I wasn’t sure which forum this would go into best, but since it involves both comic books and movies . . .
Spiders gross me out, so I’d like to be: SLOTHWOMAN!!
I’d wear a fur coat and three-fingered, hooked gloves. My powers would be amazing procrastination skills, hanging endlessly from tree branches till all danger has passed, and the ability to slow time down to a crawl while I sit there and think the situation over. My arch enemies tend to get bored and go home.
“Quick, off to the Sloth Cave! . . . Ah, no hurry . . .”
You realize, of course, that you’d also be covered in various forms of mold (sloths are usually found in hot, humid climates and their…er…slothfullness tends to make them not very particular as to hygene).
Me - I’d like to be The ATOMIC STALLION! I read recently that Seatle Slew sired hundreds and hundreds of foals. And since you can’t use artificial insemination to breed thoroughbreds (you can use the technique, but then the offspring aren’t officially thoroghbreds) that means that he covered hundreds and hundreds of mares. That sounds like a pretty good life - Eat, sleep, get your picture taken, and sire lots and lots of little ones.
“ATOMIC STALLION - there’s a an atomic bomb set to blow up the White House!” “Yeah, well, I’ve got this date in a few hours, and then I’m going to take a bit of a nap. Let’s see…after that I’m going to go hang out in the pasture for a while. Then the guy is coming from Sports Illustrated to snap some photos. Maybe I can go take a look then…no…wait a minute…after that I’ve got another date that they’re flying in from Ireland…say, can I get back to you about this bomb thing?”
Chameleon, just to become drunk with the power that being able to become invisible would give me. But i’d probably just end up with Googly eyes and a super long tounge.
All in all, Tarkas, probably not a bad thing. The long tongue, I mean.
Hero: An octopus. No broken bones to worry about, I’d have cool tenticles…
Or maybe a wolf
Villian: A rat or a hyena. It would lend itself to evil laughter quite well.
Duller than a Sergei Eisentein retrospective!
More obnoxious than Gap salesgirl!
Able to leap to ridiculous conclusions in a single bound!
Yes, it’s PRETENTIOUS GIRL! Bitten by a radioactive Philosophy and Film major at NYU, with obfuscation powers far beyond those of mortal men.
Pretentious Girl! Who can change the courses of mighty professors, bend minds with her discussions of Nietzschean influences in the pre-Wiemar films of Leni Riefenstahl! And who, disguised as a mild-mannered student for a great metropolitan college, fights the never-ending battle for Truth, Justice and the American Way . . . but what she really wants to do is direct!
I’d have to go with the dolphin. Fast, agile and all the worlds a playground.
And in every episode there’d be a river or a canal when the villain runs on land.
I think it would be neat to be bitten by a radioactive human!
Then I could adopt a Superhero alter ego and become…
Actually…that sounds a little redundant. What other names could I adopt?
“Evil-doers beware! Cower before the awesome power of…”
I will have awesome strength, speed, and intellect…unfortunately, I’ll be too lazy to fight crime and will opt instead to play video games all day and go out to eat at Sbarro’s every night.
I wouldn’t mind being bitten by a radioactive Kirsten Dunst…rrrrrrowr!
With my luck, I’d probably be bitten by a sea cucumber.
I want to be bitten by a radioactive Kryptonian.
I’d like to be bitten (or nibbled as the case may be) by Angel Grace from Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold.
Or perhaps, from an earlier era, Nancy Archer from Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.
I think I’d have to go with a radioactive dinosaur of some kind–preferably a small plant-eater of some kind, cause amazing dinosaur powers aren’t much use when you’re being digested.
According to The Onion, as Slothwoman you would also require a Titanium couch and you would have the ability to watch enough TV to kill 10 men.
All that would happen with me is a wicked urge to enter politics.
Goddam, did The Onion best me to it? I stopped reading it about a year ago, when they moved to New York and their “funny window” closed.
Radioactive barnacle, please, and a shopping cart to carry my genitals.
Let’s see… mild-mannered Peter Parker gets bitten by a radioactive spider. Parker ends up with a freaky looking costume, spider super-powers, the local newspaper editor holds a permanent grudge against his alter-ego, but on the bright side, the original spider dies.
In that case I’d have to go with a radioactive Newt Gingrich.
In one issue of a Marvel comic, Spiderman, ticked off at that day’s activities, grouses: “Some ays I wish I’d been bitten by a radioactive Water Buffalo!”
It makes you wonder.
I’d like to be bitten by a radioactive cat. I’d be able to climb all over the place, sleep 18 hours a day, lick myself, and women would scratch m behind my ears.