Hah! I knew it! Nearly everyone who viewed this thread posted a reply. Thanks for reinforcing my convictions on how the denizens of the Dope think!
That’s pretty much what I was thinking; and it’s the advice I’ve been given by my friends as well. NinetyWt: Thanks, though I think it was just me being me!
Oh, I’m not apologising for doing anything wrong, because I know I haven’t. I’d be apologising for an awkward situation, but I don’t think I’m going to do that as most people seem to think it would just exacerbate the awkardness.
I think the ball’s-in-her-court feel nixes that one. I’d rather not come across as needy or stalker-ish, even if it’s a casual, low-pressure situation.
I think that’s pretty much what I’m going to do at this point. If there’s some interest, she’s going to have to let me know.
Agreed. That’s the impression I had as well, and if she’s Just Not Into Me, then that’s too bad. I’m quite happy to be adult about it all. I think making another move might be interpreted badly. I’m going to chat with her as normal, and we’ll see what happens. I’m just wondering whether asking about the gallery opening would be seen as a bit… I don’t know, rubbing it in that I asked her out. If she mentions it, then I’ll talk about it, but I’m not going to bring up the zoo visit (because I’m going anyway, with a friend) or the gallery opening without good reason.
Next class be sure to ask out another girl right in front of her.
I’m kidding, of course…
I agree w/ the posters that think she might be interested and that she really did have a conflict. Keep up the conversations and see if some flirting occurs. If she gets cold towards you and seems to be purposefully avoiding anything to show interest, then it’s safe to move on. For now though, I think you still have a shot.
And if she shuts you out, there’s always my first suggestion.
It seems you scarcely need our advice at all, I think you have analyzed the situation and what to do about it pretty well so far.
At the risk of sounding like one of those silly “pick up artists,” I might suggest using this time to get to know some of your other classmates—perhaps even the eligible young women among them in particular—a bit better. Not least because the sight of seeing a former suitor moving on can sometimes be a powerful catalyst for reconsideration.
But then again, it might not. But even so, it will be no matter to you, since you’ll be too busy consorting with those who have not expressed their need to attend to more pressing engagements.
I might be annoyed for like five seconds. But I’d get over it. If this is indeed the scenario; I’d say it becomes incumbent on Angela to make the next move.
I actually came in to post a variant of what purplehorseshoe said.
Either that or she was playing the “hard to get game” and the OP didn’t play along. (Which is a good thing.)
If Angela becomes her unflustered self again, and if the situation warrants another attempt, offer a better venue such as a place that had dancing as a primary draw, rather than a bar where drinking is the primary draw. Maybe she doesn’t drink? Maybe that’s why she seemed flustered/uncomfortable?
But then again, PH’s scenario could also be at play here, but the my advice above would still make it a higher probability of success.
Put me in the “you have nothing to apologize for so don’t mention it” camp.
Also, I wouldn’t rule out taking a run at asking her out again if the opportunity presents itself sometime in the future. If she makes up another excuse, or says no, you’re still no worse off than you are at this moment, but you’d have even more insight into her interest in you (or lack thereof).
Actually, now that you mention it, no. But I was wearing my trademark leopard-print Speedos. Do you think that could have had anything to do with it? Maybe my enormous penis intimidated her. I’ll strap it to my ankle next time.
I think what I’m going to do is put a little sign on my crotch next week that says “I love you, Angela! You make me happy!” and swing it around in people’s faces. I think that’s the best approach!
True, but I get the impression that’s not so true of swing dance. Salsa, yes. Swing… less so.
As above… I don’t think that it would be a good idea to get the reputation of being “that slimy guy who hits on everyone”, though I will certainly still be open to possibilities. I’m quite sure there’s at least one other eligible young woman who might be open to the idea, and has said things that make me wonder. <4 years old>I liked Angela better, though!</4 yo> This other woman once suggested that I should come out to the world. I’m not sure if she actually thought I was gay, or was probing the waters delicately.
Dear lord, I hate the hard to get game. I hate all the complex hoops and obstacle courses that social convention makes us believe are good and correct. I refuse to participate in this, which partly explains why I’m single, of course…
Now, I’m generally a pretty straight forward chick, but every once in a while, I will get flustered when a guy asks me out. The reason is that I’m not at all interested in him and, up until this point, hadn’t realized I was flirting with him. It’s an uncomfortable realization when you figure out you’ve been throwing FLIRT vibes at someone you have zero interest in, even if your demeanor was totally accidental.
If she is interested in you, she’ll flirt it up with ya next week, now that she knows you’re interested. If she doesn’t, well, she’s not interested. I wouldn’t apologize or anything, but I’d definitely act like nothing happened.
I’m old and don’t date very often and I’m as far from a pickup artist as it gets, but something like a rule I’ve followed since my early 20s is “never ask a woman out for a specific night.” I feel like it is just a lot better to ask, unambiguously, “I’d like to take you out to dinner [or wherever you’d like to take them], would you be interested in doing that some time?”
