Generally definitely not true at all for me or any of the women I know who suffer from depression.
I had an inkling my ex-wife was not going to set the bedroom on fire when she mentioned in passing that she admired medieval saints for their “bodily control.”
Some of us back in grad school theorized that the more clothes people tended to wear to bed (when alone, at least), the more inhibited they were there. The theory was that people who always wore clothes to bed wouldn’t be comfortable with them off. It sounded like a promising theory, but there’s always evidence to the contrary, and maybe scientific studies and the like are needed.
If you get funding for a study like that, PM me.
Maybe she admired how long they could hold it before going to the bathroom? hell you never know!
I don’t think there’s any specific clue. Even the seemingly obvious things (like sexual abuse) have random outcomes. I’ve had some women that didn’t want to even have ANY physical contact if anyone else could see us, but when that bedroom door closed behind us she was a demon in the sack. So there was no way for me to tell either way.
I suppose the best way to find out is to see for yourself, by easing the relationship into intimacy.
Yes, they will generally let you do more stuff.
If a girl will have sex wearing a nun’s habbit, I’m pretty sure she’s down with the funky shit.
What if she wears a hobbit?
It’s indignant and feministy to prefer that a guy not attempt to “break me” if I’m not up to snuff sexually? If non-feminism=putting up with that, just call me Catherine Dworkin Steinem.
I agree with Diogenes. The attitude is the same. And for the record, I’m not saying I don’t like sex. I’m saying the idea of having sex with someone who wants to break me of bad habits or suss out how I am so he doesn’t have to waste time on me if I’m too inhibited is just skeevy. The OP is coming off like the stereotype of the guy to avoid. Plus, since he’s posted about being a virgin and wanting to know how to get laid in the past, I’m a little skeptical about what woman would want to put up with his requirements.
Gee, Ted, isn’t that a prime example of Gaudere’s Law? (Not that your post was about correcting spelling.) Leaving off [/ before QUOTE was also a typo.
Unless you did it deliberately.
Count me as someone else who thinks the OP needs to rethink the “break” thing. I say that not as a feminist thing, but as a “wtf?” thing. It implies that you want to change your partner. If you are incompatible with someone, you move on to someone else. Trying to change someone, even if you think it is for “their own good”, is rarely going to work out.
There are wayyyyyyy too many fish in the sea to think about the nearly impossible job of changing someone who isn’t y-o-u.

Count me as someone else who thinks the OP needs to rethink the “break” thing. I say that not as a feminist thing, but as a “wtf?” thing. It implies that you want to change your partner. If you are incompatible with someone, you move on to someone else. Trying to change someone, even if you think it is for “their own good”, is rarely going to work out.
There are wayyyyyyy too many fish in the sea to think about the nearly impossible job of changing someone who isn’t y-o-u.
and yet, over at the other thread, it’s been thought that Women like men that are ‘projects’, fixer-uppers, something to mould… :smack:

and yet, over at the other thread, it’s been thought that Women like men that are ‘projects’, fixer-uppers, something to mould… :smack:
I’m not sure what the other thread is.
Okay, playing Devil’s Advocate…
Everyone trots out the cliche that that you can’t change people, if you’re incompatible you’re incompatible, you move on to someone else, etc. In general, this is sound advice-- it’s a cliche for a reason.
But I’ve rarely found it to be true when it comes to sex, for one obvious reason: people lie about sex.
People brag about things they’ve never done. People shy away from embarrassing conversations. People have no experience, or worse, bad experiences with other people that force them to prejudge how sex will be like with you.
If everyone determined sexual compatibility from the first time-- or the third time, or maybe the hundredth time-- you had sex, no one would ever have it again.
The OP question, however it’s worded, is a fair one. In fact, it’s one of the most important questions anyone can ask, because no one ever talks about it upfront in their eHarmony profile. You can quickly tell how attractive you find someone. Soon after that, you’ll learn whether they’re smart or funny or interesting. Over time, you’ll learn even more about them, about their ethics and integrity and their worldview. Eventually, you’ll learn about how they feel about sex.
Sometimes that’s a fast learning process. More often, it’s a slow one. But it is a process, and it requires (gasp!) communication.
If everyone were happy with missionary and the lights out, porn never would have been invented. Thankfully, most people aren’t happy with just that. Finding out what they’re happy with, however, takes time, comfort and honesty.
That prudish girl who after months of prodding finally has sex with you may discover that she loves it more than anything. In time, she may discover she’s a kinky crazy woman.
Or not.
Likewise, you can find a crazy sexual woman who does everything you could ever want except that one thing that you really like. What then? Do you compromise?
My general rule in all of my past sexual relationships was simple: I like trying everything at least once, and usually twice. Experimentation in a safe environment is a fun thing. If you’re both looking out for each other, there’s little that a good partner won’t do with you, or for you. If they don’t like a particular act, oh well, sometimes you take one for the team because hey, you’re in love and you want to make your partner happy (and, in a sense, it’s your responsibility to make them happy, as long as they see it the same way).
But if you only want it for yourself, if you’re selfish but not giving… good luck with that. You might get her to try something, but she’ll probably never learn to enjoy it with that attitude. And you will dump her or get dumped yourself, and you’ll never learn how she became a freakin’ dynamo for her next boyfriend simply because he knew that it was all about trust.
Count me as someone else who thinks the OP needs to rethink the “break” thing. I say that not as a feminist thing, but as a “wtf?” thing. It implies that you want to change your partner. If you are incompatible with someone, you move on to someone else. Trying to change someone, even if you think it is for “their own good”, is rarely going to work out.
and yet, over at the other thread, it’s been thought that Women like men that are ‘projects’, fixer-uppers, something to mould

