How to make an American Quilt
The whole point of the movie was that men cheat, and that the girls had better learn to deal with it. What a wonderful, heart warming message! Awww…
Um, Night Rabbit, I think I said “plot defects”.
This falls under “higher sensibilities”.
Try again.
You too, Anahita
The Resident Evil movie. I’m never even going to see it because even the trailers make me scream at the characters. That, and because it’s based on a game - there’s a bad track record there.
“What? Big military sweep into the secret labs? Wait up, let me put a coat on over my nightie and I’ll join ya. Gimme a gun.”
The whole dramatic scene where the lead actress runs to a wall, spin-kicks off it, and delivers a jumpkick to a dog’s head: It’s a zombie dog! Any self respecting zombie worth its weight in hoodoo dust would ignore your feeble attempt to hurt it and bite your foot off in midair. Oh yeah, and curl your leg around so that when you land you’ll break your other ankle; that’s smart.
Whoever the tech was who decided the best user interface for an AI was “holographic little girl with exaggerated english accent” needs to be shot with a ballista. “Oi’ve been a bahd guhl.” Lines like that make baby HAL cry.
I dunno. I am pretty sure that I could pull it off 
This must be the most deserving multi-post ever. Not so much human error as Divine Interaction, IMO.
A Walk To Remember was unequivocally the WORST film I have ever, ever seen. Poor on every level, it has nothing to recommend it, it was patronising, trite, badly-acted, dogmatic, lacked any artistic or cinematographic values, just appalling, appalling, appalling.
BTW: the Move Review Query Engine is a wonderful way to read up on the shared derision and criticism of reviewers for various films. (And praise, where that is due).
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Just have to nominate Enrique Iglesias’s “Hero” as most obscenely awful song ever. I know we’re discussing films, but the damn thing is playing the background yet again, and I need to share my HATE for it. Thanks.
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I nominate Hollow Man as the worst movie ever made. First of all, it runs on the premise that any man, including a well educated scientist, would molest and rape women if assured they wouldn’t get caught. As a woman, I find that distasteful, if I were a man, I’d be pissed.
Secondly, it contains my least favorite movie cliche not once but TWICE. You have character A and B. They were once involved/married, but due to one of their workaholic tendancies, they split up. But there’s all this sexual tension there. So character A (usually the man) goes off to fight the monster/natural disaster/alien invasion and just before he’s out the door, character B says
“Hey there.” Character A turns. Character B says:
“Be careful out there.” Character A, overcome by emotion, nods. I reiterrate, this occured TWICE in Hollow Man.
Thirdly, Kevin Bacon is HUMAN. He’s just invisible. This does not explain how he can be SHOT, lit on FIRE and pushed down an ELEVATOR shaft and still survive to attack the “good” guys. If he were a monster, OK. If he were already dead, ala the Mummy, I could suspend my disbelief. But he was HUMAN. Bah.
Yes, a deserving multi-post. BTW, in case you didn’t notice, she didn’t exactly wither away. For being gone a month, she looked remarkably well-fed and relatively clean. Sure, a bit beat up here and there, but there was nothing to suggest she would just DIE when Ani got there. Except, of course, that Lucas wrote the scene. Great idea man–awful writer. 
Oh, man I hear you. I saw it with a friend, and to this day one of our inside jokes is to quote Keanu’s deadpan “I love you Victoria.” Ugh. Awful flick.
I thought Resident Evil was an entertainingly trashy sci-fi flick, but I had to laugh at the end, when they managed to put the heroine in even less clothing than she had worn throughout the movie. Should they make a sequel, I’m sure she’ll run around in some Band-Aids and a thong.
I couldn’t even watch all of Left Behind, despite the fact I was reading a book while I watched it in an effort to make it bearable. My mom wanted to rent it and I didn’t protest, as I was home for the weekend and trying to be nice. Leaving aside the hamfisted Biblical references, Kirk Cameron’s broadcast-journalist character annoyed the hell out of me. “When Buck’s after a story, he always get the story.” Great, now explain why Buck doesn’t seem to work for any particular network.
I couldn’t stand Good Will Hunting for all of the reasons I give in my review here:
Maybe the increase in the frequency of Ani’s dreams about her and his compulsion to go to her occurred, through the Force, because she was about to die.
