What Annie X-mas said. If you react in a fight or conflict by trying to “win” by hurting, intimidating me or discounting my feelings. Even redder flag if you fight dirty and use psycho-babble as weapon.
And dirt & clutter. I crave cleanliness and orderliness in my home, but even on my own, I can barely live up to my own standards. If you clutter more then you clean, so living with you will mean living in dirt, clutter, chaos and smells, you’re out.
Must be animal lover and willing to have lots of pets.
Must love me like I am, not look for me to be girly, even sometimes.
Must not want kids, ever.
Good thing I found him already. 
On a similar note: Deliberately doing things to piss me off, on the theory that if I really loved her I would get pissed off by those things. Granted, I was introduced to this by a young lady who suffered a severe combination of bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, and her efforts were so laughably transparent that it was actually impossible to really get mad at her (and besides, I’m naturally very even-tempered and difficult to anger). Which just made her angrier and motivated to try harder.
Sorry, girl. I don’t demonstrate my love by going upside your head.
hmmmm…
Had a boyfriend who had some medical issues. Ones that affected the sex life and also are pretty serious. I mentioned once, got a “yes I will go see a doctor”. Six months later…same thing…a year later, I finally realized that someone who will not take care of his own health is not someone who will be a good partner or father figure for my son. (plus I wanted sex, is that so bad?)(He was a really nice, smart funny person.
Check for anything around the house that says “the more I learn about men, the more I like my cats.”
Run.
I say this as a gay man with lots of straight women friends. I got nothing to lose here. I’m just looking out for my straight brothers.
I’m 41, never married, slightly pear-shaped, collect things, live near the 'rents and have a questionable work ethic. Any time a woman who doesn’t make me want to run screaming from the room shows signs of being attracted to me, I can only assume she’s got even bigger issues than I have.
I didnt get to add to my post… the guy with health issues was a great guy (hey I hung in there for a year!) but hey its Canada, it doesnt cost you out of pocket to go to the doctor, your health is important…blah blah blah.
Non readers need not apply, and if anyone was proud of it, the date would be over that instant.
I’ve found that this is true for all relationships, not just intimate ones. I had a friend (I’m hetero, so not that kind of friend, but the normal kind) who would routinely complain about how out of shape he was, how bad his teeth were (afraid of dentists), how he needed to do this, do that, get a better job, etc. After about two years of making suggestions and offering help, only to have NOTHING CHANGE, I finally cut the loser loose from my life. Especially after he spoke about how his favorite breakfast was the roller food from the local convenience store (shudder). I asked how far it was (1/2 mile) and suggested he WALK there in order to get in better shape. Damn but you never heard such a whining excuse fest in your life. He couldn’t walk that far, he’d be out of breath, blah, blah, blah.
Look fool, if you can’t walk a half a fucking mile because it’d kill you to do it, but you want to consistently waste MY TIME whining about how out of shape you are, then there comes a point where I don’t want to know you anymore.
If I met a woman who acted like that, it’d be a complete and immediate deal breaker.
I guess my number one red flag would be, as others have mentioned, the petty and deliberately hurtful. If you want a relationship, but you resort to nuclear warfare in a conflict with that person, then you got serious problems that you should work out before you inflict yourself on others.
Because that ain’t Love.
Not sure what the penalties are where you live, but here in Oregon possession of less than an ounce of marijuana is only punishable by a fine and no jail time. It seems kind of ridiculous to fear the cops will kick down your door over a dime bag of herb.
Let’s say a hypothetical suitor stores small quantities of pot in his car, never brings it into your house, and always smokes outside. Would that still be a deal breaker?
Cargo van. Cardboard taped over the windows. Large bag of candy. Duct tape.
Lack of common courtesy raises large red banners in my mind. People will never treat you better than when they first meet you, if only because they may want something from you. If they don’t start with reasonable behavior toward me, I don’t expect it to get better.
Also, I don’t like to see a lack of common sense and as they say, there’s nothing common about it. I look at the choices they make and if those choices don’t make some kind of sense, I’m gone.
And there shouldn’t be any fighting/shouting/name-calling etc. If we can’t have a reasonable, calm, logical discussion when things go wrong, forget it.
I’m confused. Are those things the person must have for you to date them? Or are those things they can never have? And why would duct tape be a deal breaker, either way?
Red flags=things that make you think two or three times before proceeding, right?
Silence is golden…duct tape is silver.
Dayum, I wish I had invented that!
