Your 15. Don’t waste energy worrying abou it.
Hell, hedra, of course I’d rather be right!
See, my mistake was in thinking that by participating in a non-kiddie forum, old ceasar had some interest in being treated as something other than a little kid. And, he apparently doesn’t understand that probably the most valuable thing I can offer someone - the way I show respect for someone - is by telling them the truth as I see it. Sorry if I didn’t sugarcoat it, buddy. Ain’t my style. You asked folks’ opinions. And you got em. Real sorry if you don’t like what you got. Ya know what? Life is like that sometimes. Life can be a bitch that way, huh? I’m not sure there is a forum here where you ask for peoples’ opinions - BUT ONLY IF THEY AGREE WITH YOU.
He’s a 15 year old kid and he wants a girlfriend. I’m not sure why. He hasn’t told us what he wants to do with a “girlfriend” that he can’t do with friends. And he doesn’t seem to understand that his specific worldview and status will result in many social implications. Further, at age 15 he apparently believes that his particular worldview is “correct.” Wish I had such enlightenment at age 40! He has not yet developed the tools or associations to effectively examine his beliefs (NOTE, I do not intend to imply that he necessarily reject them). Moreover, he thinks that as a PK, he just happened to voluntarily come up with this, shall we say, strict/conservative/unyielding/intolerant view on his own, not as the result of his parents’ direction (however well-intentioned, closed minded, controlling, or whatever on their part.)
And I’ll admit it kind of pissed me off that he didn’t see fit to mention what I consider a pretty damn significant factor in his initial post. (What? That huge, smelly, enraged elephant in the corner of the room? Well, just ignore it!)
As I see it, probably the best thing about having girl friends at an early age would be that you get used to a lot of bullshit - getting dumped, compromising, sacrificing - so you are better prepared to deal with all the crap that gets dumped on you when you are an adult and relationships really matter and your actions have real consequences. Of course, there is no real need to rush there.
At 15, have fun. He’s fortunate, in a sense, that he is unlikely to piss away his HS years in a drug and alcohol induced haze. Of course he is unfortunate that he will not have the positive experiences and growth related to experimentation and risk taking. And should he ever fall off his lofty pedestal, I hope he doesn’t fall too hard. I am a strong advocate of “Everything in moderation.” Bright lines can have some appeal, but I have found things to be far more fuzzy.
And if you ain’t masturbating like hell at age 15 …, man, I’m speechless! Isn’t that at the top of the job description? Your hand is a cheap date.
your 40?! jeez! thats the most immature 40 year old I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. I’d expect as much from a 15 year old, but trust me, I am not one who thinks that everything is “correct”. I just know your a low life creap. get over it and act your age
Dammit, he is a newbie.
Caesar, shut up.
No, I mean it.
These are great people, they just don’t have your life’s story. They are trying to help based on what they know. That’s why I have spent so much time here. Remember, the good book says that patience is a virtue.
And everyone is a little teste(hehehe) about the Jack Dean Tyler thing. Just let the people talk.
oh, and TOO MANY CAPS!
I know what attracted me Tygr, my husband.
He was/is:
openly communicative to people in general, which made it easy for us to meet
friendly
polite (he held the door for me, pulled out my chair)
honest
sensitive
and he smiled alot.
I found him by swearing off getting married, and within two weeks I found him. We became friends and took our time getting to know each other. So I guess being casual and taking your time when you do meet someone is a positive.
Time to come out from my 2 month lurking spree.
Caesar, Dinsdale does have some points, athough he put them rather bluntly. You are 15. you havent found your place in the world yet. I speak from experience when I say that. When I was 15, 2 years ago, I was a very different person. I had very diffent political views then i.e. was a conservative, but I am now a socialist. As for my religion I was and still am an athiest, but have had time to study and refect on my beliefs.
Another good question is why you want girlfriend? I mean, sure the hormones are there. Do you look at having a girl friend as status symbol? Do you want one to satify your hormones? I’m guessing that that is not it for obvious reasons. Or do you want a compainion, one of the biggest reasons why I have a girlfriend.
Love is one of those funny things. You will have all sorts of ideas about if in till you start dating. You said that if you marry then your wife will be from your church, you very well might but if you meet a girl that you really like and who likes you back it won’t matter. My best advice is to not have overly high standards. You’re not going to ever get your dream girl. Just be your self and you will find someone very close.
As for your dad. They’re trying to help some of them even know pk that have ended up in bad situations. I will admit that it does seem to be a turn off to girls but if they can’t accept it then don’t bother with them. Like I said before. Though don’t count on yourself not changing. People change, thats one of the facts of life. You might find that you are even more confident of your religion or not.
I hope I havent been too blunt. This is just my opinion anyway. I hope this helps.
