Got this from my Mom:
Extracting wax from your ears = rootin’ for potatoes.
(Must be a Southern thing.)
Not just the South. When I was a kid in Pennsylvania, my dad would ask, “What are you doing, growing potatoes in there?”
Fid, Fud, Fiddly-fud, Nanny-poot, Rip gut and Tear-Ass.
Alternates include Ghrazzers*, Rippers and Squeakers.
*Usually involves some Spatter
My brother told me a version of this probably 60 years ago. His was “the fizz, the fuzz, the fizzy-fuzz, rip-shit, tear-ass, and the ones that go ‘pooh’.”
I always ask my dog, ‘You need to go squirt?’
Wasn’t long before I was saying it myself, ‘Gotta squirt.’
Depending on my mood I sometimes announce to Mrs. Cretin “Darling, we’re going to have a fece!”
When I was growing up, I and my siblings understood that baff meant fart. I have no idea where we got this from, and have not heard anyone else use it. Anyone here heard it before?
Oh…I forgot the bodily emissions in my post. That was all background info. To figure out the man’s mind.
Like I say he was a character.
One day he took the Li’l wrekker to his chicken coop to pick up eggs. She had her new kitty cat rubber boots on.
She really liked new shoes.
They come up to the deck and she sits. She was disturbed her new boots were messy. She ran crying to Diddy and asked what’s this junk on my boots. He sat down and put her on his knee and started to say chicken shit, I shook my head. He said Chicken Doo-doo, I shook my head. He said, Chicken crap and I shook my head. He was gonna say Chicken poop, I shook my head.
Now by this time, other than shit, I was ok with the others. I was just messing with him. He knew it.
He takes her hand and goes to the water hose to rinse the boots off.
They were walking back to the deck. She said what was that stuff really?
He told her it was ‘excrement’ from the ‘asshole’ of every living animal.
After that if she needed to do number 2, she hollered as loud as she could, no matter where: “I have ex-CRE-ment coming out of my asshole!!”
It took a whole year to unteach that.
OMG, what a chore! 
Very funny. Reminds me of my brother’s four-year-old sitting and watching Ed Sullivan many decades ago. They had some sort of acrobat doing his thing and the boy kept shouting “JESUS CHRIST!!!” Everyone kept stifling their laughter while my brother hung his head in embarrassment.
Drop the Chalupa
Wee-wee. On my wedding night as I was getting undressed, my naive bride said, “Oh, a wee-wee”. I told her it was call a penis. She said, “I’ve seen plenty of penises and that one is a wee-wee”.
Let’s not overlook The Dreaded ‘Double-Flusher’
Many times, a co-worker will be away from his desk and in the bathroom. A customer will come in and ask for him, and I’ll say completely straight faced and seriously “He’s in the other office doing paperwork.”
A short time passes, and we hear the muffled sounds of the toilet flushing and the motorized towel dispenser, and my co-worker returns to his post, and the customer realizes what’s happened 
I once worked with an employee who would announce his bathroom trips by saying, “I gotta go play Battleship.”
When I was a little kid we called it going ca-ca. My sister has a daughter and when she was real little she couldn’t pronounce the word grandma so she called my mother ca-ca. Imagine the laughs between my siblings and I. Ma wasn’t real fond of it.
My cousin would say he needed to go to the cabbage patch. My other cousin would say she had to go do her job.
I taught this expression to my ex early in our relationship. She loved it so much she used it… every time it was needed.
I scream “Release the Krakens!” I even do it if I’m by myself.
All farts are attributed to “barking spiders”.
Vomiting = Technicolor yawn
Vomiting = Singing lunch