Why can't you just let the bitch go?

The BBQ Pit
1

Look, I know you were with the girl for two years, but you’re not anymore, you’re with ME now. So why can’t you just let the bitch go?

You say that she made you miserable for two years. You say that the lazy bitch didn’t even work, and that you worked 10 hours a day to support the pile of steaming dog crap. You said that she picked fights with you and was dumber than the fleas living on your cat. Not to mention looking as if she had a few too many run ins with the ugly stick.
You say your family and friends hated her. You mom offered to pay your sister to fly up there and beat the bitches ass!

You say that you’ve been in love with me for the past four years and now that I’m back in your life, you would do anything to keep me in it. That you were leaving her and moving out here to be with me.

I believed you.

So you move out here and what happens? SHE FOLLOWS YOU! The bitch actually FOLLOWS you and stays in the same house you were staying in! You say you feel sorry for her and wish her no ill harm. That you wish no one any ill harm. You talk to her every now and again just to see how she is.

Then you fucked her.

Yup. That’s right, we were together only 3 months and on the first night she was here, YOU FUCKED HER. Couldn’t even wait 24 hours? Guess you were missing the old destructive cycle huh? Gotta little masochist in ya?

But that wasn’t enough for you. No no. You had to have spent the last MONTH before she got here writing erotic emails to her! This after JUST having a conversation with me about my feeling uncomforatable with her here and you saying that even if we weren’t together you STILL wouldn’t touch her and looking me STRAIGHT IN THE EYE and saying that you’ve never lied to me. Spent 4 years pining after me and stepped out on me at the first chance you got. Then LIED to me. You say it was a mistake and that you were sorry.

What was sorry was those pathetic emails. After printing them out, making spelling corrections and putting them on the hood of your car while you were at work, I decided that was IT. No more.

Then you threated to kill yourself. Yawn. As if I hadn’t heard that before. But knowing that I HAD broken up with someone who afterward slashed his wrists (didn’t die) you knew I couldn’t walk away from that. So I talked you down, spent the next week on suicide watch and decided to be your friend just to be safe.

Then being the stupid, lonely, naaive chick that I am, I take you back, thinking that you deserved a second chance. Everyone does.

So why do you KEEP TALKING ABOUT HER?? You mention her at LEAST once a day! You think saying “whats her name” instead of her name makes it okay? Then, after telling you that I had run into my X at this resteraunt I had gone to where apparently he works at now, you tease me constantly about going in there and checking him out. But when you had mentioned that Forest Slut had gotten a job and I asked where, you said you didn’t know.

YOU LIED AGAIN.

You do fucking too know, your sorry ass let it slip tonight. THEN, when I ask where, you WON’T TELL ME! You think i’m actually going to go in there and start some shit. Thanks for the confidence in my maturity. I don’t even CARE where she works, I just care that you won’t fucking tell me. Because YOU don’t trust ME. You lie to me, you cheat on me, then you tell me YOU don’t trust ME.

Honey, the only ass I wanna kick is YOURS. Motherfucker.

2

Goddamn.

Goddamn.

3

Incredible. This guy needs to be kicked in the balls until he spits blood. You probably don’t need to be told this, but dump his sorry ass and find someone who won’t treat you like shit, honey. ::hugs to lezlers::

4

lezler, You only have control over what YOU do. You cannot control what other people think, feel, or do. So instead of asking yourself, “Why can’t you just let the bitch go?” you need to ask yourself, “Why can’t I just let this asshole go?” Or, “Why do I love a man who is unstable, untrustworthy, and emotionally unavailable?”

Good luck finding someone who is worthy of your attention.

5

Very true Lisa, very true. So why CAN’T I let this asshole go?

6

I dunno. But you definitely need to find a way.

7

Because you have a need to be hurt/lied to. Because the familiarity of his BS is preferable to being alone and not knowing what will happen next. At least you have the security of a known situation, rather than the insecurity of freedom from him.

Harsh? Yes,it is.

