IMHO, we’ve got a winner. 
I don’t get it. 
What happened exactly? (The simple, dumbed-down version, please.)
Lady go store. Bad man insult clothes.
She was wearing a brown jacket with black boots.
::shudder::
She only got what she deserved.
The proper response:
"Oh I know you did NOT… ", but you’re so angry you can’t even finish the sentence, so you trail off, muttering under your breath while hurriedly taking off your earrings. Then get all up in his face and scream “It’s ON, bitch!” I’m sure that would have sufficiently terrified him.
I thought that was OK as long as it’s after Labor Day. Or something.
I would have told him to fuck off at this point.
Brown jacket with black boots. […shrug…] I thought black and white went with anything. Okay. I’ll shut up now.
I think the appropriate response would have been a flying kick to the back of his head as he walked away, while screaming “Colour co-ordinate THIS, asshole!”
Could the offending party have been a WalMart employee, and this was part of a plan to get you to peruse their high-toned accessories?
If not, I suggest you pay more attention to coordinating your wardrobe. WalMart has standards to uphold, and tacky customers are just not allowed.
“Well, I woulda color-coordinated my outfit but my day-glo orange stiletto heeled hip boots have been acting real bad lately, so I told em they couldn’t come to the store with me.”
I would have suggested a response of pity, pointing out that the last time someone made fun of my clothes, I was in junior high. Poor gay man must feel really insecure to resort to such juvenile behavior… I would have told him how sorry I was that he’s so socially underdeveloped that he has to act like he’s still 13 in order to feel superior to the rest of society. All of this should be said with a kind smile, as though you’re not really insulting him at all.
I think the perfect response would have been to dig a coin out of your pocket and flip it to him, saying, “Here’s a quarter, dude. Go buy some couth.”
Unfortunately, what I likely would have actually said in that situation would have been, “Uhhhh… huh?” 'cause I’m usually too stunned by rudeness to come up with a snappy retort.
No snappy comeback here, but this reminds me of something that happened to me. Years ago I once went to work wearing a pair of pants that were way too short; the cuff was several inches above the top of the shoe. As I was walking past the security guards, one of them said:
The rain has stopped
The ground is dry
So why you wear
Your pants so high?
IIRC at the time I just kept walking, not even realizing he was talking to (or about) me until I was halfway to the elevators. Later I thought about various things I could have said, ranging from “Excuse me, did you hear me ask what you thought of my clothes?” to “Fuck off, asshole.” Since I hadn’t even noticed which of them had said it (plus I have an innate sense of self-preservation which prevents me from making smart-ass remarks to people with guns) I decided it was just as well I hadn’t said anything. Bit it irritated the hell out of me.
Er, me, too, ack-shully. I was taught that shoe and boot color doesn’t “count” as a color as long as you stick to “natural” leather colors like brown and black.
I guess we’re just hopelessly not with-it. The only reason I even know what “Manilo Blahniks” are is I looked it up on Google. Shoes of some kind, right? Expensive Neiman-Marcus type shoes?
Got it.
p.s. audrey–“manolo”
Oh, and since white “goes with everything”, white shoes don’t “count” as a color, either.
As long as it’s summer…
“Bite me”
I’ve always liked that one. Of course, there is always the possiblity that he actually would, and then you could get into the head and crotch kicking that others have suggested.
I thought black went with everything, too.
“I thought I did. I’m completely color blind”.
Guilt trip the rude. I once made a loopy pen gesture instead of asking for a pen from a clerk so I could write a check. Why, I don’t know, I’m a generally pretty quiet guy. He angrily asked "what is THIS
okay, I know I didn’t hit submit…
Anyway, he angrily asked “what is THIS supposed to mean??”, pantomiming my loopy pen motion.
Taken back by his sudden anger I stammered out “um, sign language for pen?” He shot back “well maybe you should SAY that then? maybe not everyone kows what THIS means??”
I smiled and said apologetically “I’m sorry, I forget. I work with deaf children all day.”
He looked like someone kicked him in the stomach. I actually felt bad for him.