“Never get half of your colon removed; then you’ll only have a semicolon.”
“The future is in my pants.”: a take-off on the crappy “the future is in your hands” so often found on high-school inspirational posters.
But think about it… my biological and genetic future rests in my future children, correct? And half of those future children are sitting in my ovaries as we speak. So, the future really IS in my pants… 
And there’s my current philosophy-of-life:
“Sure, there’s no point to all this, but I sure as hell ain’t gonna give up now!”
“I’d hate you if your life had promise.”
“Geniuses think alike, but you can’t tell idiots apart.”
“Don’t bash gays because someone told you they were bad. Bash them because every gay man you ever met held you down and shoved a garden rake up your ass.”
“If brains were open flames, you’d be working as a gas station attendant.”
It’s not great but it’s something I try to impress on the grad students:
“Biology waits for no one.”
(Meaning the critical time for observations/experiments will have come and gone whether you’re ready for them or not.)
Always show compassion for he whose mental furniture is in disarray.
If at first you don’t succeed, you just need heavier artillery.
Laziness is the mother of all inventions.
Gravity. It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law.
I don’t know how original that gravity quote is, but my brother and I have been saying it to each other since we were about 10 yrs. old.
Farm kids. Lotsa big machinery around, tall trees, rope and chain of every size and description, every type of power tool imaginable…and plenty of near death experiences by utilizing all that the farm had to offer while we were out “playing”.
I don’t know how original that gravity quote is, but my brother and I have been saying it to each other since we were about 10 yrs. old.
Farm kids. Lotsa big machinery around, tall trees, rope and chain of every size and description, every type of power tool imaginable…and plenty of near death experiences by utilizing all that the farm had to offer while we were out “playing”.
[sub]An improvement on an old one:[/sub]
A word to the wise is sufficient.
A word to the stupid is a waste of time.
Well, here’s a good quote I say whenever someone is annoying me,
“Someone ought to smack you.”
And then there’s my responce to any question I don’t feel like answering;(which is about 78.9876% of them)
“Blah.”
Recently coined after much discussion with fellow parishioners:
People will define your problems in the way that best meets your needs.
My bad. Should have been:
People will define your problems in the way that best meets their needs.
Existance is futile.
(making fun of resistance is futile)
"There really are only two kinds of people in the world: Those that ‘Don’t do math’, and those that take care of them.
“Objectivity is not one of my vices.”
“Consistency is not one of my vices, either.”
“I respect you opinon, but you’re wrong.”
Perfect response to people who go on and on about something really stupid, like the moonlanding hoax.
And a “bite your head off” response to morons who won’t leave you alone in a bar (which stipulates that he first says “You go girl!”
“Yeah? And you leave…”
Ok, This was a friend of mine, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t post here . .