We quote, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” all the time.
Squidward: Drrrrrgh! All right, what’s going on out here? I can’t even hear myself think!
Patrick: Oh! Ooh! Can you smell yourself think?
Squidward: No. As I was saying, you two…
Patrick: Or see?
Squidward: No!
Patrick: Aah! How, how about taste? Can you taste yourself think?
Mr. Krabs gets all the best lines. “You had to kill him. He cried you a sweater of tears…and you killed him.”
Yes! And then the best part: “Ah well, at least it’s underwire.”
For some reason, Squidward’s “We come for your pickle” line has become a family favorite…
Chum Is Fum
Spongebob:Patrick, just how dumb are you?
Patrick: It depends.
I’ve never seen more than a few minutes of SBSP but I remember hearing someone yell, “WHERE HAVE OUR BALLS GOOOOOOONE!?” as I was flipping channels.
I use this all the time. Its from the Halloween special DVD where Mr Krabs is telling Spongebob a ghost story in the lobby of the Krusty Krab after closing time, using various fast food condiments for props.
He was telling Spongebob about getting his soul stolen and waving a couple pickle chips back and forth and Spongebob interrupts and asks him “Are souls really shaped like pickles?” and Mr Krabs says “Aye, as a matter of fact they are!”.
Later in the story Squidward pops up from behind a barrel and says “I’ve come for your pickle!” and Spongebob leaps out of his seat in terror. That’s a really good one! And so is the payback Spongebob gets later in the episode.
Yes! Can’t believe I forgot it.
I can watch that episode (“Chocolate With Nuts”) over and over again. It was the old woman’s daughter that was saying CHOCOLATE. The exchange went like this:
Mary (to her mother, in strong Brooklyn-type accent): They’re selling chocolate!
Mary’s mother (basically just a dried-up backbone and skull with skin): What? What did you say?
Mary: They’re selling CHOCOLATE!
Mary’s mother: I can’t hear you.
Mary: THEY’RE SELLING CHOCOLATE!!!
Mary’s mother: I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. I ALWAYS HATED IT
I like to say “What?? What did he say?” in that raspy voice.
Patrick is my favorite,damned if I can think of any quotes tho.
Patrick: Who you callin’ Pinhead? (… with his face all scrunched up into, well, a pinhead.)
Plankton: You can’t do this to me! I went to college!
“The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.” (cut to footage of a carton of milk being pushed over and spilling onto a table.)
Another favorite: Krabs: Spongebob, that hat makes ya look like a girl.
Spongebob: (With big doe eyes) am I a pretty girl?
This is the first scene I ever saw: “Spongebob, if we’re underwater, how do we have a fire?” [fire goes out]
When I’m getting the kids ready for school, I’ll often quote Spongebob the morning after he forgot how to tie his shoes:
“I’m read- [trip] . . . I’m read-[trip] . . . I’m re-[trip], etc.”
“Yellow!” “PINK!”
“Hi, SpongeBoob. Heehee! I said ‘SpongeBoob’!”
A lovestruck Patrick to King Neptune’s daughter: “You’re hawt!”
“What? I always come in at 4am to count all the sesame seeds.”
It always kills me when Gary the snail rolls his little eyes at SpongeBob’s latest idiocy.
When someone in our family just isn’t getting what we’re saying, we’ll repeat slowly and patiently, “The lid… the LID… no, the LID!”
For some reason, Mrs* Puff’s exasperated exclamation “Why, Spongebob, Why?” (after he causes yet more devastion and destruction to Bikini Bottom during his driving lessons), is suitable for many occasions…
*IIRC, Mr Puff was stuffed and made into a lamp - wnich is why Mrs Puff “doesn’t like to talk about it”.
From the movie:
Dennis, the biker hitman: “Don’t worry. This’ll only hurt a lot!”
Squidward: “Chum Bucket? Free? Kabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With?”
Plankton: “It’s evil. It’s diabolical. It’s lemon-scented. This Plan Z can’t possibly fail!”
SpongeBob, explaining to Patrick: “The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of its features: Sesame seed finish; steel-belted pickles; grilled leather interior; and under the hood, a fuel-injected French fryer with dual overhead grease traps.”
Old lady in the crowd: “Knucklehead McSpazatron!”
Patrick, after crashing: “Did you see my butt?”
Plankton, being arrested: “Come on, can’t you take a joke? Wasn’t that funny? With the monuments and the buildings? Wasn’t that hilarious…? *I will destroy all of you!” *
Not so much a quote, but in “One Krab’s Trash” Spongebob and Patrick are at a cemetery, and we see Squidward crying over a headstone. The “camera” moves over to the stone, revealing the inscription “Squidward’s hopes and dreams”
The police get a lot of good lines in SpongeBob:
Cop: “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time!”
-a half-second passes
Cop: “OK, time’s up!”
Cop 1: “Die Zombie!”
Cop 2: “Nice police work, Officer Nancy.”
Cop 1: “Well, buckle up and we’ll drive real smooth-like.”
-Punches the gas pedal.
Cop 1: “Don’t worry, SpongeBob. He won’t be able to strangle you.”
Cop 2: “Yeah, we got him chained up real good. He’ll never get away.”
Cop 1: “Oops, not again…”
Cop 2: “Yep, he got away.”
Cop 1: “We’re gonna straighten you out!”
-whacking something with her police baton.
Cop 2: “This’ll fix ya!”
-Also hitting something with his baton.
Cut to bent parking meter being straightened.
Plankton: Coin-operated self- destruct. Not one of my better ideas.
My favorite insult:
Squidward: If I had a dime for every brain you don’t have, I’d have one dime.