74and a half: Never chase hamsters with a mallet, they bite back. sucks wounded little finger
75 Never let anyone tell you what to do. No matter how much you want to sleep with them.
- Never forget that stopping the ball between your thighs still counts as a save.
Say hello to the past nine years of my life.
Enjoy,
Steven
Garius, after reading how willing you were to accept ianzin’s suggestion here of helping me carry various baked goods across London for the LonDope, is there something you’re trying to tell us? 
- Don’t pull the mask off the Lone Ranger.
- Don’t mess around with jjimm.
- After your seventh pint, do not test the maximum velocity of a shopping cart.
- Do not ask for extra Jalapenos.
- Always ask for extra Jalapenos.
- Ignore rule 81
- Ignore . . .
84. Never assume people are gonna work out the rules…
- Never sleep on wet hair.
- Never tell your mother that she talks too much.
My father-in-law (gimme four and a half) says:
86.Never forget to turn off the mower before clearing the clog out of the chute!
You NEVER run on a barge! (Thanks, Phoebe)
- Never try to shove butter up a porcupine’s backside with a red hot poker.
- Good trailer doesn’t mean good movie.
- In general, get drunk OR make decisions with long-term consequences.
- If you meant to buy Coke, check you haven’t accidentally picked up Vanilla Coke by mistake BEFORE you pay and leave the shop.
- Remember that this is not a dress rehearsal. This is IT.
- ALWAYS leave after you’ve had seven pints and the ugly old man two seats down from you insists on buying you a drink.
(Okay, it’s always instead of never, but I think I get a little leeway with this one! I DID leave!!! :-D)
(Leave WITHOUT taking the drink. Forgot that part!)
- Never pick your nose on a roller coaster.
- Never mow the lawn bare-footed.
- Never fart during a job interview.
- Never push buttons until you know what they do.