I’m aware.
Re the judge:
My knowledge of this is solely academic (and I’m sure others have more direct experience), but isn’t it fairly common/not at all unusual for judges to be particularly reluctant to deny parental rights to mothers?
Just trying to find some method in that madness.
Good luck Mitze! You’re doing so much better with this than I would. I would never be able to get past “Your Honor, WTF?”
That’s what I understand to be true. It seems to me that mothers can get away with most everything, and unless they commit a very heinous crime against the child, will probably keep their rights (if not full custody which usually goes to the Mom by default).
And I do think that the prevailing pro-mommy attitude is influencing the judge in our case. I have seen and heard of Dads losing their joint-custody rights and/or visitations over so much less than what bio-mom has done. It is very frustrating to keep hearing the judge say, “well let’s try…then re-evaluate the parenting plan” or “[Bio-Mom] obviously needs to work on her parenting skills, let’s try this [newest court-ordered parenting class] and once that is completed a few extra hours to practice in.” Which is essentially how the last court date to terminate her visitation went…this one has to be better though…has to be!
:eek:, just :eek:
I’ve been keeping up with this thread and admiring you for your level headed good sense. I hadn’t realized how much practice you’ve obviously had acquiring, honing and maintaining it. Jaysus!
This angers me.
This angers me too. I am sort of living through a similar thing, as my boyfriend has been fighting an ongoing battle against his kids’ mom in court, and no matter what crazy shit she pulls, the judge doesn’t seem to care, and is still denying any meaningful recourse to the father. It is so frustrating, and obviously biased against fathers.
I know it’s not “very heinous” but does the judge know that bio-mom is giving her daughter prescription muscle relaxants?
No, but then technically we don’t either. Daughter claims the pills were stolen from bio-mom’s house but not that she was given them. And bio-mom well…as you read she is admitting nothing.
The next step in that conversation was an email which we sent under the pretense that they were from her and just offering them back to her. “…if these are yours, I want to apologize for [daughter] stealing them; you can pick them up from our house if you need them back. We should be home all night, but just call before you come to make sure and so we can have them ready for you.”
I was hoping to get back an email saying they were hers or that she gave them to daughter as a gift or something that I could use to make the connection between mom and illicit (for daughter) drugs. But, alas, just more crazy:
“Why do you give a s**t what meds I am taking? It’s none of your business and I am not giving you my medical records so give it up. Get a life of your own and leave me and [daughter] out of it. You know she hates you for spying on me and I hate you too. Go away.” (side note: Bio-mom has accused me for years of hacking into her computers, tapping her phones, and stalking her in person…I can only assume that is what she means by ‘spying on me’.)
It is something though that we put in our emergency motion, so something that will be included the next time we get in front of the judge (if that day ever comes…). In addition to everything else though, I am not sure it will be given any weight at all. 
Being one of those “problem solver” type people, I came up with a bunch of different things you could reply to her with, but, well, I think they’ll all end pretty much the same. She’s got some mental issues and there’s not much you can do to deal with it. (I say this from experience, when my wife was having some mental issues it was like her brain was just wired wrong for a few years…not as bad as bio-mom, not even close, but the same idea. I could have told her that 2+2=4 but if she decided that it was 5 there was just no changing her mind and any attempt to do so just resulted in a big argument)
The most you can do is just print it out and keep handing it to your lawyer/judge to file away.
Yup, that’s what we do. Any sensible response like maybe, duh, daughter is our business…will just be met with more crazy. We’ve been at it for years now (12 at least for me) and it is just like beating our heads against a wall only less fun.
I am personally responsible for keeping the computer paper and ink companies in business though, with all the printouts I make (copy for lawyer, copy for her lawyer, copy for judge…letter to her, copy to lawyer, copy to her lawyer, copy to judge…letter to lawyer, letter to judge, copy for her, copy for her lawyer…). 
And I have a (locked) filing cabinet with all of it organized in a nice chronological story. When daughter is grown and son is out of college I might hand them the key so they can see exactly how crazy she is. [Okay, I wouldn’t actually do that, I don’t think, but it is something I have thought about.]
I would certainly be on your side were you to actually do that. The situation you’ve been put in is unfair.
Oh, but showing them all those documents might cast her in a negative light? Fuck her. I don’t even know her but your story rings true to me for some reason and I hate her for it. I hate people like her very passionately.
THIS guy sure does, but it sounds like Mitze’s first husband didn’t. I have a friend who was in his twenties when he saw his wife, who was sixteen at the time, and said “I’m going to marry her.” He got her phone number. Saw her as a friend (though she was aware of the romantic interest) until everything was “legal” and then started dating her. They are very happy and have been married twenty years.
