Obsessive dream tellers, guess what? I don’t care if you fell off of a cliff or you were flying by flapping your arms, everybody on the freaking planet has those kind of dreams.
This has been a red flag more than once for me.
Talking about your mundane day at work every single day even if it was exactly the same as the day before. ( my ex wife was guilty of this )
I’ll probably be back with more, oh yes.
Obsessive dream tellers, guess what? I don’t care if you fell off of a cliff or you were flying by flapping your arms, everybody on the freaking planet has those kind of dreams.
This has been a red flag more than once for me.
Talking about your mundane day at work every single day even if it was exactly the same as the day before. ( my ex wife was guilty of this )
I’ll probably be back with more, oh yes.
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug]
I’m 41, never married, slightly pear-shaped, collect things, live near the 'rents and have a questionable work ethic. Any time a woman who doesn’t make me want to run screaming from the room shows signs of being attracted to me, I can only assume she’s got even bigger issues than I have.
[/QUOTE]
I, personally, would never date a woman who would be attracted to a guy like me.
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas]
If you want to learn more, here is a link to her website. She wrote a book about her experience with this guy. It’s quite a read, I can tell you.
[/QUOTE]
Thank you…I will check it out tonight.
[QUOTE=tdn]
I think you are very confused. Having confidence equals being a jerk? No. Having confidence is having a good relationship to yourself and your place in the world. Being a jerk is being abusive. Not the same thing at all.
[/QUOTE]
I can’t find my OP, but I think my point was there’s often a hypocrisy there. I had a good female friend who was very proud of the fact her husband was an edgy former Navy Seal who could kill you or have you killed. As long as he didn’t abuse her, it was okay she was married to a “jerk.” She loved talking about all the things she “can’t really talk about.”
[QUOTE=Chimera]
I have the opposite problem: People getting pissed at me for walking ahead. Get over it. I find it almost physically painful to attempt to walk 1/10th of a mile per hour through a packed crowd. I hate it with a passion. It sets off my low-level claustrophobia.
[/QUOTE]
I was going to post something similar. I don’t haul ass by any means, but walking at a leisurely pace, I frequently turn around to see that I’ve left my wife and/or friends far behind. When I try to walk that slowly I feel like I’m going to topple over, so either I have to do a “fake slow-motion run,” or pause for a moment after every second or third step, either of which makes me look like I’m insane. Sorry, honey, I can’t help it; I was evidently blessed with the superhuman ability to walk normally, left-foot-right-foot, without periodically grinding to a halt.
Don’t hate me for my gift. I’ll promise I’ll be at our destination, waiting for you.
(Probably a bit late to consider that a “red flag,” actually, unless we’re allowed to discuss “red flags” we endure anyway because we’re married to the flag-waver.)
[QUOTE=levdrakon]
I can’t find my OP, but I think my point was there’s often a hypocrisy there. I had a good female friend who was very proud of the fact her husband was an edgy former Navy Seal who could kill you or have you killed. As long as he didn’t abuse her, it was okay she was married to a “jerk.” She loved talking about all the things she “can’t really talk about.”
[/QUOTE]
Ah, OK. It might seem like a hypocrasy, but it really isn’t. I think what women are really looking for (except for the women who are reading this thread and are therefore independant-thinking individuals) is strength. Not just physical strength, but emotional strength. The opposite of strength is neediness and desperation. Confidence shows strength. So does jerkiness. Does it make more sense in that light?
[QUOTE=don’t ask]
I am a heterosexual but i find that all my relationships turn out badly if my partner is a woman, but what choice do I have.
[/QUOTE]
Women eh?
You cant live WITH them and you cant kill’em.
Something I pickup on very quickly with any aquaintance is when they run down people,organisations,companys etc. a little TOO often and a little TOO regulary.
We all have a good moan on occassion about people or things but when it seems to be an every day event you can guarentee that as soon as they’ve finished running down Bill Bloggs to you they’re running you down to Fred Smith and so on.
The other thing that shows up on my radar is when people make cruel or spiteful remarks about people they dont even know and who hasn’t harmed them purely because their tastes differ from their own.
