After years of the bullshit, pleading and crying and begging, I have had enough and won’t do it any more. The offense that caused him to rush out the door, hurling insults and promising “a battle”? I was a half an hour late coming home from my job. A job that, by the way, I have neglected and sidelined in favor of this relationship. A job that is important to me but nonetheless got shoved on the back burner because it took away from “our time”. A job that has me working in front of an enormous window and is therefore easily verifiable that I am at.
Where he thinks I was, I don’t know, because he won’t tell me. As with these types of arguments in the past, he refuses to tell me what the problem is because if he has to “drag it out of me” then there has to be “more than (I) even know about”. Usually this results in me accounting for every minute of my day, complete with any proof I can hand over, and crying hysterically while trying to get him to TELL ME what he thinks is going on. No more. I won’t do it. I haven’t done anything wrong and I won’t be bullied into acting as if I have.
I’m trying not to think about how much I’m going to miss his son, who I have loved with every bit of my being. That hurts too much to poke at right now.
What happens from here, I don’t know, and I’m scared. We live together (although a call to the landlord tonight makes me hopeful that I can get him off the lease) and even if he were willing part amicably, we would have to share the house until one of us can move. It makes FAR more practical sense for him to move, as I have 3 dogs and renting with animals is ridiculously difficult, at least in my income bracket. Of course he won’t do things the easy way, and is vowing to have me thrown out with a “court manner” (as is frequently the case he has no idea what he’s talking about).
He also warned me to deactivate my Facebook account, as he will be airing my dirty laundry to the public ASAP. Ha. That threat would have meant something 2 years ago when I had any friends, but those got sacrificed to the relationship as well. I could go the nasty route and put his business out into the world too, but I would really rather things didn’t go there. I would also be more scared of this threat if he had anything to actually put out there. Since I haven’t cheated, he doesn’t have evidence of such. Can’t fabricate proof. Or maybe he can, and whatever.
What I’m totally freaked out about is what he will do when things don’t go down as he expects them to, i.e. me getting hysterical and begging him to come back. I have to leave to go to work, and while he is at work for part of that same time, he’s alone in the house for about 2 hours every night. I wouldn’t put it past him to leave the gate open so the dogs could wander out, and that would destroy me. These 3 are my heart, I don’t know what I would do if something happened to them. I can stay home with them tomorrow at least, but I have to go to work all day Saturday and he will be home. So I guess what this TLDR post is (beyond a bit of venting as I sit in my empty house) is asking for advice about that specifically. What should I do? I don’t even want to raise the question of “please don’t hurt the dogs” in case that plants the thought in his head. I don’t have any where to park them for the time being (remember the “no friends” bit?) and I can’t be home every minute to watch things. Any ideas? I’m stuck and having a freakout here.