Well, I Done Fucked Up Again!

The BBQ Pit
1

So I get a call awhile back from one of my ex’s. One that I wish I’d never lost, and that I’d be more than willing to commit mass-genocide to win back.

The conversation goes pretty well, and everything seems okay. Don’t know if we’ll end up back together or not, but we might be able to squeak out a friendship. The next day, I do something really stupid, I send her an e-mail that’s pretty loopy. I manage to avoid making a complete ass out of myself in the thing (at least I hope so, anyways), but it was still probably a little too enthusiastic. Of course, at this point I start taking Zyban so I can quit smoking. One of the initial side-effects is a sense of euphoria (for those of you who’ve done acid, its exactly like what happens when it really begins to kick in), and I’m pretty loopy. I retain enough sense not to call her, that day. The next day, though, I gain back enough of my senses to realize that the last e-mail I sent probably wasn’t the smartest thing I could have done. So what do I do? I call her up, and explain what all’s been going on with me, apologize, and tell her I’ll call her next week when I get my head sorted out.

Well, it’s next week. I call her, not home. I don’t want to try and keep calling her, because that’ll only make me look like an ass, but I do try a couple of more times. Still, not home. Shit. So, I send her an e-mail saying that I’m rational now, apologize, and ask her to forget about anything I might have said or written that was upsetting to her. No response.

Now, I realize that the chances of us getting back together were as near as nothing as to make no odds, but damn it I would have at least liked to have seen her one last time! That’s not going to happen now.

::bangs head against keyboard:: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! ::bangs head against keyboard:: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! ::bangs head against keyboard:: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! ::bangs head against keyboard:: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! ::bangs head against keyboard:: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! ::bangs head against keyboard:: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! ::bangs head against keyboard:: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! ::bangs head against keyboard:: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! ::bangs head against keyboard:: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! ::bangs head against keyboard:: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

One of these days I’ll figure it all out. :rolleyes:

2

I like how you can type “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” using just your forehead.

3

Maybe it’s just that - she’s not home. Hasn’t got the e-mail and phone messages yet, or is thinking things out before she answers.

4

Oh, you poor bastard.

I feel for ya, pal. I really do.

5

Oh, yes, I can feel your pain! Been there, done that.

“Stupid Emails We Should Never Have Sent and Why Isn’t There an After-Sending Delete Button on this Stupid Computer” could be a whole other thread.

And yes, your ability to type with your forehead is a wonderful asset! Conjures up interesting images of protruberances that might sit between your eyes!!

6

If nothing else, there’s gotta be a need soemwhere for prehensile eyebrows!

7

BTW Tuckerfan, how’s the not smoking going?

8

Ah, you poor sap. You do know at this point that you have to leave her completely alone and let her make the next contact, right? Thought so. So, what’s happening with the job? I seem to recall you saying there were layoffs in the wind there. (And kudos on quitting smoking - smokes just went up to $8.50 a pack here - maybe thinking about that will help :D)

9

Well, I had to cut back the dose of Zyban I was taking because of the side-effects, so I’m still smoking (slightly less than I was before, though), I’m going back to the doc on Monday to see if see can’t switch me to a different anti-depressant and see if that doesn’t help.

featherlou, yeah, yeah, I know. One of the reasons I never tried to contact her after she made it quite clear that she didn’t want anything to do with me the last time was because I knew that it wouldn’t do me any good and only make me look like a psychopath. Oh, and the layoffs are supposedly over. They hacked a bunch of management schmucks (Bright idea, guys, there’s never a supervisor around when you need one, so you “solve” the problem by letting half of them go. :rolleyes: ) However, I’m gonna have to bail on the job soon as they’ve announced they’re going to be doing scheduling changes shortly and the odds are that I’ll draw a schedule which prevents me from going to school.

Ya, wanna know what’s totally ironic about all this? If I weren’t on the anti-depressants, I’d no doubt be passed out on the floor with an empty bottle of whiskey in my hand.

10

You idiot.

You worthless loser.

That was ** STUPID!!!**

It was without a doubt one of the most incredibly foolish things you could possibly have done in your entire life.