I’m not sure what the other thread is.
Sometimes you know the sex is lousy, but he has other charming characteristics (in the early stages) and you hope you can ‘fix’ the sex. Women (again, generally speaking) are great at seeing fixer upper opportunities in men.
But I guess it’s OK if you “fix him” of his lousy sex skills and not OK if you “break her” of her bad sex habits.

My general rule in all of my past sexual relationships was simple: I like trying everything at least once, and usually twice. Experimentation in a safe environment is a fun thing. If you’re both looking out for each other, there’s little that a good partner won’t do with you, or for you. If they don’t like a particular act, oh well, sometimes you take one for the team because hey, you’re in love and you want to make your partner happy (and, in a sense, it’s your responsibility to make them happy, as long as they see it the same way).
Actually, what I meant to write was:
If they don’t like a particular act, oh well, sometimes they take one for the team because hey, you’re in love and they want to make their partner happy (and, in a sense, it’s their responsibility to make you happy, as long as you realize that it’s your responsibility to make them happy).
Basically, the Dan Savage “GGG” rule at work.

This
But I guess it’s OK if you “fix him” of his lousy sex skills and not OK if you “break her” of her bad sex habits.
O yes, because Dangerosa says that in a thread that a lot of us haven’t even read it means that we all feel that way. Great pickup. You’re the star of the class.
Keee-rist

Actually, what I meant to write was:
If they don’t like a particular act, oh well, sometimes they take one for the team because hey, you’re in love and they want to make their partner happy (and, in a sense, it’s their responsibility to make you happy, as long as you realize that it’s your responsibility to make them happy).
Basically, the Dan Savage “GGG” rule at work.
I think this attitude is different than the attitude in the OP. There’s a difference between working on sex together with a long term partner and coming in to a thread on a message board where you’ve repeatedly posted about having no real sexual experience, but how you’d like to know how to break potential dates of bad sexual habits. It just smacks of entitlement.
ETA: I also meant to put Polerius’s post in to show that I don’t think the difference is about gender.
“Love is finding a big old mess and spending the rest of your life trying to clean it up.”
I don’t know who said that, but they’re stupid. That’s not love. That’s life. Both men and women are guilty of the fixer-upper thing, and it’s not necessarily a bad philosophy. There are some people that need outside input, particularly from a lover, to fix certain things that they really ought to but won’t on their own.
It might be something like getting motivated to go on a diet, or go back to school, or something. It might be something like learning how to please a woman/man/pumpkin.
The difference is basically whether you need that issue fixed, or whether you just think it would be nice.

O yes, because Dangerosa says that in a thread that a lot of us haven’t even read
Precisely because you weren’t aware of the thread (since you asked “I’m not sure what the other thread is”) I provided a link. I was trying to be helpful.
it means that we all feel that way. Great pickup. You’re the star of the class.
Great strawman you built there.
I didn’t say all women fell that way. The fact is that Dangerosa made the comment she made and no one came in to castigate her (or castigate the notion of fixer upper men), but the OP in this thread talked about a similar thing, from the opposite side, and many people castigated him.

I’m saying the idea of having sex with someone who wants to break me of bad habits or suss out how I am so he doesn’t have to waste time on me if I’m too inhibited is just skeevy. The OP is coming off like the stereotype of the guy to avoid.
So, you’re trying to suss out how he is so you don’t have to waste time on him
Seriously though, don’t we all try to suss out what type of person we are dealing with so we don’t waste time on them?

Great strawman you built there.
I didn’t say all women fell that way. The fact is that Dangerosa made the comment she made and no one came in to castigate her (or castigate the notion of fixer upper men), but the OP in this thread talked about a similar thing, from the opposite side, and many people castigated him.
Oh bullshit with the strawman accusations. You threw out this:

This
But I guess it’s OK if you “fix him” of his lousy sex skills and not OK if you “break her” of her bad sex habits.
…and you want to pretend that you weren’t implying that because we all didn’t rush into a thread that some of us didn’t know about that we think it’s “ok” to “fix him” but not okay to “break her”.
Don’t hide behind one of the Dope’s favorite things on earth (strawmen!) and look at what you said.