Species 25: the “Expert”
Synonym: Alleged authority, self-proclaimed diety of the field.
Geography: Anywhere where their “field of expertise” (read: hobby) may crop up…which is potentially everywhere
Habits: Excessive use of coding. Lame references to in-jokes. Self-references constantly.
Mating call: You’re doing what? No, no, do it this way! And see my numerous threads on the topic!
Sample thread: “The only way to <insert activity>”
Advantages: Occasionally brings useful knowledge.
Disadvantages: Arrogance.
Warning: When reading posts by “the Expert”, eyes are in danger of completely rolling out of one’s head.
Sheesh. You start one damn orgy thread and people just don’t let it go…
<flounces off, wielding cock ring>
Aha, I’ve found my niche.
I am a #23 and #24 (I never preview my posts and this thread reminds me of something… )
You didnt do the Foreign Poster or Teenage Poster yet. I am both. As for advantage and disadvantages. I am just the best. And my bad grammar just makes you guys feel better about your typos, doesnt it? It does. Definitely. Without me you d all feel sooooooo bad…
Species Foreign Poster
Synonym: BornDodgy, anything Engrish
Geography: Not specified
Mating call: I dont know the proper English for this, sorry
Habits: telling about moving to an English speaking coutnry, asking people to translate their resume and application letter…
Sample thread: Please - I need your help!
Advantage: Who needs sleeping pills if they got a foreigner?
Disadvantage: Will whine about living in other country than boyfriend does. Will complain about boyfriend using a word she doesnt know and damnit! The dictionary doesnt have it either!!!
dodgy
Species: What have you done for me lately?
Synonym: WWF4eva / KornRulez! / WarezKing1678
Geography: GQ, ATMB
Habits: Asking stupid questions in the wrong place, complaining because nobody answer within ten minutes, complaining when their thread disappears off the first page.
Mating call: Hey, can u guyz email me the answer cuz some1 keepz deleting my stuff?
Sample threads: “Do English people have cars?” / “Can someone explain slavery in less than 300 words?” / “How do I find hacking tools?” / “ANSWER MI QUESTION!!!”
Advantages: Uh, I’ll get back to you on that.
Disadvantages: Whinily ballistic if they feel patronised or if their questions aren’t answered within a few seconds.
Disclaimer: I’m not thinking of anyone here in this group.
Unreliable? UNRELIABLE??? “May offend”? You got that right. 
(Thanks for saying I’m more fun than a barrel of monkeys though. 
)
Species: Hit and Run
Geography: Any, but IMHO and MPSIMS are the most frequent.
Habits: Posting an answer, and never checking back for replies. Posting repeats of their answer because they forgot they posted it (this is due to the fact that they post quickly).
Mating call: Oops. I forgot I already said that.
Advantages: They’re fast little buggers.
Disadvantages: Tend to forget they posted at all. Seems like you’re in a bad re-run.
I’m like this sometimes, unfortunaley.
I’m like this sometimes, unfortunaley. Ooops. I forgot I already said that.
Hey Doc!
Get your heinie over to the Drop In Clinic right away. They’re already lining up for your words of wisdom.
I am a former Lurker who wants to be a Genius, but keeps being outsmarted by the real Geniuses and has to settle for being a Flipper.
But I am definitely not Sexually Repressed. The fact that I haven’t had sex in a long time is a matter of choice. Okay, it was usually her choice, but there was definitely choice involved.
I appear to be primarily a mix of 7 (Skeptical Enquirer) and 12 (Schizoid). I avoid GD and the Pit like the plague, though, preferring GQ, MPSIMS, and IMHO (where one doesn’t get called on one’s blather quite so often). There are unquestionably hints of other breeds present though…I think I’ll wait and see if anyone else cares to point them out in the other thread
And my didgeridoo is acoustic, &@^^!*
(Better easily baited than sexually repressed, I suppose…)
Species: The Pervert
Pseudonym: Haywood Jablomie, Phil McCrevice
Geography: SDMB search engine (“Let’s see…find all threads containing ‘orgy’ and ‘Pantyhose.’”)
Habits: Misspelling words (due to one-handed typing), posting very late at night
Mating Call: “Hey, FundieDoper, I’ve got some really interesting links to share with you…”
Sample Thread: Pros and Cons of Clown Felching, Famous People Whose ******* You’d Eat
Advantages: Quickly banned, knows some…er…interesting websites
Disadvantages: Absolutely disgusting
Disclaimer: I’ve never seen such a Doper.
Speaking of Foreign Posters:
Species: Foreign Poster 2
Synonym: Ex-pat, Continental, Over There
Geography: MPSIMS and anywhere outside North America
Mating call: The next time you’re in the neighborhood…
Habits: Reminding people how much cooler it is to live outside the US; trying desperately to make people believe it
Sample thread: Let’s have a Paris Dopefest!
Advantage: Can give useful travel tips. Different time zone location means they post outside peak use hours.
Disadvantage: Will drop geographical references as often as possible. Likely to be considered smug by Dr_Paprika. May put you off visiting wherever they happen to live.
The Flipper
and Sweetness and Light
But I absolutely hate most daytime television, and I can occasionally be found at GD, GQ, IMHO, and the BBQ Pit.
This is a really cool thread, and highly imaginative. I don’t think anyone has done this before. Good going, Dr. Paprika!
:: obligatory smilie character, in keeping with profile type ::
----:)/
----///\\
Species: Lovelorn Poet
Synonym: Squishy, Wanna-be, Pathetic
Geography: MPSIMS
Mating call: “The beauty of your post astounds me.”
Habits: Lyrical prose, wordiness, annoyingly tender pleas that “we all just get along”.
Sample thread: “SDMB reminds me of an onion…”
Advantage: Is not afraid to cry.
Disadvantage: Will do so continually.
Bonus: Will actually respect you in the morning.
Warning: Will insist on reading you a poem about it.
Thank you, jr8, I was just about to post that. Now I know where I belong. Or as they say here in Japan…
–sublight.
[David Attenborough]
Disclaimer: Wild Women Out of Control are unreliable since they have a tendency to drive off cliffs. Well Silver Fire is clearly a member of this species, driving off cliffs is only one sign and is not displayed in all (or even a majority) of members.
[/David Attenborough]
I’m a Newbie. I really don’t see how people who’ve been members for a year have thousands of posts. I’ll be surprised if I break 100 posts by the end of this year. I aspire to be a Class Clown, though. We’ll see.
I read this thread this morning and thought Dr. Paprika would be taken to the pit. I was sure someone would see themselves in one or more species and would take offense. It is now afternoon and there aren’t any pit threads roasting the good Doctor.
A very good thread Dr. Paprika, I think it makes each of us take a look at ourselves and identify what species we fit into.
Jeez…can’t belive you missed my species…i guess i’ll do the werk for you.
The Loveable Prick
Synonym:Wet Crab, Flacid Mongoloid, Eusocialistic Scrawny Boy
Geography:All Forums…especially IMHO
Habits:Rambling, renouncing his/her ethnicity, lookin for threads about topics that he/she can answer with utmost certainty, showing of his/her knowledge in elite areas of music, film, and literature.
Mating Call:" Hey honey, check these PANTS out!!!"
Sample threads:“Monkey Seeking Fudge Robots”
Advantages:Can be Entertaining, may offer some valid info, damn sexy.
Disadvantages:Can be annoying, often times ramblings make no sense, may hit on you.
Disclaimer: They’re a good breed…but they’re sterile.
HalberMensch, I know you see yourself as a unique part of the phylum, but I warn you this tends to be shared by Egotists, Performance Artists and the Schizoid. Hop over to the clinic for a complete assessment.