thankyou all so much for your advice, and it all makes sense. flight, you hit the nail on the head with that post. i do suffer from NGS to a degree, but not too severely. i have über low self-esteem anyway, which never helps, but i’m working on it. i chose a new hairstyle that doesnt look so crap (i have long-ish hair that looks sooo bad just hanging down!!!), just got a super-cool student job and i’ve got gigs coming up that our band is playing at, so it’s all looking up for once. i’m no longer sad, that went away about 2 days after she fucked me about the first time. since then i was just angry, as angry with myself as with her, but it’s all been turned around onto her since just before i wrote the OP last night. thanks all of you 
omni, i assure you that it’s the story as it happened. i’ve never seen any point in biasing a story one way, cos it all comes crashing down when the other person puts in their tuppence worth…
oh, and i reckon you might be right Rube, but it doesnt matter whether you are or not. i’d rather chainsaw my own head off than say yes to her
Once again, big thanx to all!!!