Now that I’ve got your attention, please listen. A person who cheats and lies will (almost) never stop, lezlers. Get him out of your life NOW before you start accepting this behaviour. He’s playing games (probably not consciously) and you’re letting him. If it goes on too long, even if you move on from him, you’ll be conditined to seek it out in the next relationship.

Move on now, before it’s too late.

8

Ya know, this is the first time I’ve posted the same link twice in one day. (Caution: site contains adult language.)

Good luck with your relationship.

9

lezlers,

you have my sympathy and I’m sorry you had to go through that…

But damnit, VERY VERY few people deserve a second chance after they’ve hurt someone they were supposed to care about.

Hell, he’s already been betraying your trust left and right before he slept with her.

Report him to the IRS, block his phonenumber and forget about him.

10

If the guy threatens to commit suicide, hand him a gun/knife/pills/rope/ or whatever is handy and will get the job done. If he takes himself out, get over it. If he doesn’t, then he can no longer control you with that particular threat. See how easy it is?

11

Bin him.

BIN HIM.

12

lezlers, my ex used to talk incessantly about his ex. about how much she hurt him, and how evil she was, and all of the awful things she did to him. and how she came over while i was gone and tried to get him into bed. or how she said that her new fiancé (and the father of her child) was a “poor replacement for you.”

i thought she was a bitch.

then, our relationship turned bad. he decided that i was cheating on him with one of my guy friends. he became insane, forbidding me from seeing this guy or any of my other friends that he didn’t like who he thought would help me get with the new guy. pretended to attempt suicide, and then cleaned out our bank account when that little stunt sent me running to a friend’s house. i mean, literally, walked out of the bathroom with a bloody rag tied around his wrist and went straight to the bank.

now he says all of the same stuff about me that he said about her. i have a new life, a new fiancé, and a new baby on the way. i am so much better without him. and you would be so much better without this asshole, too.

13

Thank you everybody for your kind words. I was laying in bed this morning going through all of my past relationships in my head. You know something? THEY’RE ALL THE SAME GUY. That’s right, same guy, different bodies. The problem obviously lies in me. So my question now to you is, does anyone have any effective “get over the relationship WITHOUT answering the phone” tips, or any advice on how to break the pattern?

14

abuse_angel should probably answer this - sounds like she’s been successful.

Me, I’ve given up - but you don’t have to.

15

I think the fact that you have realized what you’re doing is the first, biggest step towards doing things differently, lezlers. Congratulations on that. A lot of people go their entire lives making bad choices and blaming everyone else for them. In my opinion, talking to a counsellor would be the next step. Someone who is trained in helping you change thought patterns and behaviours that aren’t getting you where you want to go. Or, if not a counsellor, maybe a self-help book or two. Definitely take this realization to heart, BUT don’t be too hard on yourself; we all make bad choices; the trick is to learn from them.

16

lez.

A few tips, like you requested.

Spend some time positively, absolutely, single. Single. Independant. Your own. Get hobbies and do them. Stay up all night watching your favorite movies and hogging the remote. Get your favorite foods and cook them your way. Be a selfish bitch and revel in it until you have some clue of what you deserve. Enjoy who you are and take care of yourself better than you have ever taken care of anyone else.

Date if you want, but don’t get monogamus until you are sure that this possible will make you at least as happy with him as you are on your own.

Self love and confidence do amazing things. When you know what it feels like to be treated well (albit by yourself) no one will be able to give you shit and tell you that you are supposed to like it.

And if you ever want to e-mail me, feel free.

17

Cough…

This little line is where all of my relationship problems stem from.
I can’t wrap my head around the concept of dating someone but it still being ok to sleep with whatever will put out. It doesn’t matter if you’ve only been on one date or are getting married in 2 days, YOU DON’T CHEAT ON THE PERSON YOU ARE SEEING!
Apparently very few people share my understanding of dating. At least on the plus side I’ll never had to explain to my gf that I cheated on her.