And ps ask red who i am.
ah dragon, alas you are right. I was just ticked off that Dins decided to go all balistic, and I am veeeery sensitive about people talking bad about my morals. unfortunatly, I took it out on the unknowing Hedra. and hedra, so I went balistic on you. it was out of line. Threll! yes, I know who you are. in fact, there is a building downtown that has your name. you do have some good points in there, and you did ask the good question without assuming! thank you. I’ve thought long and hard for the reasons why I want a girlfriend, and you are correct in the sence that its for companionship. sure you’ve got friends and all, but to know that someone cares for you in a different way, and you feel the same, it just seems like something I want. a lot of other people thought it was for sexuality, but its not at all. I’m attracted to certain girls, but I have no desire to get em in the sack, cause I know I’m not married to em, and I dont want to till I am. and I promice all of you that I’d never do that till I’m married, or I’ll give dragon 1,000,000 bucks. thats a promice. I saw no good point that dins did say (and dins, if it was there, and you wanted me to see it, stop bashing me about it and maybe I’ll see it. there is a difference between honesty and brutal honesty. you can break things to people without making it an issue. that was the first thing I learned in my maturity process. and if you really are 40, you are 25 years too late. please, if your going to help [and I want to hear your opinions] just dont try to tell me, then a punch when you say it. theres no reason for it) that is my history with the situation. I tend to go in waves of worry, but I take it thats with the whole 15 year old thing. right now I’m not worried about not getting a companion till collage, but I was when I posted this, and I figure I will again sometime next week. thats just how it is with me. and trust me dins, if you take anything from what I’ve said, believe me that I’m not one of those teens who think they know everything. heck I got a long way to go, but dont make assumptions. theres a difference between what you and hedra did. she assumed, and diddnt know, and based what she guessed on what I said before, you were prejudous and automaticly though I was a typical 15 year old. I resent that bad, and your not worth my time anymore. if you have constructive critisism I’ll take it, but anything else I’m disregarding
“Girls like assholes” is a huge misnomer.
-Victims- like assholes. These are the kind of girls you dont WANT to date. They’re the ones who like to play the helpless victim when things go bad, so they always look like the heroinne for dumping you.
Speaking as a girl… I like a guy who’s complex. Someone who wants to open up to me, but doesnt just blurt his whole life story on our first date. I like the air of mystique about a guy who’s reluctant to make himself vulnerable, but who’s still friendly and possesing a lot of wit and a bit of charm.
There are no specifics. Even a girl who normally likes tall, muscular guys can fall for an average scrawny guy in two seconds flat. Some people just click.
But if you dont make it a point to be sociable, you probably arent going to come across too many opportunities.
And that doesnt mean you should go to places that you’re uncomfortable with. I, for instance, would never go to a club hoping to meet a guy. I might, however, join an RP troupe that plays Vampire, because thos’re the kind of people I gravitate towards.
But all in all… TRY. Put some effort into it. Expect some rejection… and eventually you’ll triumph.
Good morning little caesar.
Sorry I didn’t post last night, but this immature 40 year old was having a lively conversation around the kitchen table with his three kids, debating what was “the worst swear.” My 11 year old son was holding out for “motherfucker,” but I think I convinced them all over to “cunt.” I think I convinced him when I informed him that, after all, their daddy was a motherfucker. They asked the question, and I foolishly did my best to answer it, requiring that they make cogent arguments for and against various positons. Meanwhile, I emphasized the richness and breadth of the English language, and stressed that they must be aware of the impact their word choice has upon their listeners. I guess I should have just hushed them up and told them not to ask such a naughty question. (Of course, you and I know what is truly “the worst swear,” right?!)
And yeah, I my 3 little heathens realize that Jesus is a myth. I probably wouldn’t have gone out of my way to emphasize that to them as early as I did, if some well meaning Christian hadn’t seen fit to tell them, when they were aroung 5 and 6 years old, that their parents were going to hell. In my humble opinion, if there is a hell, there should be a special place for evangelists annd missionaries. But you know what? I misguidedly tell my kids that different people are able to make up their own minds on such things as religion. As are my children. And just because someone thinks differently than us doesn’t, in itself, make them a better or worse person. How irresponsible of me for dumbing everything down for my little savages. Maybe you should alert family services.
And here’s the funny part. Those misguided little heathens think their daddy is, to use your words, “a great man.” Oh well! Pray for them as you pray for our dusky brethren over in darkest Indja.
Hint, no one has gone ballistic on you yet. I fear for how you would react if someone had. I’m not gonna dumb down or sugarcoat my views for you.
You want companionship - get a puppy.
