I think mine would be “Nitpicks Annoyingly”. Either that, or “Eats Hummus”.
Back when “Dances With Wolves” was in the theater, my wife and I gave each other such names.
Due to alleged flatulence (it was the dog, I swear!), my wife dubbed me “Clears The Room.”
Due to the fact that going to a museum or zoo with my wife is a very very slow experience (as she must fully read every sign, fully examine every exhibit), I dubbed her “Looks At Things.”
Talks Good Game.
“Fumbles with strippers”?
“Can’t Find Glasses”
I observed recently that if you almost literally translate people’s names back to their original meanings (generally from multiple languages) you end up with things not very different from the sorts of translated names that you find among American Indians (and other groups that geneally get names translate, rather than simply rendered phonetically). To me it shows the universality of name types. It’s just kinda fortuitous that the two unrelated halves of our names – which weren’t picked for their meaning relative to the other half – just work out pretty well.
So if you translate my first and last names into English, you get Crowned Wolf.
My wife becomes Forest Girl
Our daughter is Free-born, Re-born Forest Wolf
Eats Shoots And Leaves (with or without commas).
Summer Flowers.
That’s what my Mohawk grandmother-in-law named me, so I’d stick with it.
Given that own choice, the name on all my posts here.
In my case it’s something like Lightbringer Wolf from (littleplace). Because of the lastname, the Bros and I consider that tacky stuff with wolves on it is a perfect “I was traveling and thought of you” gift 
Hangs Out With Dogs
Runs with scissors
Names do not necessarily have to start with a verb in the third person singular. Here are some of the names on the HS football team roster in Browning, Montana:
Harold Tailfeathers
Johnny Glenn Still Smoking
Ryan Long time sleeping
Dieon Madplume
Virgil Taken Alive
Gabe Young Running Crane
Sonny Heavy runner
Clint Not Afraid
Speaks in C++
Stares at Screen
For years I have joked that my wife’s DWW name would be “Only Eats Half”, because she has this odd habit of only eating half of something when she is snacking. Like she’ll cut a banana in half and only eat one half, or take a slice of bread and tear it in half, eat one half and put the other back in the bread bag.
Mine would probably be Yells At Traffic Lights.
My IRL name, per CalMeacham, roughly translates to “Clan Scribe”
::stops and thinks::
::looks at SDMB username::
::stops and thinks::
Hmm.
Woman With Sharp Tongue.
Using the CalMeacham translating technique: Golden Song of Joy.
The Hebrew name bestowed upon my in an attempt to make nice with that side of the family translates as Beautiful Life
Nobleman Uglyhead
Thanks, CalMeacham
One Bite Left
Refuses to Dust
It suits me. 