What Led Me Here

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The real feeling of being alone is usually not felt when you are alone, but when you are in the company of others. That sucks, by the way, because the people who should be making you feel comfortable are the ones who are doing just the opposite. So I have lost interest in what you call “real” life. For about three weeks, I have isolated myself from my “reality” and most of my time has been spent thinking about the evils of the world.

I lived online. As in, I was on this chat app, in which I felt like I belonged. I have met all sorts of people who seem to be deformed in their own ways, just like I was. And I am telling you, it felt so great. As my online life shot up, the real one kept spiraling down, but for once in my life, I did not care. I found distraction from suicidal thoughts. Call it absurd or whatever because it probably is absurd or whatever, but talking to strangers is what actually saved me.

Normally enough, love fell into my lap. I fell in love with this guy who I met in the chat thing. It sucks because we’re so far apart that I say good morning when it’s midnight, you get the picture. But it was so perfect. The feeling of loneliness left me. Chatting with him made me forget. I thought I was going to be okay, but certain bad things happened in our relationship, most of which was my fault. That’s another story, I guess. And maybe, just maybe, I’d post it too. But… myeah… Now I’m lost again.

I’m so wrecked and devastated, I don’t know what to do anymore. So I randomly stumbled upon this site, and registered in the hope of finding comfort in just knowing that somewhere out there, someone knows my story, even if it’s just a bit of it. I don’t know how many of you would take this post. It is my first post, actually. Lol. That much is obvious, isn’t it? :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m just trying so hard to push past this desperate loneliness and not think of my ex, but obviously failing. It’s very challenging to do this while keeping suicidal thoughts at bay. Again. That dull ache of emptiness inside… The feelings that would not take the form of words… Forgotten promises… Unrealized hopes… Frustrated longings… The pain brings tears to my eyes.

2

Powerfully expressed. Welcome to SDMB. Perhaps others here can help explore your pain with you. Here’s hoping your mood improves.

3

Wow, this is awesome! Just… Wow. Lol. My mood did light up a bit, thanks to your reply. :smiley:

4

Glad it helped a little. Oddly enough, just this morning I solved a puzzle that was based on this quotation:

How’s that for motivation?

5

True. It’s kind of sad how most people don’t realize that words are so powerful, they could really cause drastic changes in a person - take this, for instance, shifting mood in an instant. :smiley: If only everyone would act in accordance with that quotation, maybe our world would be a better place. It’s just that I don’t think people think, you know? Most, if not all, won’t even bother to stop and ponder about the right things to say to make another person feel better.

Wait… Did you say you solved a puzzle? O.O A puzzle based on a quotation? Sorry, I’ve honestly never tried anything like that before lol.

6

That’s true. Check out http://ecrostics.com/ and see today’s puzzle “Apples of Gold.” You can download the software to work the puzzles and there’s a backlog of hundreds of them. Their tone ranges from the profound to the silly, but they’re normally worth the time.

7

Oh cool! : D Thank you so much. This ought to keep me distracted for a couple of hours~

8

Relationship problems. check
Suicidal thoughts. check
Shows interest in delving into the psyche. check
Writes well, cohesively and interestingly. check
And you posted as soon as you fell down into this rabbit hole! Yay!!

Now, if you also like music, want advice on how to cook that elk you brought down with your bare hands, are wondering how scientists just discovered that protons are even smaller than we thought AND want to start a thread about Things You Can Do With Scotch Tape, well…

…you might just have found a new home. Welcome.

9

Welcome. You have a knack for words, and expressing them in a powerful way. Stick around, share, explore and inspire, and we’ll all grow together.

Just know you’ve found a place that can be a new home, filled with friends.

10

Music is what helps me keep going on. I started listening to a lot of post-rock songs since the break-up ;w; Is it strange that I find hope in them? I listen to other genres too, mostly rock though.

Ehh… I’ve never really liked Chemistry, honestly, lol. I cursed it a lot when I was still in High School, and still cursing it now that I am in college. But I must admit, all scientific discoveries esp. of tiny stuffs like protons, are truly amazing and interesting.