A pulse. Oh, wait, wrong thread 
Smoking, drinking to get drunk regularly, and drugs are all right out. For drugs, pot is okay, but I don’t want to be in a situation where I’m at risk of legal troubles because of her drugs. Drinking to get drunk is…well, drunk people are annoying. They don’t think clearly.
Jealousy, clingyness, love of drama, and untrustworthy are all dealbreakers in a sense. Not that I’ll particularly care, but I’ll temper my trust in them/how far I’ll go based on those traits.
I once had a dinner date with a guy who hit my red flag daily double: getting bent out of shape about little things and acting belligerent or abusive towards service people.
His cheeseburger arrived with a tomato on it when he’d requested no tomatoes. Big deal. Remove the tomato or send it back. Not enough for this guy. He went off on the waitress and continued to berate her even after she’d apologized and offered to take it off the bill. Then he proceeded to sulk, brood, and pout about it for the rest of the evening–which was very short since I could not end that date fast enough.
Abusiveness, including contempt or mockery.
Smoking cigarettes or using hard drugs or using intoxicants of any kind frequently.
Hung up on heavy gender roles.
Overly possessive in a jealous or clingy way.
Disinterest in working out mental health and/or relationship issues.
No sense of humor or not sufficiently sparkly.
Mmmmmmmm … taquitos! Yummy! 
fisha was listing the stereotypical tools of a child molester.
First thing that popped in my head was bigotry. When I meet people who make blanket statements about groups of people based upon whatever criteria they may choose (religion, race, nationality, age) I immediately keep them at arm’s length. Eons ago, I went out with a guy who absolutely hated older people (he called them raisins) - it just creeped me out. Bigots of any kind bring up all kinds of red flags.
Substance abusers - whether drug or alcohol. If you feel like you need to get high or buzzed or whatever phrase of choice you use, I don’t want to be around you. Drunks aren’t funny or entertaining to me - they’re just pathetic. And because of my job and security clearance, I want absolutely nothing to do with any kind of drug user.
Clingy, needy types <shudder> If a man declares he can’t live his life without me, I’d have to bolt for the door. I don’t want that responsibility. If you can’t function as an independent adult, I’m not interested.
Someone who is so obsessed with one thing to the exclusion of all others is just boring to me. For example, I’m not a football fan, but I’ve been known to sorta watch a game with my husband, so I don’t completely hate the sport. But a season ticket holder/wears the team colors exclusively/drinks their official drink/drives their official car/wants to name his firstborn after the 1982 starting quarterback… well, you get the picture. Sure, be a fan, but have some other interests, like art or music or landscaping or cooking (other than tailgating) - I think the phrase is “well-rounded.”
Thinking about stuff like this makes me glad I’m in a nice, comfy, long-lasting marriage. I’m too old to play these games again.
Red Flags:
Someone who instantly wants to spend all their time with me.
Someone who, when I say, ‘No’, continues to try to convince me.
Someone who tells me the price of their stereo, home, car, etc.
Moodiness, or overly dramatic histrionics reek of immaturity, no thanks.
Someone who cannot manage their time or money.
Run, run far, run fast…
Hmm, it depends. How brilliant and sexy is this guy we’re talking about here? If he was really amazing in a number of other ways, I might be able to overlook this. The problem isn’t that I have a moral issue with pot smoking, the problem is that I am terrified of breaking the law and being punished. So I would probably have to find out the laws in my area.
I live in an area that has an annual Hash Bash where masses of people get together for the sole purpose of publicly smoking weed. In my college dorm/department, which is notoriously left-leaning, easily a third of the population smoked weed. I’ve had a contact high more than once from room-mates and parties, however I have never done it myself and I don’t really intend to start. For most people I know who smoke it, it’s kind of a like a hobby, a mandatory part of every social experience, like drinking can be. That does not appeal to me in any way. There is nothing more off-putting than being the only sober person in a room full of potheads.
So if I dated a guy who smoked pot – even if very occasionally – what are the odds he’s got friends who do it more often, at least one friend who does it all the freaking time? And what are the odds that one guy is going to want to hang out around my house?
I’m not saying I would never get used to it or make any exceptions, but this potential mate would have to be pretty fucking impressive for me to overlook something like that. I had a father who spent a lot of time high when he should have been being a parent to me. I used to hide his weed from him. I think I’ve come a long way toward acceptance since I was that uptight belligerent little kid, but the odds of hooking up with a pot-smoker given all these issues (fear of punishment, discomfort around inebriated/high people, etc) is pretty minimal.
I’m trying to think it through – if my husband smoked weed, would that be a deal-breaker? The problem is, if my husband smoked weed, he wouldn’t be the same person, so it’s a tough question to answer.