Husband working on taxes: Damn, this is hard!
Me: Said the schoolgirl to the priest!
Husband trying to clear blocked kitchen drain: Jeez, there’s all kinds of crud jammed in here!
Me: Said the priest to the schoolgirl!
It’s amazing how the most mundane of comments can be made naughty with that phrase.
I’ve heard a third part to this one:
What do you call a deer with no legs, no eyes, and no balls?
Still no fucking eye-deer.
No, no, no!
It’s “What’s worse than a dozen dead babies in a dumpster?”
“One dead baby in a dozen dumpsters.”
All of my personal favorites have already been covered, but I had to make that correction.
Fine, but surely the first of the two is worse? Twelve victims compared with one (brutalised) victim?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go kill some joy over this way.
But trust me, she has it coming 
a WHOLE coca-cola bottle?!
My friend K and I have the following exchange almost daily:
K: Hey, what time is it?
(Pause)
Me: Time to get a watch!
Then we both just lose it. Now she asks what time it is just to hear the reply, and it’s always funny.
These have been mentioned already, but “your mom”, “that’s what she said”, and “don’t call me Shirley” elicit laughter every time. The more inappropriate or nonsensical, the better.
Example:
Person: It’s such a crappy day out today.
Me: Your mom’s a crappy day out today.
Person: 
Me: Bwahaha!
I’m a dork.
Your mom makes very little sense! 
waves with left hand Why doesn’t the Queen wave with this hand?
I don’t know
Because it’s mine!
What’s green and invisible?
I don’t know
holds out hand, palm uppermost This cabbage!
A grasshopper hops into a bar.
Bartender: “Hey, we’ve got a drink named after you!”
Grasshopper: “You’ve got a drink named Bob?”