In fact, it was almost as dumb as some of the stupid things ** I’ve **done because of a woman.

(great big sigh.) :frowning:

All kidding aside, we’ve all been there, and I feel for you.

11

If it makes you feel any better, Tuckerfan, pretty much everybody has done something incrediby dumb or crazy because of a past or present lover.

The Second Great Love of My Life dumps me unceremoniously with a phone call. In something of a state of shock, I merely mumble “Okay” and hang up when she’s finished compiling a long list of my inadequacies as a lover and a human being.

A few days later I get the lunatic idea that I only need to Assert Myself, and I will have this magnificent lady back in my life again.

I wait until after work, drive over to her house unannounced, storm through the door like an avenging angel or an Old Testament prophet, and proceed to make a huge and very loud scene about how she’d made a Commitment to me, the Commitment was Sacred and Unbreakable, and she was damn well still my girl friend.

Suddenly, whilst Asserting Myself at the top of my voice in front of an obviously very frightened woman, I had a vision of myself as the kind of pathetic jerk who gets arrested for lurking in the bushes outside a former girl friend’s house and fell dead silent. I stood there a few seconds trying desperately without any success to think of a dignified way of saying “I’m sorry”, and then slink quietly back out the front door with my tail between my legs.

I’m lucky she didn’t have me tossed in the slammer.

Try not to feel too bad. Love makes fools of us all.

12

Nice username, LonesomePolecat!! That’s my favorite song and scene from SBFSB.

13

Well, I got an e-mail from her today. Seems she was on a trip with her boyfriend. Seems he asked her to marry him. Seems she said yes.

One of the warnings that comes with Zyban is that mixing it with alcohol can be fatal. It will take (assuming the doc pulls me off Zyban tomorrow and puts me on something else) 14 days before my system is free from it. I intend to go on one hell of a bender at that point in time. By then the shock will no doubt have worn off and I’ll really be feeling the pain. Right now, it just feels like I’ve been gutted and drug behind a horse at full gallop for miles.

I keep remembering our first night together. I had just moved into this place not a week before. Didn’t even have any furniture in it as yet. She came over with me after we got off work, helped me move some of my things from the storage building to here. We smoked a couple of bowls of pot and had sex. Right before we started, I stopped for a moment, remembering that people who have sex on the first date rarely end up getting married. “There will be others.” I thought and I did the deed. Little did I know then how much I would grow to regret that decision.

Tomorrow, I will send her an e-mail wishing her well and congradulating her on her engagement. I will lie to her and tell her that I’m happy for her, all the while wishing that something would go wrong.

Tonight, however, I will mourn my loss and lick my wounds.

14

OG SMASH!

15

Oh, yeah, when I pulled this thread up to make the above post, it had been viewed 666 times. Somehow seems appropriate.

16

Ah Tucker, enjoy that bender mate! Wallow, wallow as you have never wallowed before! Plunge to the murky depths of self-pity and woe-is-me-dom, because tomorrow IS another day. And there will be an even more wonderful lady just waiting around the corner for you (when you finally come out of the alcohol induced fog or detox, depending on just HOW BAD the bender is), with promises of a delightful future together. You mark my words, I am ALWAYS RIGHT, and you will then look back and read this thread and say, “Shit, I done fucked up on the board THAT time”.:smiley:
I still feel sorry for ya though!
And I’m serious about enjoying the wallow…nothing better for the soul than a good dip in the misery-mire.
Take care.

17

Tuckerfan, been there as well. Please don’t punish yourself over this. She goddamn well knew she was going on a vacation, and that a marriage proposal was forthcoming. Her calling you was one of those mysterious chick things you must put yourself above. While I’m not sure she didn’t want to hurt you consciencely, any objective viewer of her side of the call would know that it would be the ultimate outcome, and she knew it. “Oh, I think I’ll call Tuckerfan, get his hopes up.” Kudos on wishing them well, he’s got a real prize there. From my far-away perspective, I don’t think you lost anything that great, kind of like losing a bad rash.