“Well, I’ll be dipped in shit!”
-
- Fat Freddy, just before Fat Freddy Scat’s third wish.*
You will get further with a kind word and a big stick, then you will with just a kind word.
It’s not a problem. The skunk will leave.
Why?
Professional courtesy.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I just came across this one:
“Dude, if a park ranger warns you about the bears, it ain’t ‘cause he’s tryin’ to keep all the bear hugs for himself.”
From here.
I prefer Al Capone’s version, “You can get more of what you want with a kind word and gun, than you can with just a kind word.”
I found this a couple years ago, unattributed:
“Please, sir,” pleaded the stranger, “Would you be so kind as to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and can’t find work? All I have in the world is this gun.”
“The more I practice, the luckier I get.”
“Tag along with someone who’s been at this awhile, caution being advised in any hobby where you could wind up stoned, indicted, sick, or dead.”
- Cecil Adams
“Civilization will not attain perfection until the last stone from the last church falls on the last priest.”
- Émile Zola
“If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can’t be done.”
- Peter Usinov
snerk well done sir.
I’ve heard a better version:
“You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a longer way with a smile and a gun.”
“One hopes for the best. One perseveres. One reevaluates constantly. One is an asshole if one doesn’t.” E.B. Farnumin Deadwood
I’ve found the phrase “if ambition doesn’t hurt, you don’t have it” actually does make it hurt a tiny bit less.
“The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top of the mountain or in the petals of a flower.”
- Robert Pirsig
“Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.”
- Charlie Chaplain
“I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.”
- Groucho Marx
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” -Socrates
“If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.” -Albert Einstein
“Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.” -Dr. B. Franklin
“He that lives upon hope will die fasting.” -Franklin
“I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics.” -Richard Feynman
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” -Douglas Adams, Long Dark Teatime of the Soul
“In the beginning the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.” -Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds of that I don’t know the answer.” -Mr. Zaphod Beeblebroz, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
“The meaning of life is that it ends.” -Franz Kafka
“An expert is someone who knows some of the worst mistakes that can be made in his subject, and how to avoid them.” -Werner Heisenberg
It never hurts to apologize, especially if you don’t mean it. ~ Jim Bouton in “Ball Four”
Perspective is everything.
If a job’s worth doing - it’s worth doing badly.
“Precedent” is the assumption that someone else, in the past, with less information, nevertheless knows better than the man on the spot. “Tradition” means doing things in the same grand style as your predecessors; it does not mean doing the same things.
You live and learn. Or you don’t live long.
A zygote is a gamete’s way of making another gamete. This may be the purpose of the Universe.
Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of. But do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.
All from Robert Heinlein.
The Ox may carry the cart up the hill,
but it’s the Bird who builds his nest in the trees.
—Some dead Zen philosopher who wasn’t especially good
On your feet, or on your knees!
—originally by some quasi-famous dead general; more recently by the mighty Blue Oyster Cult