I remember once I was in a city center along with some young male wannabe "ruffy tuffies"that I was working with on a construction site when we saw a lovely old lady wearing what was admitedly a rather eccentric bright pink floor length dress that she’d obviously spent a lot of time embroidering herself and which she wore quite unselfconsciously and they started catcalling and mocking her.
Luckily she she must have been a bit deaf and didn’t appear to hear them and Ishut them up very quickly with the threat of direct action,she gave us all a lovely smile as we went past,obviously thinking that we had been admiring her dress of which she was very proud…
It wasn’t to my personal taste but it made the world a more interesting place in a small way and also a little brighter.
It seems to be an unfortunate fact of life that many people nowadays seek to improve their own self esteem by belittling others(usually those who are weaker then themselves)rather then making any attempt to improve themselves presumably for fear of failure,if you dont try then you cant fail.
[QUOTE=Lust4Life]
It seems to be an unfortunate fact of life that many people nowadays seek to improve their own self esteem by belittling others(usually those who are weaker then themselves)rather then making any attempt to improve themselves presumably for fear of failure,if you dont try then you cant fail.
[/QUOTE]
Once again, this is hardly a new phenomenon. People have always done this. “Og discover fire. Og big stinky mammoth.” And once again, people that are truly confident don’t feel the need to be jerks. When guys do what you described, you can tell a lot about who they are.
[QUOTE=Lust4Life]
I remember once I was in a city center along with some young male wannabe "ruffy tuffies"that I was working with on a construction site
[/QUOTE]
Not to hijack, but I have to say that as a synonym for (I assume) thugs or bullies, the term “ruffy tuffies” makes them sound about as intimidating as a biker gang of teddy bears.
Financially Inept. You don’t have to be on the track to being the next Warren Buffet, but you do have to be on the track to paying your bills on time and not running up the credit cards. Any serious relationship is going to involve long term joint finances, and I’m not going to play the bad cop.
Can’t dance. I love to dance, and I spend a significant amount of time dancing socially. She doesn’t have to be a great dancer, but she has to want to go have some fun with it.
The next two apply to friendships as well as relationships.
Unable to fix what’s wrong. We all get upset about things, and sometimes we all need a shoulder to cry on, a good listener, or a cathartic bitch session. But anyone who’s continually unhappy about things and either ignores or argues with any suggestions to actually improve things is not someone I want to be around.
Chronically late or unable to make plans. It’s becoming more and more difficult to actually make plans that will stick. Yeah, cell phones are great, but they shouldn’t be an excuse to just leave everything to the last minute. I think that people are often holding out, to see what better might come along, and I hate it.
[QUOTE=iamthewalrus(:3=]
Chronically late or unable to make plans. It’s becoming more and more difficult to actually make plans that will stick. Yeah, cell phones are great, but they shouldn’t be an excuse to just leave everything to the last minute. I think that people are often holding out, to see what better might come along, and I hate it.
[/QUOTE]
Very well put, I should have added this as well. If someone suggests, “just call me on so and so date and we’ll figure it out,” I won’t bother with them. Same goes for cancelling plans outside of the Ann Landers defined acceptable reasons: illness, weather, or a death in the family.
[QUOTE=threemae]
Very well put, I should have added this as well. If someone suggests, “just call me on so and so date and we’ll figure it out,” I won’t bother with them. Same goes for cancelling plans outside of the Ann Landers defined acceptable reasons: illness, weather, or a death in the family.
[/QUOTE]
Boy, this is a real red flag for me. You can’t be bothered to reply to my IM? or e-mail?
I gave you my phone number, if you don’t call? oh well.
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip]
Not to hijack, but I have to say that as a synonym for (I assume) thugs or bullies, the term “ruffy tuffies” makes them sound about as intimidating as a biker gang of teddy bears.
[/QUOTE]
The term itself is a services term used to describe in a sarcastic way those Walter Mittys who desperatly want to be tough,hard and brave and try to act the part,usually by acting as bullies but who never ever join the armed services,take up boxing,do a bungee jump or skydive or in fact go anywhere near doing anything scary or dangerous but if you need a gang of cowards to mug and rob an old age pensioner then they’re your man.
And they actually BRAG about it afterwards,on this I swear.
Unfortunately in England we seem to be getting these sort of characters in epidemic proportions amongst our “Young People”