I’m the village idiot. I spend most of my days down in the town square trying to fit rocks in my ear. When I’m not doing that, I’m chasing my own shadow or hanging out by the docks, trying to convince the gulls I’m the King of Portugal.
Well then I’m going to have to start up the town’s commercial radio station. KDPE 102.3 will play oldies and do talk shows of local interest, as well as provide advertising opportunities to all the local businesses.
Oh yes, and I’m the morning DJ. Number One with a BULLET, baby!
You know that tasty Dopeville Bräu everybody likes to drink at the local bar(s)? That’s made at my brewery.
I’d also like to place an ad in the Gazette. Is there an advertising agency in town that could design it for me?
Hello there. I belong to a large cartel that controls Dopeville’s seedy undercurrents. If you don’t like it Vito and Guido will be over to exact you some tribute.
Part of my job is to keep the false information running around that Cecil Adams is a real person and not a conglomeration of people run by Ed Zotti. Spread disinformation and ignorance is the motto. Bring up the topic and see it shot down by the masses. Ignorance for all.
/em gets dragged away and beaten to a bloody pulp by Vito and Guido.
I recant. That must not be true. Vito and Guido have set me straight.
mkl12, run a schedule on KDPE. We’ll do you a better job than any ad agency!
Oh yes, I forgot. I’m looking for disc jockeys. You’ll work for low pay, impossible hours, and all the CDs you can steal. Any applicants?
Phooey on that. Television is the best medium for advertising…our rates are competitive, we reach more people, and no matter what your demo, we’ll fit you in.
(Pssst…Rico…want to run some cross channel spots for your radio station on my tv station?)
I am The Long Lost Doper, who lives in the High Desert of New Mexico. There are no Dopefests where I abide, but I offer shelter and sanctuary to all of the Eastern Dopers who are on the run from the Long Arm of the Law.
Come to my mountains, hide out in my fathomless caves, learn the ways of Geronimo, Kit Carson; discover the red earth of Abiquiu, Georgia O’Keefe’s adopted land; see the beauty of the desert and our lizards and chollas; taste the sweet, numbing nectar that is tequila…
Someday, you may return to the hustle and bustle of Dopeville, mayhap with a brand new identity, but the Call of the Wild West will remain in your soul, and someday a New Dopeville will spring from the dry, barren, forbidding earth of the Desert Southwest.
They sure had that Dopeville pharmacist pegged when they coined the term soda JERK!
Sure four pounds is a lot of rat poison, but what’s it to you?
Maybe I got a lotta rats in mind that need taking care of. Big ones too!
Darn kid.
I’m trying to get up the nerve to flirt with the new assistant librarian. She’s got a pretty face, and I’m interested in just about any woman who’s interested in books. But those glasses and that bun are like a neon sign saying stay away!, and the way she glares at me when I’m clacking away on my laptop in the library…sheesh.
Besides, she says there’s no flirting in the library.
Gotta wonder what she’d look like if she let her hair down, though…
Hey, watch out, bud! I saw her first!
Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, see if you’ve got enough of a blowtorch to get through her armor. 
At least I’m packin’ a blowtorch, not a Bic lighter;)
If I may, we still need a sheriff, a hospital, a sports team, a grocery store, music teachers, landscapers, a humane society…
The sports team would be called the Dopeville Turkeys, of course, though what sport would they play? The cheerleaders—the Cecettes—are holding tryouts at the high school next week.
The Dopeville Turkeys play Quidditch!!
I am a student at Dopeville high school. I pull decent enough grades to go to university when I graduate, but my main goal is to get my band up and running. I am the vocalist/guitarist. We score gigs every once and a while at Skerri’s music club, but we mostly play house shows. I am trying to score one of the jobs with Treviathan as a disc jockey at KTRV. Hopefully, if I get the job, he will let me play some of our stuff on-air. If anyone wants to book us the band’s name is The Whelks. We play mostly original stuff, punk, but we have covered songs from silverchair and nirvana.
Eve, darling, you would be Mistress of Ceremonies at the Friday Night Pajama & Martini Party. We have to have some class, in order to not offend the terribly delicate.
Of course, I’ll have to find a nice antique chaise longue for you to preside from. This one may have to do in a pinch, but I’m sure I can find something better, later on.
Friday night, huh? Let me check my busy social calendar.
Hope you don’t mind that I sleep in the nude!
Heh-heh! Wheeze.
Skerri, do you have different flavor martinis, or just the straight gin and vodka ones?
I’ve never had a martini, and I thought a green-apple one would be nice.
Goodness gracious - it seems I have need of a studly, live-in pool boy. I suppose I should run an ad in the Classifieds. [ul]Wanted: Qualified pool technician. Additional duties as required. Must have own Speedo and skimmer. Room and board provided. Pleasant work environment. No heavy lifting. Call to arrange interview.[/ul]Let’s see how that works out…