What is my gf doing?

No but the thing is, the whole time we’ve been together it’s not been like this at all! It’s been wonderful, I couldn’t have asked for a better gf, but now the sudden change?

Bugger, I just feel like a twat now, it’s probably nothing, now she probably thinks I don’t trust her. I do trust her! Which is why I was so surprised at the out of characterness.

Do you feel that you did something bad and worth apologizing for, or are you just trying to make her not upset with you? If the former, and you are sincere, apologize; if the latter, don’t apologize. It doesn’t really look good for the future of this relationship, based on what you have told us, but then again, it could just be a little bump in the road.

As I understand it, he wrote some comments / questions, which she just deleted, without replying. And you would get upset with him even asking about it?

It would bother me, yes. It’s Facebook comments, not epic love poems, romantic letters or anything else of real, lasting significance that you’d expect the recipient to retain. When I don’t respond to Facebook comments it’s usually because I have had a real-life conversation with the poster or have contacted them via a more private medium such as email, where I can say things in depth that I wouldn’t bother with in a Facebook comment. Just because you don’t respond in kind doesn’t mean that you haven’t responded at all.

And if I had an SO and they left me Facebook comments, I’d probably kind of wonder why. One, I can sort of understand, but multiple? Why would we need to communicate that way? If it’s not for communication then what’s the point of it?

Marking territory.

Well… you don’t trust her, or you wouldn’t be worried about this. Don’t worry you may be right not to trust her. You’re 19, and unless you had serious plans on marrying the girl, it might be wisest to begin to consider just breaking things off. At the very least, beginning a break-up conversation may give you some answers. At the best, your conversation will end in you feeling more affirmed about the status of your relationship.

Just don’t say anything you can’t take back, and don’t do anything to give her the idea that you’ve strayed, or that you think she’s already strayed. Either one of those will kill any future you guys have.

OneCentStamp it’s funny you should mention why I would need to communicate on Facebook. She’s leaving to uni sooner than I am but the primary reason is that her mobile phone has broken and she’s in the process of getting a new one.

Unfortunate but true: relationships between teenagers (rarely) last. Both people are still “finding” themselves, and that means figuring out what type of relationships they enjoy the most. Perpetual exclusivity is just not likely.

Pre-emptive dump time. You’re 19. Too young to stress over this stuff, Enjoy yourself.

Unfortunate but true: relationships between teenagers (rarely) last. Both people are still “finding” themselves, and that means figuring out what type of relationships they enjoy the most. Perpetual exclusivity is just not likely.

Also, young people tend to have short attention spans. If she’s attractive like you say, then she probably gets lots of attention from lots of different guys. When she goes off to college, she’ll be meeting lots of different people, and many of those people will be guys who will present exciting, new relationships.

I don’t say this to be a pessimist, or even to suggest that your relationship is over, but merely to offer some sobering reality: this will not be your last girlfriend. With that in mind, it’s not going to be helpful to spend too much time worrying about whether she has other guys in her life, and how you can keep her loving you.

Better to enjoy her company, but also to keep your eyes open for other opportunities that will present themselves. This isn’t a suggestion to cheat on her. But make other friends, put yourself out there, and “find” yourself, just as she is probably doing. When the relationship ends, you have no reason to find yourself thinking you lost your one chance at bliss; do yourself a favor and don’t get consumed by this one relationship.

More immediately, I wouldn’t discuss the Facebook thing with her anymore. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, asking her about her isn’t going to improve your situation. Just enjoy your time together, and be aware that a time will come when it’s time to move on.

Re-reading my post leaves me thinking I sound like a bitter old (29 years old) man. I don’t think there’s much truth to that, but feel free to ignore me. I’m just offering my 2 cents, and hope I don’t sound too boorish.

Couple things…
Regarding the hard facts

  1. If she deleted the other guy’s comments also, and also didn’t respond to his, you’re working up over nothing, and although it is distant and strange for a committed GF (we’ll get to this), it’s not a huge deal
  2. If she didn’t delete the other guy’s comments, and/or replied to them, then you have every right to be worried and I’d take that as a huge warning sign
    And that plus she’s leaving for a university soon, does not bode well for you.
    All things considered, I’ve gotta say that it looks like you’re headed for a breakup. Why? Who knows, maybe you’ll find out, hopefully she’ll tell you why, nothing worse than never knowing why you lost somebody. Maybe another guy, maybe just not sure if you’re right when she goes off to college.

Whatever it is, believe me, stuff changes a lot especially at your age (heh, I’m not much older, but it’s a few crucial years). If you’re at college yourself, or whatever you end up doing, there’s a LOT of people to meet.

I can list numerous points in this case, about people I’ve directly known or anecdotally known who thought they were losing the love of their life when going to college, or clinging to a long distance relationship for a long time (in one case an engagement even for a couple of years), then breaking up, looking around and within weeks or months realizing that there was a whole new and better world out there.

When or immediately before she leaves, you need to have an honest conversation specifically about staying together while she’s away, and what’s brought about the recent distance. Don’t bring up specifics or facebook or other guys, you’re honestly confused and a good girlfriend should recognize that and try to correct it. If she doesn’t she’s not a good girlfriend or hiding something.

In the immortal words of Auto’s friend Rob, slip her the…

wait for it

wait for it


Seriously, dude. Whether you break up with her, she breaks up with you, or you try to make things work out, get your romping in sooner rather than later.

The old “my cell phone was broken” dodge, eh?

My work here is done :smiley:

Nah her phone really IS broken, it’s a swivel phone and it’s hanging off the swivel on like a thread lol.

I know I’m only 19, the world is my oyster and all that but I really don’t want to throw away a relationship as I have done in the past…

Understood. But if you’re 19 now and living in an affluent Western country, you will most probably live to be 100. Which means you’re going to spend the next 81 years with the same woman. Whaddaya – trying to break a record or something? Whatever happens, learn from it, but you’re way too young to worry that this might be your one and only.

also, I don’t think “breaking up with a girl who may not actually give a rats ass” qualifies as “throwing a relationship away”. I think the throwing may have already been done, just watch out when you hit the ground.

By all means try doing something romantic and/or thoughtful if you think it might rekindle the relationship, or if it is simply the case that things need freshening up a bit, but don’t make the mistake of doing something grandiose and/or expensive, such as proving your love by tattooing her name on your arm, or blowing your entire savings on expensive jewellery for her.

She doesn’t seem to care too much about your feelings on whatever the situation is, so I suggest breaking up with her before she breaks up with you. That may sound childish, but it gives you more control over what happens to you, and probably won’t be as painful. You won’t be the poor sap that got dumped, but the guy who left before it got really pathetic.

She might act different in person, but it doesn’t change what she’s doing behind your back. Also, you don’t trust her. When there’s a lack of trust, the relationship needs to end. You’re young, move on.