Oh my god, I would sooo start a thread about that. Ahaha. Scotch Tapes are… <3. I wonder if I could strangle my ex’s next love interest with it. Hmmmm…

I think I just found a new home. :’) Thank you, thank you so much.

11

Thank you, Fool in the Rain. I don’t think I wrote in a “powrful way” though .__. Seriously, lol. I always feel like I can’t express myself clearly, esp. because english isn’t really my first language. But it’s nice knowing that you guys find it interesting and cohesive. Thanks!

Growing together sounds great! I’m glad I came here. :3

12

For one that English is a second language, you have an excellent grasp of putting strong emotions into words, a nuance that can be difficult to do for some people. This quoted paragraph is powerful - hauntingly painful, yet touched with promise of a resolve to overcome.

If you can, find a professional to talk to, and talk, let it all out, and soon you’ll find your way through the pain. Of course, feel welcome here also, you’ll find some very knowledgeable, caring, funny and real people here.

13

Welcome, TheCurious! This is a good place to hang out. :slight_smile:

I’m sorry you’re feeling down and hope your depression lifts somewhat, and soon.
FWIW, I don’t think it’s healthy to live your entire life online. Try to get out into the real world too…it can be beautiful out there. Snow! Puppies! Flowers! Walkies!

You might find this thread interesting.

14

Fool in the rain, maybe it’s just all of this bottled-up emotions that I’ve kept inside that’s now finally finding their way out lol. Maybe being broken awakens the writer inside all of us…

I’ve been thinking about seeing a professional for a while now, but I’m kind of scared, which is really stupid for so many reasons. I feel like I won’t be able to actually tell anything~

Chiroptera, I still go out in “the wild” (yes, that’s what I call the “real” world sometimes xD It is truly wild out there, don’t you agree? . w .) every once in a while, but everything seems uninteresting… so fake. Everything and everyone.

That is indeed an interesting thread, thank you so much for sharing. Snow’s cool… At least it does seem cool from the movies, haha. I live in a country where it does not snow, so I don’t think I’d ever experience that before I die ;w; I like pets- actually had a lot before: birds, hamsters, fishes. They are who accompanied me during my dark childhood. Every one else had friends, bestriends, and I got pets. But when they all started dying, I got very depressed to the point that I do not attend classes anymore. So now everyone forbids me from being too close to animals because I “get too emotionally attatched.” Sorry, what are walkies?

15

Where do you live? Your English is excellent for a non-native speaker.
Cool is not the word I’m using for snow just having spent 45 minutes shoveling it, ha.

Walkies is just a cutesy way of saying go out for a walk (usually with dogs). And whenever I write it, I hear Barbara Wodehouse saying “Walkies!” whenever I say it her delightfully plummy, no-nonsense British accent.

16

Why thank you :smiley: I’m from Asia. Philippines, to be exact.
Actually, no… Hell is more like it! Haha.

45mins of shoveling snow… Ohdeargod /: Are you alright? Lol I think I’d like to play with snow a bit but definitely won’t agree to do any shoveling, if it can be helped. I’m too lazy >.>

Oh, walkies! Awesome. Never heard of Barbara Woodhouse before. o.O But if she does have this british accent, then I love her already!~ :3 Haha

17

Me, it was the wilds which did the trick and turned my life around; everything I was shown was 100% genuine. Hope this thread helps, see posts 21 & 22. The key is opening yourself up to the possibility, in whatever form it might take; sudden could be the change, you never know until you try.

18

Welcome, TheCurious_, and I hope you’ll like it here. :slight_smile:

19

Speaking of music, the official board song is Gangnam Style. Its the best song that’s ever made so, that’s kind of appropriate

20

I just looked up the lyrics, and if those are the correct lyrics, it’s an…interesting choice. Ignorance fought, didn’t know we had an official song - unless I’m being Yog-whooshed. :wink: