I humbly submit my application.
http://www.d.umn.edu/~katz0068/pic.html
Jeez, I see a couple of y’all who would be perfect matches for me if you weren’t such young’uns.
Shoot. :kicking dirt:
Overweight, overeducated, overdrawn occassionallly humorous SWM seeks stripper with trust fund.
Saucy, sarcastic, goofy, horny, generous, clever, slighty neurotic, reasonably fit 29 year old female with sexy legs, nice tits, bitten fingertips and naturally messy hair ISO balding, goateed lawyer with big car and sharp wit.
Muffin strong like bull, and schmart like streetcar. I’m a nice guy, and great companion, as my cat and my friends will tell you. In the summer I spend a lot of time paddling in the wilderness, and in the winter I telemark (17th in the World in '96). To earn my keep, I’m a litigator, and I have a past life as an English professor. I don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, and don’t eat meat, but despite this, I am a lot of fun to be with.
Are you self-confident, compassionate, sociable, smart, well-read, and adventurous?
Darn. I gave away my Caddy to a bag lady last Christmas.
This makes sense to me. If you got hit by a streetcar, it would smart like anything.
Redhead. Nice rack. Puts out. 
49 year old apparent life-long party animal (I’m not sure how this has come to pass), professional (not sure how that happened, either), single (I know how that happened). Drinker, smoker, howler-at-moon. Compassionate, sensitive and liable to take off on a tangent and ignore you for days. But, hey, I’m very low maintenance.
Pros: smart, funny, employed, educated, nice scientist-type guy.
Cons: let’s start with overweight, balding, socially awkward, and glasses-wearing. We can go from there later.
Want: an intelligent, strong woman that can discuss anything from Shakespeare to Red Dwarf.
40 yo male who looks like a 45 yo brother to Father Guido Sarducci and Edward James Olmos. 15 pounds overweight and unlikely to lose it. Likes to drink beer and smokes a couple of cigarettes a day. Not much interested in going to bars.
Cannot go more than 48 hours without using one of the following: hiking boots, gym, raft, kayak, golf clubs, snowshoes, x-country skis, fly rod, convertible. Usually has his dog with him. Is dissapointed he can’t get the New York Times on Sunday (or any other day).
Has an embarrasing knowledge of pop culture fron 1965 to two days after tomorrow. Loves to cook but must be reminded to check barbeque frequently. Rarely talks about work. Quite good in bed (references provided). Still has friends from high school. Will take you to some of the most beautiful places in Montana to use above sports equipment.
Secret shames - I’m completely hooked on watching “East Enders” and spend two hours every sunday doing so.
Can be made to laugh uncontrollably in any situation by use of the following phrases:
“No Kitty, those are my Cheesy Poofs!”
“Is it bacon? Oh, no. I CAN’T READ!”
Me: Openly gay white female with a passion for activism, 20, short and heavyset with ridiculously curly hair. Has a love for unabashed geekery, linguistics, and writing plays. Tendancies towards ponderously weepy books and music, self-referential loops of conversation, and mild egotism. Drinks on occasion, allergic to smoke, rarely goes to bed at a reasonable hour.
You: Queer female, 18-late twenties, geeky, passionate about something, funny and kind, in the New England area.
I started to, but it was just too depressing to post.
Not that I want to start picking out curtains with you or anything whistlepig (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but that commercial punchline is so funny on so many levels. I thought I was the only one who would crack up every time I saw it.
25 y-o SWF Engineer. 5’7" Long dark hair, green eyes & curvaceous (hourglass - OK I have big boobs) Good job, independent & financially stable however tends to disappear at short notice due to work commitments for two weeks at a time to sit on a floating piece of metal whilst holes are drilled into the ground. Likes all the usual outdoorsy stuff, movies etc. Values own space, non-clingy but easy to get close to
Seeks: A man.
SF, almost 27, half Mexican, half Norwegian. Well, not half Norwegian, there’s some Portuguese in there somewhere too. Mother to 8-almost-9 Boy of Joy. Brown hair, brown eyes, brown skin. Given to periods of brown study and wannabe pedantry. I’m painfully shy in large groups until sufficiently drunk, and then I’m just sweaty and babbly. Loves: the Boy, little and big league baseball, making up little songs, drawing little pictures, making fun of people, reading, the beach, shopping, Chicago, Doritos with sour cream, cooking, the Beatles, the Stones, Stevie Wonder, Built to Spill, Futurama, the Simpsons, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Six Feet Under, pop culture trivia and pop culture references. Instinctively contrary and distrustful of authority, but with an odd affection for the military. Careless with money. Moody, insecure about looks, body, brains, pedigree. I still think farts are funny. I want sex all the time, but I’m too dorky to be (intentionally, at least) sexy.
You: like my kid, can make me laugh, can be laughed at, laugh at my jokes, and don’t care much what people think. You will go to Wrigley Field with me early and often. You’re not too much older/younger than I, can keep up with me physically, and can account for all of your teeth. The rest is chemistry and kismet. Glasses, general dorkiness, a sense of a big plus. Sex, race not criteria.
Oh, I’m also wordy. And happily involved.
Me: SWM, 28, 6’2", 215. Very occasional smoker, connoisseur of alcohol. Likes animals, dislikes children. Mood swings from quiet and introverted to go-go-go and almost manic. Indifferent to sports, but likes toys, games and individual adventure. Enjoys a wide variety of art, music and books, including math, science, fiction and poetry. Not necessarily a nice person, but can be tolerably kind to that special someone.
You: Smart, pretty and quirky. That’s it. I’m easy. 
vix, you kill me.
ems, thank you. I finally meet someones requirements.
Me:
Obtuse, hung-over, loudmouth with great fondness for Star Wars. Lots of friends. Irresponsible. Great job but still bankrupt. Average height and weight with brown eyes and reddish hair, smells of beer.
You:
Bipedal. Likes me.
SWM, 22, with a height-to-weight ratio approaching infinity, thick-rimmed black glasses, and a dorky haircut. Graduate student in English. Witty in a wry, sardonic, quirky sort of way. Self-deprecating, but not insecure. Enjoys obscure music, beer, and twentieth-century literature. Will bore you to death with stories about travelling through Europe this summer, so be prepared.
Hopefully, you’re anywhere from 18-24, have a passing knowledge with the outside world (ie. you’re not prone to making statements like “Funny, you always think that war is something that only happened to people a hundred years ago!” like the last girl I met), and enjoy music, both playing and listening. And understanding that the 3:30 to 4:00 slot of my afternoon is reserved for quality time spent with my one true love, Mr. Benjamin Stein, is a definite plus. Oh, and breasts. Not lumpy man-breasts like my father has, but real, unabashed, girl breasts.
42-year-old sort-of widowed F, 5’8", with goofy red-blond hair and greeny-hazel eyes. Built for comfort, not for speed. I am full-time mom to a 14-year-old boy, the self-proclaimed Coolest Kid in the World. I am good at my job, an award-winning BBQ chef, and an occasional smartass. I like playing in the kitchen, reading, and people who can keep up with me. I don’t like baseball, crowds, or shopping.
Looking for a big, tall man who likes to read, talk, ramble, and neck. Would like someone with whom I can be both serious and silly, who recognizes that life is, on the whole, pretty good. Though demonstrably capable of standing on my own two feet I would like to be able to lean on someone once in a while.
If anyone sees this guy, tell him I’m looking for him, please.