Unlike that thread, this question is aimed at persons of either sex. I wrote “preferred” in the subject title for reasons I should think are obvious.
No poll. Too many possible answers, and, anyway, who cares about the numbers here? You needn’t specify age & gender in your answer, but if you want to I won’t object.
Answering my own question…
Women sometimes tell me that I look strong or athletic. That doesn’t do much for me, partly because it’s obvious that I’m a big fellow and partly because it’s always a precursor to “Did you play football in college?” to which the truest answer is “I don’t even know the rules of football and find it incredibly boring.” Likewise when people tell me I sound smart or look smart, I’m bemused; I’m not even sure what looking smart is supposed to mean. But when a woman (or an especially good-looking dude) tells me she or he likes the way I look in a given suit … well, that’'d make me blush if I hadn’t had the relevant glands removed as a lad.
I’ve gone to the occasional science fiction and fantasy convention (con), and males always vastly outnumbered the females. Female congoers are therefore at a premium (see Sharyn McCrumb’s Bimbos of the Death Sun), and most of the male congoers are heterosexual. Or would like to be.
I’ve had my share of compliments on my looks, and I’ve heard them all before. But the ones who got my attention were the ones who will TALK to me like I’m actually a sentient being, not just an attractive and convenient place to deposit sperm. The men who have talked to me before asking for contact info always get it. The ones who just bluntly ask for my number or email don’t get it.
I have a brain and a body. A man must engage my brain before anything else. Now, he might have started the conversation because he’s interested in having sex with me, but if he’s polite enough to treat me as a real person then his odds of getting my number go way, way up.
Basically, I like men to treat me like they’d treat another man. I don’t go in for the whole holding the door open thing, or any of that chivalry, unless it’s something they’d do for another man. I mean, nowadays I DO need someone to hold a door open, because I’ve got my hands full and I’m kinda crippled up. But I don’t want a door held, or to be helped with my cloak, or anything like that, just because I’m a woman. Treat me like a PERSON who happens to be female.
Do you make cultural allowances? Because here in the South you’re likely to get doors held open for you by men regardless of sexual interest in you, at least from the plus-40 set.
from strangers: a very discreet appreciative checking out. If you’re being properly discreet I’ll probably be oblivious, but thems the breaks.
from acquaintances: a marked tendency to converse with me, especially on bookish and/or humorous topics with occasional subtle admiration for my cleverness and wit.
I do like doors being held and if men still wore hats I might go in for a little hat tipping as long as there was no leering.
from my husband: all of the above plus blatant ogling, shameless manhandling, lewd remarks and so on…
I cant believe how oblivious I used to be about women showing interest, so Ive got nothing.
In hindsight, talking to me long enough that my brain can realise they’re attracted rather than just making polite conversation. About 3 months seems to have been the right amount.
If a guy asked me “how was your day?” and then listened as I said how my day was and then asked a follow-up question instead of just launching into talking about himself…I would probably ask him to marry me.
ANY kind of attention that doesn’t involve: “Hey you poor guy, pity to be in a wheelchair!” As long as she doesn’t condescend to my disability, I’ll take what I can get!
Not too far afield, I find it most flattering when women try to converse with me about something interesting in an amicable fashion. That is, not trying to one-up me on some subject about which they may know more, not trying to interrogate me like a journalist – having a good conversation. If she’s appealing to me – not necessarily physically – then some good-humored flirtation. this last is flattering whether I’ve been thinking about screwing her or not.
Any conversation in which someone from the preferred team/teams shows some interest in my lifestyle, hobbies, or job. A compliment about some random physical attribute I have isn’t unwelcome, but doesn’t really open any line of communication.
If someone gets my 7th Dan Geek Tattoo, that’s a good start Extra points then follow if they take the time to talk to me, and don’t seem turned off by my various quirks. A little touching on the arm or back is very nice too, but only after we’ve been talking a while and if I give out the signals like hair-toying or touching my mouth.
Yes, I do. I live in Texas, which is sometimes classified as the American South, and sometimes as the Southwest, and around here, people just habitually hold the door open if someone is following them, and it doesn’t matter what sex the people involved are. I was taught that it’s rude to let the door slam in someone else’s face, as were a lot of kids were when I was growing up.
As I am currently in an awesome relationship, all attention from the opposite sex is unwanted and will be summarily ignored! looks over shoulder That’s the ticket, yessir.
Polite persistence, but also directness. Wow, I couldn’t help notice you… {are nailed that icing call before the whistle, are wearing a pin from an obscure indie band, got my nerdy pun t-shirt, whatever… would you like to …(some activity) sometime?
Guys, if you just come to talk to me about something I assume you are friendly and nice, but I don’t always leap to “he must be interested” in me. I am not traditionally attractive, so I usually think people are talking to me like a friend/sister/sadly now, a “mom” Actually asking if I would like to go get a cup of coffee or something is a good swat with a clue stick.
oh and etv if I am just walking through a mall or whatever and I see you in your wheelchair and smile and say “hey that’s a funny bumper sticker” or" crappy weather we are having," or “careful the pavement is very uneven up there” or “hello” is that ok? My ex husband, although not in a wheel chair had a noticable disability and he used to acknowledge every disabled person he saw, and I have picked up the habit.
I agree with the physical contact. And I say this knowing that some people (including one of my best female friends) are just naturally very touchy-feely, so it certainly doesn’t necessarily mean romantic interest. But if you are touching me, you can bet I’ll at least be paying attention at that point.
Extra points then follow if they take the time to talk to me, and don’t seem turned off by my various quirks. A little touching on the arm or back is very nice too, but only after we’ve been talking a while and if I give out the signals like hair-toying or touching my mouth.
Something like that.