I also have a resistance to fast food for all sorts of reasons, but really enjoy what I’d describe as a ‘basic’ breakfast sandwich that most of the fast food places do quite well: english muffin, an egg, cheese, and meat optional.
I tend to get mine at Dunkin, as that’s the fast food establishment that has ice tea to my spouse’s liking, but I’ll enjoy a breakfast sandwich from anywhere. A warming box from a random convenience store with a grill is fine, though occasionally I will have an experience where the fried egg is just too thin or greasy, or the yolk is too soft for a sandwich.
In my mind, the perfect breakfast sandwich needs to:
Be the right size. It should fit in one hand without risk of mess or losing any ingredients. I should be able to eat the sandwich in the car or while walking, without having to be too careful of things spilling out. I shouldn’t feel full after eating it. It’s a nice little calorie-dense treat, but it is not a meal substitute.
Have the right ingredients. See above. Too many things stacked on a sandwich, or the wrong things (things that make it tall, things that drip, or things that don’t bite off easily) make it unmanageable.
Have the right bread. It’s got to be thin enough that it doesn’t make the sandwich too tall. It has to be sturdy enough that it doesn’t loose integrity once you start eating it. It also needs to hold up to any moisture or liquid fat in the sandwich. Ideally, it should keep my hands basically clean while I eat (though I will accept buttered/grilled bread and some extra napkins). An english muffin is really the perfect option in this regard- and also helps manage size.
Be cheap. It’s a basic sandwich. It’s not a meal. I admit this is an old man yelling at a cloud about the price of bread, but if the sandwich is over $6.99, it is too much.
All that is to say, I think the perfect breakfast sandwich is a toasted english muffin with a fried egg, slice of American or cheddar cheese, a thin sausage patty… and that’s it. Because I like sweet with savory, if I was making it at home, I might drizzle a tiny bit of maple syrup in the sandwich.
I will on occasion get take out from a local breakfast place to eat at home, and will get their breakfast sandwich which I love. It is not a one-hander and is more like a meal, but still succeeds in simplicity and in hold-togetherness: griddled brioche bun, scrambled egg, cheddar, some really good bacon, and a little spicy sriracha-type condiment.
That’s a good one, and I probably have it at home about once per week. Substitute a good bagel on occasion. I don’t usually have sausage patties, so I’ll fry a slice of deli ham or maybe some thick cut bacon.
Toasted bagel, salmon cream cheese, thinly sliced red onion, avocado, Bleu Cheese crumbles, too much bacon. Sometimes I’ll toss some capers into the mix.
Kidding, ketchup on eggs is a crime against humanity. But a nice Bacon Egg and Cheese, on a kaiser roll, with Pepper and Mayo is perfection on a bun.
Eggs need salt, but you got bacon and American cheese, that’s plenty, and the guys who worked at my dad’s shop back in the ‘80s liked their BEC with mayo, so that’s the best way, it’s science.
Nothing beats a sausage biscuit for me but dammit, McD’s have really fell in quality. Floured Crisco and sausage from an animal that is technically a mammal. I make them at home with homemade biscuits and maybe I’ll add an egg and a good cheese and I am a happy boy.
There used to be a couple of places with breakfast buffets on the way to work. At least once a week, I’d stop in to put a couple slices of French toast and some ham slices in a takeout box. No cheese, they only offered something akin to Whiz. And turkey on a breakfast buffet? Fuggetaboutit.
My favorite thing at IHOP these days is their Big Breakfast Burrito but it’s nearly double the upper limit set by the OP.
I often make myself essentially a homemade Egg McMuffin for breakfast. I had one this morning in fact. Toasted English muffin, a slice of Canadian bacon, a fried egg, and a slice of American cheese.
We have this twice a week and never tire of it. Toasted English muffin, buttered. First an over-easy egg on the bottom. A bit of salt and pepper. Liberal amount of Sriracha. A strip of bacon, halved. Mayo on the top muffin half. Place on top. Mash down until the yolk breaks. Mop up the egg spillage with the sandwich. Lick fingers. Thank me later.
I made these on the weekend. Start an English muffin toasting. Fry some thinly sliced chorizo and bacon. Add an egg and break the yolk. Melt a slice of cheese atop it. Spread one half of the muffin with mild English mustard. Maybe/maybe not spread the other half with a smear of caramelized onion. I have no idea why sometimes I feel like it but sometimes I don’t. Sweetness? Assemble.
The closest I’ve been able to come is “buns” made out of zucchini fritters using chickpea flour. They’re a little dense but they hold together and soak up the yolk.
I endorse this sandwich. (Don’t need the avocado or any other kind of cheese.)
ETA: Just noticed the phrase I quoted-- I want salmon AND cream cheese, not cream cheese with salmon bits mixed in it.
Whataburger makes an excellent sausage biscuit. I usually get it with just sausage & biscuit or sausage, egg & biscuit. Don’t need the cheese. Do you have Whataburger where you live? It started in Texas, but it’s expanding to the rest of the country.
When I make my fave breakfast sandwich myself, I like to put two strips of bacon, each one cut in half, in a frying pan, and arrange them in a frame or grid. When they’re mostly done, break an egg over them and try to get the bacon grid to act as scaffolding to hold the egg in place. When cooked sufficiently with the yolk ever so slightly soft, lay that structure on a piece of toast that is spread with mayonnaise* and cover with another piece of toast spread with mayonnaise. Cut in half and devour.
Used to be you could get this fried-egg-and-bacon sandwich at the Waffle House on raisin toast!
YUM!
*One of the few times when I want mayonnaise on a sandwich.
