Turd Ferguson would probably get banned for trolling.
Vincent LaGuardia Gambini and Mona Lisa Vito for arguing every post
Axel Foley for always going against Mods instructions.
Boyd Crowder for racist comments.
I’d like to nominate Eddie the 'Ead, but he never says anything. He just looms over everything.
Ted Baxter, for always turning threads around to being all about him and/or how ‘It all started at a 5,000 watt radio station in Fresno, California…’.
Randy Hickey, for always bringing up monkeys and/or B.J. and The Bear (among other absurd things).
The Hate Monger and Malice, Mistress of Hate for, well, hate speech.
Hercule Poirot, for suspecting everyone to the point of practical trolling or getting into arguments/flame wars about fine cuisine and moustache maintenance.
Jessica Fletcher - for endangering the lives of posters. Everywhere that woman goes, people drop like flies!
Jay, of Jay and Silent Bob fame, for f***in’ obvious reasons.
Zombies.
edited to add: And Trolls.
But they can identify with so many threads!
And the Zombie Threads are even harder to kill than the Zombies.
John Galt, for a post that’s so long, no one wants to read it.
Hancock, for being an asshole. (“Call me asshole one more time.”)
Fred Sanford, for faking his death too often!
Well, if that’s bannable, then Harold, from Harold and Maude.
Also, Sybil Dorset*, if she tried to have a separate user name for each personality.
*yes, technically the pseudonym of Shirley Ardell Mason, but the story, by the time it was the TV movie most people are familiar with was so far removed from Shirley Mason’s real life as to amount to fiction.
Frank Booth
Patrick Bateman
Lurch
gotta add:
Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog
Felix Unger
Jon Snow, if he kept trying to respond to threads in GQ.
You know nothing, Jon Snow!
Catherine Tate’s Lauren, and Nana Taylor:
That is, if calling everyone a big dummy didn’t get him first.
Pinky and the Brain’s Brain, for trying to take over the board.
There occurs as a candidate – George MacDonald Fraser’s Harry Flashman. What with his odious personal character, and his generally reprehensible (especially to present-day enlightened folk) world-view and his unabashed proclaiming of same: in the earlier and more callow decades of his life, when he quite often failed at mastering his short and explosive temper – he would very likely verbally run amok on an interpersonal level, and quickly get banned.
When older and with improved skills in self-control and, through many years’ experience, altogether better-versed in sin: one sees him for a long while, adroitly staying just on the right side of the fine line between being nasty but tolerated / forgiven / warned, and being banned. Plus – especially in his later decades – his witty way with words and his perceptive, if highly cynical, commentary on the world’s goings-on, would likely have made him a favourite with many fellow-posters. It would seem probable that nonetheless: later less quickly than sooner, but same thing – he’d go too far, and fall over the cliff.
Ditto Flashman. He’s politically incorrect and racist, and pretty much has a strong disregard for anybody other than himself. He would however, be able to charm the female members of the SDMB up until the point where they would want to kill him.
The Harpo Marx character, for only replying “honk, honk” to every post.