Also, some paragraph structure and maybe a spellcheck would at least give your posts the superficial appearance of resulting from organized thought processes.
So I’m sitting here thinking.
My kids think their profane, atheist dad is a great man.
Caesar thinks his dad the preacher is a great man.
Who is right, and who is wrong?
Or are we both right?
Or both wrong?
Or maybe – Dinsdale and papa caesar are both just doing the best they can, and are actually simply mediocre men doing the best they can with limited abilities and imperfect information. And if the daddy does that, and doesn’t betray his trust/position/authority, the natural and desirable result is that his kids think him great.
Or maybe – people can be great in any number of different ways.
Or maybe – every one of us is a mixture of greatness, mediocrity, and failure.
But what would I know? Now MY daddy - there was a great man! But he’s dead.
Sorry about the excessive caps - old habits die hard. I’ll try to remember not to shout (and it is the shouting that is the habit, not the caps…).
Caesar, pardon the assumptions, but without any assumptions, how do I offer you more than a vague opinion? I gave my general thoughts earlier, and with more information about your life, I chose to try to be more specific - perhaps the specific parts of you are the issue, and besides, you have a ton of general replies. I know you apologized for blowing up, but I wanted to clarify: I didn’t say your parents WERE forcing you to do anything, I said IF they were, then… and I also said they probably weren’t. They probably do not expect you to take on any extra burden. But you seem to have taken it on, anyway, and that is the danger (even if you took it on only a little tiny bit). If you didn’t mean it when you said
then why did you say it? According to that statement, you have taken on the burden, and people do know you are a PK. You might not see it, but you said it.
I spoke to my mom last night about your question. (Gee, you really have been on my mind!) Her advice echoed mine. Be you - whatever that is, however that expresses, and however that changes. Being you requires that you examine who you are, why you are who you are, what you beleive (and echoing Dinsdale, not denying it or necessarily changing it, but examining it). It takes some courage to examine your beleifs, but it is really worth it. Do it for you, not for anyone else, not even a girlfriend. BTW, Dinsdale had a TON of good points in the post yesterday, don’t toss them out with the packaging.
My mom also recommends that you print out this whole thread and keep it somewhere, and go back and read it again every year or so. She calls this ‘secular scripture’ (poetry, literature, and letters also count). Like the Bible, such things can have many layers of meaning, and sometimes what seemed like a barren bush before will suddenly bear fruit and flowers in the same season. You may not want to categorize them in the same terms as the Bible, but there most certainly is great value in them. (ask your dad!)
BTW, Caesar, PKs who explode don’t usually have bad parents, they have human parents, with flaws - just like you have human parents, with flaws. Those kids have flaws themselves, as do I, and as do you. Dinsdale has it right - we’re all just human.
Dinsdale, man, you can be a jerk, but you are also great (I’d say ‘f***ing great’ but my mommy habit of not swearing kicked in). You have some real texture. I’ll have to have a good fight with you over the right vs. effective thing sometime. Looking forward to it. (and reading your sig, I think you are backsliding!)
You stated that you would only marry a girl from your church and you also said that the only girl that lives near you that meets this requirement you don’t like. Are you open to dating out side of your church? And if so have you thought about how you would handle dating a girl from another church or none at all later in the relationship (I mean to the point of considering marriage)?
Now the advice.
One thing is if a girl rejects you and she knows you pretty well, your only wasting time on her by trying to convince her to date you. Another thing is to always be courteous on the first couple of dates until you know her well enough to juge what level of formality is acceptable. I’m saving the best for last, don’t stock her 9 out of 10 says she will find it more annoying the flattering.
Where is the stor with my name on it and what dose it sell? I need to do some sesonal shoping.
Fair swipe, Totoro! But considering what a big subject it is, and how much could be written, I thought I kept it pretty succinct.
Go easy on the critique. You play bass, I play guitar. Some solidarity is in order. Let us stand united, and jointly mock those lesser men who have never mastered the fretboard, nor known the pain of learning to!
Ianzin and I will conquer all! HA HA HA HA!
But first…
Caesie, baby. I’ve learned one thing from trying to find a girlfriend, and that’s don’t try to find a girlfriend. I’m 16, only a little bit older than you, and I think you and me are on somewhat of the same wavelength. Right now, look for a girl “friend” rather than a “girlfriend.” One can sometimes turn into the other.
I was surfing a couple weeks ago & there were these two about 15 year old girls on the rocks waving at me. So I waved back & soon after that they were waving me to come in & meet them.
Believe it or not. I didn’t come in & meet them though, as a matter of fact, I tried my best not to & butt got pretty cold in the water waiting for them to disappear.
I am one of these rare ones also. Bring on the geeks!
As for the OP, stop looking and expect the unexpected. And look approachable.