You’re stretching, Pldennison. Really, really stretching. 
They’ve already made this movie - it was called The Fifth Element. Mmmm … Milla Jovovich … mmmm
Independence Day. A movie about mis/communication and in the end a computer virus is sent out to the mothership and spread to the other alien ships. And in bvetween there are no scenes involving the Internet, or even the SETI project?? The Internet is designed for emergencies such as this.
The Gates of Hell, the Beyond, and Zombie all pissed me off. I’m a big zombie fan, and having heard a lot about how wonderful Luccio Fulci’s movies were, I saw them expecting to be blown away. Never before had I seen such crap! Okay, I take that back, I’d seen a LOT of crap, and a hell of a lot of movies worse than these, but they still sucked ass. Horrible acting? Eh, they were poorly dubbed Italian movies from the seventies, what can you expect? The visual effects, I have to give it to him, they were great. The problem with them?:
It seems as though his movies were designed around a specific violent death. Zombie is famous for the eye piercing scene; Gates of Hell has the gratuitous drill throught he head bit (bad pun, bad!), and The Beyond had the crusifixion/acid bath scene. They were all really done well, but especially the drill scene, had no real point, were completely useless to the storyline (eh, the crusifixion worked), and simply nasty.
Also, two words: Teleporting. Zombies. What the FUCK? Zombies do NOT teleport. The slowly stumble around until they get close to food, then they dart and chew. They don’t go from under the stairs to behind the victim without moving, then ontop of a thirty foot fence, off of which they lunge and don’t splatter into goo?
And the fact his zombies SUCK!!! They hardly show any viciousness, even when they get close to a victim. Even when they do manage to bite someone, it’s half-assed. And then, they IMMEDIATELY go for the next victim. HUH? Zombies eat flesh. If they stumble onto a group of three, and manage to take one down, they’ll eat the one and worry about the others later. Not bite victim A in the throat, wait for them to bleed to death, then attack victim B and repeat.
GOD, he SUCKS!!!
Having just posted a rant about horrible zombie movies, I feel the need to say that I actually enjoyed the Resident Evil movie. The opening sequence was GREAT, and the zombies were really well done. If you’re going from the commercial, you should know, there’s only the only crappy shots like that were the two from the commercial (the dog jump kick thing and whatever the other really bad one was). And aside from the computer image and the CGI moster at the end, it was really a fun, and well done zombie movie. But those two aspects are separated from the whole zombie point of the movie, so just plan a few well placed bathroom breaks, and you’ve got a great film to watch with friends.
Ruffian you’re thinking about “A Walk in the Clouds,” which is truly a horrible movie. My best friend and I also have a joke about Keanu’s monotone declaration of love.
“A Walk to Remember” is a horrid Mandy Moore/Shane West piece of dreck that is even worse.
I nominate “Meet Joe Black.” Besides the fact that the movie was an hour and a half too long, and the fact that the scene where Brad Pitt is hit by a bus has such poor special effects that his death is comical, the man’s character works up more passion for peanut butter than he does for Claire Forlani. Which is fine, because he is the Grim Reaper, and I kept thinking, how plausible is it that Death is capable of loving a human? But we are supposed to believe that, and somehow Brad Pitt manages to convey absolutely no heat or passion whatsoever. The sex scene was good, but not good enough to make up for this movie.
Very well done review there! Brought up a number of interesting points I had not considered.
Ed Wood really pissed me off because it was such a waste of celluloid and my time.
Another nominee would be Star Wars Episode One solely because of the ever-annoying JarJar Binks. Eeeeeuuuuuccckkk!
Isn’t it just that Kevin Bacon (whatever his name was supposed to be) is twisted? He’s good at playing twisted.
Oh, and I would contribute, but if I started listing movies I hated the inconsistancies of I’d never stop. We do this EVERY time.
Haven’t seen this one myself, but a common theme in “invisible man” stories is that, freed from the strictures of social pressure, anyone will become an amoral monster. This has held true from the original Claude Rains movie all the way down through “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” There are exceptions (such as “Memoirs of an Invisible Man,” which is paradoxically both very good and stars Chevy Chase. They said it couldn’t be done…) but the idea stems not from a negative view of men, but from a very pessimistic conception of mankind.