I don’t just mean vanilla sex, or unwilling to try certain things. I’m talking “lights out, only under the covers, nothing besides missionary, no oral sex (giving or receiving), and try not to look at me naked” kind of inhibited.
Being a guy, I’m asking specifically about women, though I’m sure there are men who behave in this way as well. In your collective experiences, is there any way to identify someone with this attitude before you get into bed with them, and how easily could they be broken of it?
Just sleep with her and find out. It’s hard to tell what someone’s going to be like in bed without, you know, actually being in bed with them. As for “breaking” them of their inhibitions, I think you just have to be patient and open with them. While I’ve always enjoyed sex I used to be somewhat shy about talking about what I liked with my partner (which you wouldn’t think from the way I am in general - I’m pretty well known among my friends for my filthy mouth). My current boyfriend has always been patient with me and has encouraged me to tell him what I enjoy.
I also used to not like being naked and exposed in the light around him, but he would constantly tell me how beautiful he thinks I am, and now I prance around the house scantily clad on a regular basis.
You know what always puts me at ease? The knowledge that any prospective partners are trying to make sure that I’ll put out easily in a short amount of time.
And trying to make sure I can easily be “broken” of any bad habits like a horse or a dog always gets me really wet. Like, soaking through the panties through to my extra thick Levi’s wet, man.
I would say embarrassment at sex scenes in movies that you are watching together. And I don’t mean porn… I’m talking about R rated movies.
Though while we are on the subject of porn, while I would not expect every woman to like porn, I would at least expect indifference to it. If a woman is majorly against it for whatever the reason (degrades women, negative stereotypes, unrealistic expectations on behalf of men, etc.) I would say that is a huge indicator. In my opinion, this woman will be hard pressed to enjoy sex or be at all adventurous because she doesn’t want to appear “like one of those women in a porno”.
I would definitely second the rape theory as well.
General depression is definitely going to lead to bad sex too and a feeling of the women not allowing herself to enjoy sex because she “doesn’t deserve to”. Note that I do not think that is the same as poor self esteem which could lead to bad sex or completely MIND BLOWINGLY AWESOME SEX.
You might want to be careful about this generalization. Watching other people and doing it yourself can be, and often are, two entirely different things. It’s also possible to see porn as an industry, as a problem, without connecting it with personal sexual behavior.
The only reliable indicator I can think of for someone who would suck in bed is that they are just generally joyless. And why would you want to hang out with a joyless person to begin with?
Just out of curiosity, exactly how many of these types have you encountered, that you’re looking for a method of weeding them out?
The use of the word in bold would, personally, make me drop you like a hot potato no matter how mind-blowing good the sex was.
You don’t “break” people. If you need to “break” people to enjoy their company there is something just as wrong with you as with the inhibited, sex-only-in-the-dark-don’t-look-at-my-naked-body-ew-I’m-not-doing-THAT crowd. And possibly more so.
If you’re not compatible move on - it’s not your place to “fix” people, much less “break” them.
I hate watching people even kiss in movies. It’s usually stupid, gross, and lame. Sex scenes in R rated movies just make me think about where the camera is positioned and if they’re wearing undies or not. If it’s one of those arty sex scenes with the swooping music and all I would prefer to leave the room. I can’t believe you would take my unwillingness to watch actors making faces while chastly humping to a soundtrack as an indicator of the way I am in bed. That’s really ridiculous.
I also think your idea that disliking porn is an indicator is absolute bullshit as well. I dislike most porn because it’s plastic and they make faces for the camera. I feel that it does lead to unrealistic expectations. That doesn’t mean I don’t like all porn and it doesn’t make me inhibited. C’mon, it’s other people being filmed during sex, my opinion on it has NOTHING to do about how I behave or how I feel about the actual act itself. (Edited to add: It’s like watching people eating. I find it a bit gross sometimes, especially if they’re doing it in an over-the-top fashion for the camera. However, I love cooking and have no problem eating exotic things.)
Bad self esteem/depression I am more inclined to agree with you about.
About rape, I was told in a different thread that rape victims respond differently, and it may not be an indicator at all.
How bout ‘cure’ then? Same idea. I guess the question at hand is: How do you keep from getting into a long term commitment (with strings and complications, and all that) with someone who’s incompatible.
But you know that, you just want to argue semantics, amIright?
The problem, as I see it, is that the first blush of infatuation drowns out a LOT of things that won’t reveal themselves until things settle into a rut.
I understand what the OP is trying to say, and it’s a valid question, if worded in such a way to cause knee-jerk reactions that really don’t answer it.
