on population. Like how that millionaire made all that money and how that school teacher can afford all the hired help. Not to mention that Eve was in a bit ago and gave us the latest on what’s going on with that library crowd over there. Believe me it ain’t books they shelving over there.
Tonight, for one night only! Forget those winter chills!
Skerri’s will be hosting “A Night In Tahiti”. Bring your bathing suits (or not, bathing suit optional!) and prepare to sip on daquiris and other frosty drinks. Beach chairs will be provided, along with various beach music. Make sure you bring your flip-flops, because we are transforming Skerri’s into your own personal beach! Take a dip in the (kiddie) pool, or lounge under one of the umbrellas. It’s sure to be a hot time tonight!
Hey, does anyone know where I can get about 50 bags of sand, cheap?
Finishes lunch at the diner, sits on the curb, drinks something from a brown paper bag, and leers at a woman with a her hair in a bun entering his place of employment.
Well, I’m open for business! um, that didn’t come out quite right, did it? Anyways, the archives are open for your perusal. If there’s aaything you’d like to add, or change, see me. Doens’t mean I am confined to the stereotype of your average town archivist… much like the stereotype of the librarian with glasses and her hair up in a bun, complete with frosty glare. Nope, because while I do have glasses, I am happy to see you all, and serve the townsfolk.
I must disagree, plnnr. If your secretary expects free boobs on the taxpayer dole, soon every woman will want them. But what can we offer the men? I doubt they’ll want free boobs. Equal protection under the law and everything.
Maybe your secretary can moonlight for FCM for extra money…I hear she’s rolling in it.
I’m sending Persephone over with a camera crew to Tahiti Night. Please, people, no flashing the camera unless we ask. We want to be able to show some of the footage on the news, but we will be editing an expose’ The Seedy Underside of Dopeville during Febraury sweeps.
Sorry, ivylass, but your government doesn’t care whether you agree or disagree. What are you, some kind of terrorist? There’s a war on, you know. There will be a tax hike and my secretary will get her new boobs. And if I hear anymore about it, Tom Ridge and John Ashcroft will see to it that you end up in an “undisclosed location.”
Well, what are you going to do for me to keep me from sending my camera crew over to your office? Or to the hospital while Miss NewBoobs is recovering from her enhancement? Hmmmmm??
Lumbers…err…staggers into the diner. Ultress did ya hear that Gorgon Heap and that new cub reporter at “The Gazette” are the opening act for amateur night at scott evil’s gay bar/strip joint? And Eve was seen running her lorgnette all over the chest of FairyChatMarm’s cook during the Fried Corn Festival last Saturday. Oh and last night at Skerri’s, plnnr was doing tequila shooters and using his secretary’s neck as a salt lick. Seems there was a little hanky panky going on behind the dumpster after the diner closed yesterday, too. As I understand it ivylass and the strange person that sits on the curb drinking out of a brown paper bag all day were playing strip jacks til the wee hours. And I hear that for an extra fee, LucChiq will perform certain, shall we say, “personal services” for the male patients over at the hospital."
Please proceed to the television station and disconnect both the water and sewer service. Additionally, you are hereby directed to pave, repave, and re-repave the streets in front of the station for the next month. Please block the sidewalk, both lanes of traffic so as to require a detour, and also institute a “temporary” shut-down of the station’s electrical supply. This will, of course, render the building unfit for human habitation. By way of a copy of this memoradnum, I am notifying the Building Inspector’s Office to placard the television station as “Condemned.” By way of an additional copy of this memorandum, I am hereby notifying the police department to arrest and detain, as possible enemy combatants, anyone who attempts to enter the television station in violation of the “Condemned” sign.
If you have any questions, or need additional information, please advise.