18

CRorex, the “cheat” in cheating comes from lying, not any particular action. If no one is lied to–if the person you had coffee with on Tuesday iunderstands that you are not seeing them exclusively–then there is no cheating going on. I agree with you 100% that people need to have the same expectations.

Furthermore, might I sugest that you follow Medea’s suggestion as well? In a recent thread you said you’d had six horrible relationships in your life and you are 28. To me, that says you haven’t spent enough time single. I really believe that everyone should have at least one solid year of total and complete singlehood after their 21st birthday. Once you know you can be single, celebate, and happy all at he same time, you become much less vunerable to manipluation.

19

May I post a few tidbits also, learned the hard way?

It’s easy to forgive someone. It makes you feel loving, caring, and completely superior. You feel good knowing that you were willing to put yourself out on a limb for this person. It’s hard to tell them to get lost. You feel like a bitch. And you spend hours (or in my case, weeks) thinking about if you were wrong, if you were too harsh, if he (or she) deserved a second chance.

But it is stupid, stupid, stupid! If he’s late for diner, forgive him, if he’s not so good at picking up after himself, forgive him, but if he betrays you knowingly and repeatedly, dump his sorry ass! He and others like him count on your need to feel like a good person, and manipulate you into thinking that a good person would be forgiving and kind.

A good person would have poisoned him long ago.

mischievous

20

CRorex, here’s where definitions come in. In general I use the term “Dating” as just that…wandering out for dinner or a movie or coffee and a chat about Plato. Any one on one social situation outside of school or work. (Being invited to go to a party “with” someone could also be a date.) “Seeing” someone is different. “Seeing” someone implies a commitment, terms up to the individuals involved, but probably monogamus.

Coffee, no matter how fun or how late we stayed out, does not give anyone the right to be my SO, my boyfriend, my monoagamus partner through life. Its a date, not marriage. You can date multiple people without hurting anyone and still being “available”…as long as everyone involved knows that’s what you’re doing.

Once you get to the point that you’re spending every Friday with Guy A, so much so that you just show up at the coffee shop without confirming beforehand…its probably time to get rid of Guys B and C and take a good, long look at Guy A. If you tell Guy A that there are no Guys B and C, you’re cheating. And, please believe me when I say this, cheating is truly stupid, immoral, and wrong. If you don’t want to be with who you are with, dump them. The rules here are pretty loose, do whatever you want, just be honest about it. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, but you can put one cake down and go for another.

And, you might want to take note that I said nothing about sleeping with anyone. Different people deal differently with casual sex. If you can’t keep it casual, don’t try. Just accept that you need a relationship around the sex and refuse to have sex until the relationsip is there. If you can keep it casual and have found someone who is also interested in a bit of friendly benefits, keep it casual. Trying to drag them into a relationship is playing bait and switch and is wrong and implies that you are a person of type a. (There’s nothing wrong with either of thses types of people. I have been both. Currently, I’m mostly of the first type, though I may just be prefering my casual sex to be with the guy I’m in a relationship with.)

And lezlers, you may seriously want to look at ditching this guy, just to re-iterate the important point. Only you can find that answer, but from the outside, with what you have shared it’s something to consider.

Manda Jo has a great point “Once you know you can be single, celebate, and happy all at the same time, you become much less vunerable to manipluation.” When you see yourself as a valuble, happy, strong individual the people who prey on weakness will avoid you as too big a fish. Bad people like to hook up with weak people thet they can control. If you are strong on your own, and know it, blood is no longer in the water. You’ll get some wack jobs who’ll try, but you’ll also be able to see what they are doing and tell them where to shove it with out worrying about it. (“Yea, I know you’re hurt, I know you’re sorry, and, honey, I know you’re never going to do it to me again. Cuz I’m gone, you lost me, now you have three choices: go latch on to someone you can drain the life force from who’s weaker than I am, grow the hell up and get your own self worth, or get dragged into court with a restraining order. I’d prefer B, I’ll live with A, and if you really want C…just push me. Now Shoo.”)

[sub]At least I’ve learned something from life…[/sub]