“Oh fuck!”
I’m having some really painful knee problems, and the worst pain is when I get up and attempt to stand.
I’ve got wicked plantar fasciitis. Those were my first words today, too.
In a similar vein:
Not the face! Not the face!
“Why are using a power tool at 7:15 in the morning on a Saturday?”
Stupid carpenter across the street. The guy has been working on the neighbor’s house for TWO YEARS.
Yep. I woke up swearing this morning, because ALL the animals decided to annoy me. First the dog was thumping her enormous tail against the bed, making the bed shake, so the first thing I said was “Will you get your damn dog out of here for the love of god?” The dog was taken out, then the cats started, so the next thing I said was, “Tasha, stop growli…MARS! Stop jumping on her! Goddammit!” Then I nearly stepped on cat #3 when I got up to chase the other two out.
“Time to get up, girls. I’m making pancakes.”
It’s one of my all time favourites too. I was pleased to see it on this morning’s list.
Baby, stop licking me!
spoken to my dog, who was licking me to wake me up for his morning walk
“White rabbit”, what do I win?
alarm goes off. I surface enough to be vaguely aware that it’s going off, but not enough to do anything about it. Oni no Husband comes into the room from the living room to turn it off
Me: Are you coming in to wake me up for work?
Oni no Husband: No…
Me: Good, cause it’s Saturday! in a triumphant tone of voice Now, I’m going to sleep some more, okay?
OnH: Okay…
why’d all you cats follow me into the bathroom?
The first words out of my mouth this morning were, in fact, “Hey! Good morning!”, said to my eight year old son as he came down the stairs. It’s Sunday and I was the first one out of bed.
I am not a morning person, so on weekdays the first words out of my mouth may be unpleasant to unprintable. Good thing you asked this on a weekend 
It’s 11.50 am, I’ve been up for about an hour and a half, and I haven’t spoken yet. I’m now introducing an auction to bid for what the first words out of my mouth on September 21st will be. Taking all bids, bidding will conclude when I get bored or someone suggests something interesting to say.
Lately waking up, going to bed, leaving the house, coming home, entering stores, eating, or any other action comes with a kind of resigned sigh of “fuuuuuuuuuck”, as I realize that not only am I doing what I am doing, but I’m doing it in a world where I can’t understand anything that goes on around me (China). Not that I’m not having a great time, but the “fuuuuuck” kind of steels myself for the challenges ahead.
So yeah, that was my first word this morning.
“Get down from there!”
I was telling one of my cats to get off of the kitchen counter.
" 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe…"
Alive, woohoo, still alive.
Taken. Said.
“Aaahhh damn… Steph…” 
Translation: I’m still getting over a break-up and having trouble with sleep. Overall it has been getting better but the mornings are tough as I wake up and feel really sad over missing her. Once my day gets going and I’m busy, I’m okay but at night and the quiet of the morning I really feel the loss.
MeanJoe
Cool! What did I win?