When you ask someone out to something that you were already going to anyway, like “hey I’m going to this Zoo opening, you want to come along?” I feel there are two problems with that. Firstly, I don’t think it is 100% unambiguous that it shows you are interested in the woman romantically. Not to say it is very close to unambiguous, but in the heat of the moment I think people far more often than they realize fail to recognize someone is expressing romantic interest. I know that there have been more times than I’m proud to admit where I’ve declined an invitation to something from a woman, only to later learn she was interested in me. I’m very dense about such things. While I’m not a woman I imagine some women are just as capable of being as dense as I am. Secondly, the person may genuinely have something to do on that date and may genuinely be unable to go out with you. They also might be unsure if you’re really asking them out or not, so they might be too timid to suggest another date. So maybe Angela would be interested in going out with you, but she just thought you wanted someone to go to a Zoo opening with, maybe she’s too timid to put herself out there and propose a different date–because then she’s essentially asking you out. You’re not going to want to propose a different date because then you come off looking desperate.
So I think it far better to just use my line above. Now obviously I’m not totally inept so I don’t just walk up to random women and say that. Usually after a certain level of comfort has been established I’ll work it in by saying something like, “You know I’ve really enjoyed talking to you at these Civil War Reenactments, would you like to go to dinner with me sometime, or would you like to attend a secret underground street fight with me?” (Or whatever.) I feel some level of compliment or acknowledgement that you like the person combined with a question to which they pretty much have to answer yes/no cuts through all the unambiguous bullshit.
I’ve found that in response to that question I typically get an answer that leaves no doubt. Sadly I rarely get told no, most people just aren’t comfortable saying “no, I’m just not interested” (I’ve heard that maybe twice, and both times I liked that response a lot better than any other rejection), but it’s usually something like “oh, I have a boyfriend.” Or “oh, I’m just not looking to date right now.” I’m fine with the fact most people can’t be brutally honest, and those answers let you know where you stand with no real ambiguity.
This. There are some times when you don’t want to ask yes/no questions (classic situation is when you’re trying to cold-sell something), and there are some times when you do. This is one of them. A nice ‘no’ does both of you the favor of stating where you stand, unambiguously.
Anyway, since we’re in the situation that we’re in, my recommendation is to bring it up. Don’t apologize, just state that you hope that you haven’t made her feel uncomfortable and that the two of you are cool.
This isn’t for her sake, but for yours. The ultimate approach would of course to stay cool and pretend nothing happened, but I know from personal experience how bloody hard it can be, unless you’re willing to ignore her completely (which might make you seem like a bit of an ass). Trying to be yourself while at the same time second guessing yourself doesn’t really fit on the same plate.
:smack: Why is it always three days into these threads when the real problem comes out? (Pun intentionally left standing.)
OK, so is this a problem you’ve had before? Or is Other Girl just in hyper-gaydar mode? Could it be that Angela thought the same and thought you were a “Safe” person to flirt with?
Out with it! Was she flustered because people often think you are gay? If so, the advice changes drastically.
Or does it? Maybe not. It would significantly change my interpretation of her reaction. But really the ball’s still in her court, and once this revelation has time to sink in she’ll make a decision one way or the other. But maybe she walked into the conversation and got totally blindsided.
So I guess even if that’s true, your next step is still to be polite and no less friendly (but slightly less flirty) than before. Still her move.
Actually, no. No one - well, almost no one now - thinks I’m gay. Or at least, no one has ever suggested it to me before; maybe they’re all quietly wondering why I keep ogling women. The Other girl was definitley the first that I can remember. So… I’m sorry, that’s not the real problem, and therefore shouldn’t change any advice!
I think you’re right about the being polite and friendly, and less flirty - this is more or less my stated intention. However, as a friend of mine noted, I might be over-thinking this slightly.
Sorry about the double-post, but I hadn’t noticed this one.
HAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! That is brilliant. I’m sorry to disappoint, Jackmannii, but my life is rather tame. Feel free to post suggestions on the basis of the mouseover, though!
IMHO, letting it go without saying anything and apologizing are both equally good ways to go. You haven’t done anything to apologize for, but it will give her an opportunity to say “I would have loved to go otherwise” (assuming she would have).
Nonononono.
On the surface, this seems like a great idea. However, without context (beyond, “this guy asked me out last week”) it’s a terrible one. It sounds like a classic passive-aggressive dig.
“How’d that thing you turned me down for go, huh?” She might even take it as an insinuation that you don’t think she was really going to a gallery opening.
Now that the thread has lots of advice, I’m going to say -
Hire a HUGE group of backup singers and dancers
Sing a romantic love song to her in which you change outfits at least once
Make sure one of your outfits has leather pants so tight you can barely move
Or does it? Maybe not. It would significantly change my interpretation of her reaction. But really the ball’s still in her court, and once this revelation has time to sink in she’ll make a decision one way or the other. But maybe she walked into the conversation and got totally blindsided.