Forget Francine. Pretend you never met the person. Talk things over with your friend who cheated on you with her. Friends are worth keeping; breaches in friendships can be patched up. Things happen once that might never happen again. Whatever you liked about the guy as a friend is still there; she didn’t take it with her.
I’m going to break with trend here and tell the OP, I know how he feels. When you see your ex in a place they know you enjoy, where you took them with you, it’s annoying. Not because you still love them, or are wasting energy on them-- because you don’t want to see them and they’re in your face. It’s as simple as that. When they know you’re done with having them in your life but they specifically go to a place they know you’ll be, it feels disrespectful and invasive. Being annoyed and wondering what the hell their deal is is a normal reaction.
Her motivations could be that she misses you, or that she’s spiting you, or that she really liked the bar and wanted to go there again. There’s nothing wrong with being aggravated by it, and it doesn’t mean you’re still hung up on her. Your reaction is normal, and though it’d be better if you didn’t care at all, the fact that you do is totally human. I think the ragging you’re taking here is a little unfair to you.
All you can do to discourage her is be ice cold when you encounter her, the way you would react to seeing someone from work that you don’t like and who doesn’t like you, but with whom you observe the perfunctory social niceties. That’s the best course of action.
Maybe while she was seeing wasson, she just started to like that particular bar. Does it really need to be about her trying to do things to upset you? Is she not over wasson, or is it perhaps that wasson can’t bring himself to believe that she’s not obsessing over him all the time and trying to do things that annoy him?
I’m not arguing any of that. I was just emphasizing that the emotional reaction he’s having is not aligned with the real-world facts. You’re basically agreeing with me, so I’m not sure what the point of your post is. Perhaps you just didn’t like my “dismissive” tone? I won’t argue with you there, either. I am dismissive of bars, and I have noticed that I tend to dislike many of the people who go to them routinely. I would never think that of the OP, as I do not know him, but for me personally, I can’t stand most drinking establishments, and feeling possessive over one strikes me as nonsensical. YMMV.
Absolutely. I’d say he was being an asshole. I think much the same about wasson’s ex-girlfriend.
You already said you have friend overlap. Tough noogies, I say. She’s around, you don’t own the bar, and you’re going to run into her. It’s one of the downfalls of dating. You’ll be fine.
My mileage DOES vary. I think we disagree on what the “underlying facts” are. Your misunderstanding what the importance of a pub might be does rub me the wrong way. Of course, I could just be projecting onto wasson, so I’m not really willing to engage you in heated debate over it.
My original response to you was going to include an assumption that you weren’t familiar with pub culture, but I didn’t want to make the assumption without backup. Now, knowing that you do not, I can tell you that, regardless of whether you find it acceptable, keeping one’s own space after a breakup is important, as you know, and it certainly extends to comfort points, as I’m sure you know, which comfort points include one’s bar, which you may not know. This of course does not extend to the local Applebee’s or Olive Garden or what have you, but some public places are more public than others, if you catch my drift.
Now, the issue about where the ex lives, that’s a whole other story. If she lives nearby, it shouldn’t be an issue. While I would, personally, avoid running by MY ex’s house, she’s under no obligation to do so. If she’s going out of her way, it’s jerkish, but, again, wasson should work on not caring. Admittedly, that’s easier said than done.
Mutual friends- that’s their decision to hang with one or both of a former couple. Abdicating those relationships is not something I would do.
Yeah, but wasson didn’t mention Francine approaching him or anyone else in his group. If she gave all her attention to her date (and I mean for real, not glancing over her shoulder every so often to see if wasson was looking), then she probably just likes the wings. Or her date had heard about the place and wanted to try it. Or the bar has features, like a secluded booth, that she wanted to try out with New Guy.
I perfectly understand that the buddies of a woman’s ex would not be overjoyed to see her in the old bar. But I would hope that they would not go out of their way to harass her, if she truly was making no effort to get his attention.
Actually, it creeps me out less to think of a woman being dissed by her ex’s buddies after the breakup, than it does to think of them making her a “superstar” simply because of her association with him. If there was no sincerity in it, just putting her on a pedestal that would fit any woman he gave his stamp of approval, then her being met with indifference bordering on hostility might say more about the guys than about her.
The problem with this discussion is that we’re just not there yet. Two incidents, which we don’t know if they were out of her way or not, does not make “kept sauntering past.” Sure, I’d be creeped out by a guy or a girl stalking an ex, but that isn’t what we’re discussing here (yet, and hopefully not ever).
I think this thread should give you a good handle on her motives: She wants to get a reaction out of you. Good or bad, that’s what it sounds like she wants.
It sounds like you’re meeting her attempts with little outward response. That’s the correct thing to do, IMHO.
But if what you really want to know is why she wants to get a rise out of you, that’s harder. Maybe she feels bad about the breakup and wants to make amends. Maybe she’s feeling bad about herself and wants validation. Maybe she feels shamed by your old group of friends for her behavior and is lashing out. The truth is, you don’t get to know her true motivations. The other truth is, even if you did, they still wouldn’t make much sense to you.
You can string “whys” together for an eternity and still not find the One Conclusive Answer.
I don’t want to engage in “heated” debate over it, either. I have my opinions, and so do you, but there’s no reason to get bent out of shape about it.
Well, “pub culture” is kind of a British thing, and the OP is from Peoria, Ill. Not saying there aren’t American equivalents, but I will go out on a limb and say we don’t have an actual term for it here. Again, I’m not talking about the OP, but I can remember when hanging out at a bar had a slight negative connotation.
But your statment about “public places” is an oxymoron. A public place is a public place; why should someone be more attached to a bar than to an Olive Garden? The point is the attachment is to the people involved, not the place. Otherwise, it’s just all about drinking, which is is not an inherently interesting activity.
Well, you’re making my point for me.
I’ve never seen an Olive Garden where there were “regulars.”
At my local bar, I know who’s going to be in there on a Friday night, about what time they’ll get there, and about what time they’ll leave.
If an ex showed up at the Olive Garden on the same night I did, I’d think nothing of it. If she showed up at my bar, I would.
Because you don’t go to a bar for the beer, you go for the music or because they have pool tables- but primarily because the people there like the same things you do and congregate there. the bar isn’t the building, but the people. Unlike Olive Garden.
Technically, both are public places in that anyone is free to go to both as they please. However, people go to Olive Garden for reheated Fauxtalian and free breadsticks- every Olive Garden is like every other. People go to their local watering hole because Social D is on the jukebox and because you can play pool for beers with your pals. All bars are not the same.
But it’s still early. wasson still has no idea if this is all coincidence or not.
Out of curiosity- where are you now or where are you from? I’m Bronx Irish, for all intents and purposes, and pub culture is alive there and was wherever I went in the city- although it’s likely that I sought it out, either consciously or unconsciously. What area/era is devoid of pub culture and attaches negative connotation to hanging out at a bar? It’s not beyond my ken, but it’s certainly out of the ordinary.
Don’t forget the unlimited salad. 
I’m waiting impatiently for this weekend, to find out if the ex is back again. I may need to develop some different hobbies.
I’m originally from Ohio, and now live in eastern PA; there’s not a whole lot of difference between the two.
If you’re from New York, I’m sure there’s a lot more things than this that you would find “out of the ordinary” everywhere else. I don’t even consider New York part of the United States. Give it back to the Dutch, I say! 
Peoria is probably as close as the Midwest gets to the blue-collar parts of NY.