and its very good. 
I think this is brilliant.
A freind of mine used to say,
Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy the Yacht that pulls up to the dock next to it.
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear,
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy,
Was he?
I wish I had a funny one but here are two I heard and have stuck with me.
Regarding religion but can apply to other things.
“We are drawn to the light, then we make the mistake of worshiping the lamp.”
Something I found on a scrap of paper in college in the mid seventies. It relates to the importance of character and teaching by example.
“No written word or spoken plea can teach young minds what men can be, nor all the books on all the shelves, but what the teachers are themselves.”
I’m sure we all agree that we ought to love one another, and I know there are people in the world who do not love their fellow human beings — and I hate people like that!
Tom Lehrer
Don’t say that he’s hypocritical, say rather that he’s apolitical.“Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down? That’s not my department,” says Wernher von Braun.
*
Tom Lehrer*
Die, my dear? Why that’s the last thing I’ll do!
Groucho Marx
“The future is no place to place your better days”
-Dave Matthews
“If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit”
-Mitch Hedberg
“Church is like baseball. Many attend, few understand.”
Probably said it before but…
“It’s better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.”
Remembering this has saved me a lot of time and hassle.
Is the glass half-empty or half-full? Be thankful you even have a glass, people in Africa have to use their hands. (mean, I know, I’m sorry)
Good ones.
My only contribution at this point is…
“There are 3 kinds of people in this world,those who can count, and those who cannot.”
“Some folks will just never know the satisfaction of taking $3000 in tools, and $2 in scrap and making a $7 part that can be bought for $1.50” - me
A twist on an old one.
I felt bad because I had no girlfriend until I met a man who had no hands.
I spent all my money on birds, booze, and fast cars. The rest I squandered. -George Best
like it.
I often find that the mechanically UN-inclined are fearful of breaking something, and so they never tinker at all, forgetting that even the most mechanically inclined person learns through (occasionally frustrating) experience. A relevant quote from Robert M. Pirsig in “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance:”
“…There’s a school of mechanical thought which says I shouldn’t be getting into a complex assembly I don’t know anything about. I should have training or leave the job to a specialist. That’s a self-serving school of mechanical eliteness I’d like to see wiped out…You’re at a disadvantage the first time around and it may cost you a little more because of parts you accidentally damage, and it will almost undoubtedly take a lot more time, but the next time around you’re way ahead of the specialist. You, with gumption, have learned the assembly the hard way and you’ve a whole set of good feelings about it that he’s unlikely to have.”
For those of us who find reward in the making and maintaining of machines, another quote from Samuel Florman in “The Existential Pleasures of Engineering:”
“We recognize that we cannot survive on meditation, poems and sunsets. We are restless. We have an irresistible urge to dip our hands into the stuff of the earth and do something with it.”
I like this version:
“There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary notation, and those who do not.”
“Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope”
Freewheelin’ Franklin
“The logistics of two dogs fighting over a bone are such that the bone rarely wins.”
(This has come to mind frequently over the last six years … )
“If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be research.”