ok, lemme explain the whole thing. i’ve been single (in the never been kissed sense of the word) for like 4 years. this girl i go to university with liked me, and i liked her too. since uni was breaking up for summer, we agreed not to do anything before summer, cos she lives about 300 miles from me. about 1 1/2 weeks later, she tells me that actually she prefers this other guy she was going nowhere with, and promptly just drops me, cant see why i’m upset (i’ve been single 4 years, remember? and i really liked her), and takes it out on me…
cut to 3 weeks later, and she’s just been online telling me she’s pissed off and unhappy with said guy. he’s being all jealous and insecure about the whole thing. for some stupid reason, i try and patch it up. why i wasnt taking my chance to kick her while she’s down i dont know…
anyway, she starts getting all ‘weak’ along the lines of ‘i love him but i hate all the fights. he’s so insecure, and i cant deal with it’. at this point i begin to get pissed off and tell her to get a grip, and that if things are that bad she should get rid of him, if it’s truly that bad.
she then starts taking it all out on me instead of on him. guess i hit the core of it, and she didnt like it. but i’m now bearing the brunt of the assault, and tomorrow one or the other of them will apologise to each other (she never apologised for what she did to me) and everything will be ok between them, until she looks at someone in the ‘wrong’ way again…
help me out here. am i simply being paranoid? do i have the right to be pissed off? i should point out that i’m not telling her to split cos i want her back (i dont), but cos she’s taking shit then i’m getting it, and i would just not take the shit in the first place. and why the FUCK am i standing on my own neck to try and sort it out? what the fuck is wrong with me? why am i doing this to myself???
Here’s the best advice you’ll ever get.
Run. Run now. Run far. There are other women out there who won’t get their jollies off of keeping you around as a backup to emotionally manipulate as soon as they’ve got a bit of free time on their hands.
Leave it alone, completely. You’ll find it’s quite satisfying to tell someone to quit calling you because you aren’t interested in their dramaqueen rhetoric.
thanx guys. i do intend to leave as well alone as i can, altho the problem is we’re both in the same university society, and i sure as fuck aint leaving or missing meetings for her. but at the same time, i really dont wanna see the bitch there. i have more right to be there (it’s a music(ish) society and i’m much more heavily into the type of music it’s all about than she is, fuckin preppy bitch). jeezus!!! why cant people who fuck me over just disappear without trace?
yeah, i just have a major problem with this. i dont just let people tread on my neck, i also end up in the most amazing yoga position of doing it myself. is there something wrong with me? i just couldnt bring myself to say ‘you made me feel worse than that, taste the pain’ or anything like that. i still cant now… help…
You can still see her around at meetings and not play into her little game.
You just have to accept it for what it really is.
An insecure young woman who needs someone “waiting in the wings” so that she doesnt have to spend even one night feeling alone. It’s a painfully common trend among young women and you don’t need to enable her to continue this sort of behavior.
If you can’t run, at least ignore her. She’s just another girl that isn’t worth it.
Send her an e-mail telling her you can’t have sex with her any more. The jealous, control freak boyfriend almost certainly spies on her e-mail. Hilarity ensues.
You need to get away from this bird anyway, you might as well get a laugh out of it.
Absolutely sound advice in this thread. Fake indifference when you see her, only pay her the minimum attention required not to breech the social rules. Hell, in college you’re surrounded by women, pick one and turn your focus to her for a while.
I say fight fire with fire. All the above advice is excellent and you should heed. Given that you are struggling to resist the urge to kick her when she’s down… play her back. E-mail her about the wonderful (yet fictional) beautiful, emotionally MATURE woman you’ve met. Tell her how great the sex is. Tell her you’re thinking of proposing. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. One of two things will happen: A) the green jealously monster will kick in and you’ll have her undivided attention. She sounds like the kind of person who might want what is unavailable to her. Or, B) She’ll back off and leave you alone and you can go about finding someone who is more emotionally evolved.
Who knows, you might actually meet someone better. It’s like finding a job… much easier to get one if you already have one. I tend to not be asked out until I have a boyfriend. The second I’m committed to someone, ten other guys start asking me out and I have to turn them all down. Send out the “I’m already attached and therefore, unavailable to you” vibe.
Jesus people. There is no need for playing stupid games with it. It will only drag the thing out for him and give him something to feel guilty for. Why would you want to do something specifically to hurt her? It is just something that will come back and bite you in the ass. It didn’t work out, whether because she is as insane as many of my exes of for another reason, so move on.
Be polite, but there is no need to listen to her bitch about things. That being said, you suffer from “nice guy syndrome”. You think, oh those women keep falling for the guys that are bad for them and we good guys never get any action because we aren’t willing to do the horrible things… blah blah blah. I may be overstating the case as you never actually said any of that, but you have the symptoms. So, move on and ask someone out this week. Doesn’t matter who. A date of any kind will do wonders for your self confidence… especially after having been jerked around by a woman like that.