You’re a good mother.
The Gardasil is definitely on the agenda. It’s funny, but she was due for immunizations last year and when I brought up Gardasil at that time, the doctor said, “Oh…I think we can wait a few years for that yet” and I thought so too. If I only knew then, huh?
I am thinking we should just go full-on now. As long as insurance is paying for it, we might as well find out everything, so I am asking for every test that they can possibly do. Even if everything is fine it will be good to know that and maybe it will make daughter see that slutting it up so young is just way more hassle than it’s worth.
Also, I don’t know what kind of doctor you’re taking her to, but she has no expectation of privacy, and you should insist on being with her for the exam. Now is the time for everything to be out in the open and addressed, and don’t let the doctor keep secrets from you.
Just wanted to point out that if she doesn’t seem to be dating anyone or seeing other guys and that if she was planning on being in a monogamous relationship with this guy, no matter how old he was, that’s not exactly “slutting it up.”
I wouldn’t have thought you’d have said something like that given how young you were when you were impregnated.
A 13-year-old having sex in a garage, with an 18 year-old, that has a girlfriend? I’d say that comes pretty close to “slutting it up”. (Sorry, Mitze.) Maybe I’m old-fashioned.
Wait, now I feel like I’ve missed posts.
She’s a child. The 18 year old is an adult and a criminal. Let’s please not characterize child sex abuse victims as “sluts.”
Mitze, may I ask why your husband is not the one calling the police about this? It seems strange to me that he wouldn’t do it immediately. I could not be restrained. It would be all I could do not to find the guy and kick his ass myself.
She is going to her primary doctor (family practice) who is also my doctor. I specifically chose this doctor for us because she will handle everything (barring specialization that might be needed) so I wouldn’t need a separate gynecologist. She’s very good and so far I have always been in the room with daughter (but of course she has never had this sort of exam before) and I will let her (the doctor) know why we are doing it just now too so that we are all clear that there will be nothing kept from us.
I am overly emotional and probably too judgmental at the moment, but yeah what I did at 16 was probably slutting it up too…which is exactly how I know that she is. 
But I was in a monogamous long-term relationship that stayed that way for a while.
There was no expectation of monogamy from either one of them it seems. When I said, “the police say it was reported by someone named…” she immediately knew that was his girlfriend and was upset that she (the girlfriend) knew he was cheating. So that coupled with plans to sneak away with Predator (at the beginning of this thread) in addition to messages I read on her Facebook and cell phone (before both were gone for good) makes me pretty certain that “slutting it up” is what she’s doing. If it was just one romance, just one guy or even one sexual encounter I might feel differently. I would never use that phrase with daughter who has my unconditional support if not approval, but I have to call it like I see it.
Oh jeebus. Does bio-mom know?
It’s not the end of the world. There’s a good chance that seeing the doctor will be a wakeup call.
But I’m starting to think your daughter needs a hobby. Does she have any interests that would put her with kids who are into things besides sex and the internet? Music, art, crafts, sports?
I agree. You’re a good mom. How’s dad taking all of this?
I would never call a child a slut, but I think it’s perfectly okay to condemn her behavior as slutty.
Yeah, the forum didn’t mark the last few posts on page 6 as unread so I just passed right over them. But I saw THIS:
WHAT?! If the judge doesn’t see THIS, stacked on top of EVERYTHING else as proof that the bio-mom is having a hugely negative impact on her child, I don’t know what will. She is allowing child abuse to happen in her home. Um, isn’t THAT a crime? Can’t you call the police on HER?
Children can be “slutty?” At what age?
What, if it were your daughter, you’d see her as one hundred percent victim, with no control over her own behavior? Her behavior is atrocious, and she needs to know that her parents and family and society are going to look at behavior like that as being “slutty”. Negative actions have negative consequences. Maybe if she doesn’t like being viewed as slutty, she should stop acting slutty. Of course, I don’t have any daughters, so YMMV.
I agree with this. It is definitely a bad idea to take a daughter who is actively participating in multiple sexual relationships and to tell her “you’re not acting like a slut. You’re the victim here.” She will continue on throughout the rest of her life with a sense of entitlement and a possible victim complex.
Mainly because my husband has access to guns! No, really…my husband is almost uncontrollable right now over this. He isn’t the one making the phone calls right now only because there is an emergency issue at his work that he cannot get away from and he has been forced to spend much time out there (he’s a paramedic supervisor providing 911 service for a rural county and has lost half his staff- it is literally life-or-death for some people if he isn’t there- not to mention his livelihood).
So what my husband is doing (in addition to being most of the voice when I say “we” have talked to anyone at all…) is letting me make the phone calls during business hours because I am the one at home. My cell phone is the one we use for business and emergencies because it’s never certain he’s going to be in a position to answer his. So I call, then call him and tell him what was said; he tells me what he wants said, then I call back. Or he calls me to see what was said and let me know what he wants said or answered, etc. We really are acting as one unit right now, so some of the calls “we” have made or conversations “we” have had, have been mostly my husband, and some have been me alone.
Apparently at 13 when they can beg and plead for their boyfriend to not be named because “he would get in trouble”. I won’t deny my daughter her victimhood in this, and I do not hold her responsible from that stand point at all. But calling a guy to come have sex with you deliberately, when you are well aware of what sex is and why or why not you should be doing it, is slutty behavior even at that age.
Yes. The adult rapist is 100% responsible for the rape. I have three daughters, so I don’t have to speculate about how I’d feel.
Ah and once she turns 18 it goes from 100% to 0% immediately. I think I’ve gotcha now.
Who knew it was that simple? Not I!
I guess people really are different- who knew?
I’d really like to turn the topic back to the OP and not hijack this thread.
Yes, absolutely. There is no difference whatsoever between an 18 year old and a 13 year old. How ridiculous to ever draw any lines between childhood and adulthood.