I dated a twenty something year old guy starting when I was sixteen off and on - and like my friend, he didn’t push the physical. I ended up dumping him because I felt he was ready for a serious relationship that probably would have ended in marriage (he married his next girlfriend less than two years later), and I wanted to date a lot of guys for a few years. Really nice guy though, and I think that had I not dumped him we’d very likely be happily married.
But one big hint with my friend and my relationship - the older person wasn’t pushing for any quick and eternal relationship - they were patiently biding their time until the younger person caught up emotionally enough to be able to make those choices.
And that is part of the issue at 13 or 16. There are stories about girls meeting their “soulmate” at that age and spending their lives together happily. And its SO romantic and at 13 you are in such a rush to be a grownup.
Later than that, but at some time you should.
I always remember the part in Maus where Art Speilgman’s dad has burned his mother’s diaries, so he never gets her story.
My son went through something similar Dangerosa - when he was 19, he met a girl who was just a little over 3 years younger than he was. He waited to date her until she was over 18. They happened to fizzle out later but I was always proud of him for the waiting.
Like any other conversation worth having, there’s an xkcd for that …
Posted in the wrong thread. I blame Firefox. Damn tabbed browsing…
That’s cute. 
I love xkcd. I would show it to my daughter if I thought she’d understand it…
Bad news today. I found out (through daughter’s friend’s mother) that daughter has been having sex with some 18 year old in addition to the mess that started this thread. She admitted to it (once she knew that we knew) and the boy’s of-age girlfriend reported it to the police in that town (friend lives about 45 minutes away) and was apparently a witness to it at least once. (Yeah, I raise classy kids who have sex in the open apparently! :rolleyes:)
So now what, y’all? After some grilling, some crying, some begging and pleading we got the full story (I think) and it turns out she met this guy on Facebook too…but at least he’s closer to her age (that was an actual defense she gave us!). Any idea on how to keep my 13 year old from being a total slut besides fitting her now for a chastity belt?
What we have done so far: Facebook account is gone. Internet access is gone (except for extremely supervised schoolwork) she’s grounded of course, and she will never again spend the night with the out-of-town friend. And tomorrow I am making her an appointment with her doctor for all the appropriate tests and birth control (yes, I know that is closing the barn door after the horse is gone…). And I know I can’t turn back time but is there anything that is going to keep her from doing it again (and again and again)?
Just when I thought the worst was behind us, and going so well for what we have been through, I find this out. The worst thing is that is so hard to look at her and not see her as a 4-5 year old little girl…she’s my baby after all. Now I have to accept that she’s working on becoming a hootchie-mama. 
Bad scene, but at least it’s all out there now. Any idea of what the police are going to do about the child rapist? If that happened to one of my daufgers, I would be all over hounding the police to arrest that guy and getting him prosecuted.
I’m sorry.
There’s just no shortage of creeps out there willing to take advantage of stupid young girls. I’m glad you’re taking her to the doctor- please ask the doctor to speak to her about high-risk sexual behavior and it’s consequences. You might want to ask the doctor to order blood tests as well as physical specimens, and you could also ask her to test for ‘drugs of abuse’. Also, please look into getting her started with the Gardasil hpv vaccine series, if she hasn’t already.
Honestly, and I know this makes me a horrible mother at this minute, but I am afraid to call and find out what is going on on that front. Don’t get me wrong, I will. I definitely will, but at this moment I am just absolutely overwhelmed.
The mother who called me found out because the police called her thinking it was her daughter involved. The story, as much as I can piece together is that the 18 year old has a girlfriend who is also 18 (at least). My daughter stayed the night with this friend over the weekend (yes, this was after the original incident and all the fallout…she should have been grounded, but she rarely gets to see this friend and it had been planned for a while; also friend’s parents are usually good about keeping the kids in line and in sight, so we thought) and after the parents went to bed, she invited this guy over where they had sex in the garage (visible from the street). The girlfriend suspected the kid of cheating on her and followed him, and got an eyeful, found out who it was (at least a name and age) then reported it to the police (along with 2 other people who I do not know who also claimed to witness it).
Daughter admitted she has been sleeping with guy “for a while” and has been sleeping with him at bio-mom’s house on visitation days too. Thank God I have insomnia and so I don’t sleep much and am downstairs until 1 or 2 AM (lately until 3 or 4) so she hasn’t been able to sneak him in here.
The police haven’t called us, but I am expecting them to, and since it is so late now I guess I will call and find out the details in the morning.